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15 Common Causes Of Suicide: Why Do People Kill Themselves?

Suicide is defined as the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. There are many factors that play a role in influencing whether someone decides to commit suicide. Nearly everyone experiences suicidal thoughts at one point or another throughout their existence. Everyone deals with tough times, but some people have been dealt a tougher hand when it comes to life circumstances, past trauma, mental and/or physical illness, social standing, and ability to cope with depressive emotions.

People are most driven to suicide when they view their current situation as being completely hopeless and feel as if they have no way to change things for the better. Common causes of suicide include: depression, drug abuse, financial problems, as well as difficulties with relationships. Although there are crisis hotlines that have been developed to help people feeling suicidal, the jury is out as to whether they even help.

Some ideas for preventing suicide include things like: banning firearms, developing better treatment for mental illness, and economic improvement. Most people that commit suicide do so because they are in some sort of pain and cannot seem to find a way out. Much work still needs to be done on coming up with more effective ways to help individuals that struggle with suicidal thinking as up to 1,000,000 people die every year from suicide. Listed below are some of the most common causes of suicide throughout the world.

15 Common Causes of Suicide: A List of Possibilities

Listed below are some common causes of suicide and a brief explanation regarding why it may lead a person to become suicidal. The most common cause of suicide is untreated depression, as 90% of individuals who commit suicide are depressed. However, there are other causes beyond the realm of mental illness that should be discussed including: trauma, drug addiction, existential crises, chronic pain, and terminal illnesses.

1. Mental illness

Among the most common causes of suicide is that of mental illness. Although there are a variety of treatment options for people with mental illnesses, they are far from perfect. Most people end up trying a variety of psychiatric drugs and/or talk therapies. After years of trying various medications (and cocktails), going through medication withdrawals, and experimenting with therapies, some people are stuck in a constant state of mental pain and despair.

  • Anxiety: Having generalized anxiety, social phobia, panic attacks, or obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can drive a person crazy. Some forms of anxiety make it extremely difficult to maintain friendships, finish school, or hold down a steady job. The combination of loneliness and fear can lead a person to contemplate suicide.
  • Bipolar disorder: There are a couple of subtypes of Bipolar disorder, but essentially it involves fluctuations in mood from states of severe depression to elevations in mood such as mania and hypomania. These mood fluctuations can make it difficult for people with this disorder to maintain relationships and a balanced life. Additionally the depression can lead a person to feel suicidal.
  • Depression: Major depression is a leading cause of suicide throughout the world. People that do not treat their depressive symptoms have a greater risk for following through with suicide. Individuals with major depression are typically genetically wired in a way that makes it difficult to feel pleasure and happiness in life. 90% of people who commit suicide suffer from untreated depression.
  • Schizophrenia: This is a highly severe mental illness with an array of symptoms including severe depression, hallucinations, and cognitive impairment. Having this illness makes it difficult to function in life and can serve as a major challenge due to the fact that most medications to treat this illness carry severe side effects. Anywhere from 20% to 40% of people with this illness attempt suicide.

2. Traumatic Experience

Any type of traumatic experience can lead a person to feeling helpless, guilty, and/or ashamed. If you were victim of physical abuse, sexual abuse, and/or dealt with trauma in war, you are much more likely to end up with post-traumatic stress disorder. This disorder and the feelings associated with traumatic experiences can lead a person to become suicidal.

PTSD: Many people with PTSD or “Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder” develops after a person is faced with a traumatic experience such as warfare, being seriously injured, or assaulted. The illness is characterized by flashbacks and numbing or blockage of memories surrounding the traumatic experience. People with this illness often live in a state of intense, and sometimes debilitating anxiety and/or fear that can interfere with leading a normal life. When people feel helpless about their situation and permanently traumatized, they may turn to suicide.

  • Physical abuse: People who are victim to physical abuse either growing up or in a relationship can be traumatized. They may harbor feelings of guilt and shame that stay trapped inside for years. When someone is abused it may go unrecognized and unreported for an extended period of time. A person who is being physically abused may view suicide as the only way in which they can escape their situation.
  • Sexual abuse: Any form of sexual abuse can lead a person to feeling depressed and suicidal. In cases of molestation and rape, a person is forced to perform sexual acts against their will. This can result in significant psychological trauma caused to the victim. When unreported or not addressed, this trauma can make a person feel highly suicidal.
  • War: Being involved in a war can lead a person to see death, horrendous injuries, and feel fearful for their own life. This intense anxiety and paranoia over whether the soldier will stay alive coupled with seeing others die and injured can lead to trauma. People see things in war that make them physically sick and in many cases, they have a tough time mentally healing. The lack of support for veterans and not understanding their psychological diagnosis can sometimes result in suicide.

3. Bullying

Most people experience bullying to some degree while growing up and going through school – it’s an inevitable part of life. Bullying can have a profound effect on the way people think and how they feel. Most people that are bullied end up feeling extremely depressed, worthless, and hopeless to change their situation.

Unfortunately in many cases, bullying goes completely unrecognized until the victim can’t take it anymore and sees suicide as the only way to escape the pain that they are experiencing. Some kids view bullying others as a way to fit in and/or prove themselves in regards to social hierarchy. Kids that get bullied are often viewed as being either physically weak and/or socially weak to not come up with witty responses.

Additionally, now there is a phenomenon called “cyber bullying” in which people fall victim to being bullied online. This happens on social media sites, comments sections of websites, and various blogs that aim to ruin people’s reputations and make people feel ashamed. When a person is bullied online and/or has privacy exposed online, they may view a ruined reputation as the end of the world and feel helpless to change their situation – which could lead to suicide.

4. Personality Disorders

Personality disorders can be closely related to mental illness, but are considered a set of traits that make it difficult to function within society. People with a personality disorder may have trouble maintaining relationships, holding down a steady job, and/or coping with life. For example, someone with dependent personality disorder may be too afraid to leave an abusive relationship. This “dependency” may lead the person with this disorder to consider suicide as an escape from their circumstances.

On the same token, avoidant personality disorder can lead individuals to avoid social contact because they are afraid they will be rejected or won’t fit in. This can result in feelings of isolation and a person thinking that they will never have any friends. An individual with a personality disorder may feel as if there is no hope for escaping the problems caused by their personality and may consider suicide.

The bottom line is that if you have a personality disorder, you are at increased risk of suicide. The personality disorder that is most associated with increased suicide risk is that of borderline personality disorder (BPD). This disorder is characterized by impulsive behavior, difficulty regulating emotions, and instability in relationships.

5. Drug Addiction / Substance Abuse

People that are addicted to drugs and/or abuse drugs or alcohol on a consistent basis are more likely to become depressed. Many people use drugs to escape painful feelings of depression and hopelessness of their current life situation. Being addicted to drugs or alcohol may provide some short-term relief from the pain that they feel, but over the long term, drug use tends to alter brain functioning and neurotransmitters.

Eventually a person will build up such a high tolerance to whatever drug they are addicted to, that they won’t experience anymore lift in mood that they got when they first started using. In many cases, substance abuse can temporarily change the way we think by altering neurotransmitter levels and overall brain function.

If you have an addiction, it could escalate to feelings of deep depression. You may feel helpless to overcome whatever addiction you face and some people see suicide as an only way out of the addiction trap.

6. Eating Disorders

Eating disorders are defined as a series of dysfunctional eating patterns that satisfy the person in ways other than nutrition. Many eating disorders are thought to be caused by body image problems, low self-esteem, and other mental health issues. It is thought that eating disorders are a way a person attempts to cope with unrelated issues such as: abuse, troublesome emotions, communication problems, or an identity crisis.

By eating in a certain way it allows the person to feel a sense of control over their life and situation.  A common disorder is that of anorexia, which is the refusal to eat enough food to maintain a healthy body weight. Others include: bulimia, compulsive overeating, and purging disorder. All of these disorders tend to affect both physical and mental health negatively.

A person dealing with an eating disorder may constantly feel suicidal as a result of a nutrient-deficient diet.  Poor diets can lead a person to feel depression and constant negative emotions.  Only when the diet is corrected can a person experience improvements in mental health and pain associated with their situation.  Additionally in cases of eating disorders, other underlying issues usually need to be addressed in therapy before progress can be made.

7. Unemployment

Being unemployed can lead to feelings of isolation and make your life feel as if it is void of purpose. With a poor economy, many people lose their jobs and look for new work, but since the competition is fierce, landing a new job can be difficult. In many cases being unemployed not only makes people feel as if they have no purpose in life, it can lead to depression over lack of an income as well.

Individuals who are unemployed aren’t earning any money and may get especially stressed out when it comes time to pay bills. Being unable to earn money and provide for yourself and/or a family can result in significant depression and anxiety. In addition to unemployment, hating your current job can also lead to suicidal thoughts and possibly actions if you feel as if there is no alternative option.

Employment provides most people with a sense of purpose and belonging to a specific group or company.  If you are unemployed you may find yourself socially isolated and lacking purpose and structure in your day.  Being employed helps individuals stay busy and can actually take their mind off of

8. Social Isolation / Loneliness

Being socially isolated from society can take a toll on mental health and lead a person to become depressed and consider suicide. Socializing and interacting with other people is a basic human need. If social needs are not met, a person can start to feel lonely which leads to depression and possibly suicidal thoughts. Loneliness is defined as a general feeling of sadness as a result of being alone or feeling disconnected from others.

Isolation is being separated from others in your environment. Someone can become isolated based on circumstances (i.e. employment) or as a result of personal decisions. Various reasons that a person could feel lonely or isolated include: living alone, death of a close friend or family member, poor physical health, mental illness, being introverted, fear of rejection, and/or retirement.

Living isolated from others can lead to an array of problems including mental health conditions, low energy, substance abuse, negative feelings, and/or sleep problems. If the loneliness and/or social isolation is not addressed, it may lead someone to consider suicide as an escape from their situation.

9. Relationship problems

Many people struggle with relationships including: being in abusive relationships, not feeling appreciated, and/or going through break-ups. There are many different types of relationships that a person could struggle with. Some people may have difficulties making friends and maintaining a close group for socialization. Others may struggle with staying in abusive relationships just so that they can avoid feeling isolated and lonely.

The need for human belonging is so strong that some people are willing to join gangs and/or humiliate themselves just to be in a relationship with another person. As far as romantic relationships are concerned, the act of a break-up can trigger intense feelings of depression, anxiety, guilt and panic – leading a person to deal with a lot of emotional pain. Often times in the news we read about people committing suicide as the result of a break-up with a significant other.

Among individuals that are Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgendered, the leading cause of suicide isn’t family rejection, it’s relationship troubles. Most research suggests that these individuals deal with significantly more relationship stress than those who are heterosexual.

10. Genetics / Family History

A lot of suicide risk has to do with genetics and family history. Those who are from a family in which suicide is common are more likely to commit suicide themselves. Additionally if a mental illness is inherited such as major depression, this can further increase risk of suicide. Family, twin, and adoption studies have all established genetic links to suicidal behavior.

Various traits including: aggression, borderline personality disorder, cognitive inflexibility, and stress sensitivity are all linked to influencing suicidal behavior. If you inherit any of these traits, they could put you at an increased risk of suicide. Although there is a genetic link, it is not certain as to what degree this affects someone’s decision to follow through with the act of suicide.

Additionally epigenetics or the activation or deactivation of genes based on environmental factors is thought to play a role. In other words, your circumstances, the people you hang out with, where you live, etc. could all influence your genetic expression and thus be partially influential in determining whether a person becomes suicidal.

11. Philosophical Desire / Existential Crisis

When life seems void of meaning, people tend to question why they are even living and/or the entire purpose of their existence. This is often referred to as an “existential crisis” and can be difficult to overcome because people dealing with this issue often think themselves in circles of logic as to why there is no point to life. In many cases, people facing an existential crisis consider suicide because they feel as if their entire existence is void of purpose.

This crisis can result from major depression, trauma, loneliness, seeking meaning and/or general dissatisfaction with life. Some reports suggest that this crisis may affect individuals with above-average levels of intelligence. Facing an existential crisis can be difficult and can take awhile to get over. Usually the individual needs to make some sort of changes in life for their existential outlook to change.

I personally have faced this crisis and would spend entire days dwelling on the fact that life is pointless and that eventually I’m going to face either: an afterlife or nothingness when I die. This crisis can last years and result in highly suicidal feelings if not addressed in some way.

12. Terminal Illness

Many people with terminal illnesses that have no hope of improving their situation based on current science and medicine may become depressed. This depression is usually a result of feeling powerless to one’s condition. People with terminal illnesses aren’t able to treat or make any sort of improvement towards getting better. In many cases they are simply living and being controlled by the impairments that their illness causes.

Terminal illnesses such as various types of cancer usually leave a person frustrated, shocked and feeling hopeless. Other terminal illnesses end up causing physical or other handicaps and take a serious toll on a person’s energy levels, willpower, and ability to partake in daily functions. Many elderly individuals who are terminally ill have fought for euthanasia rights and/or traveled to other countries where it has been legalized.

13. Chronic Pain

If you have chronic pain, it means that you have had daily pain that has persisted for between three and six months. This pain often impairs your ability to function throughout the day and can affect mobility, the ability to perform certain tasks, and even a person’s mental health. Although pain levels differ among chronic pain sufferers, one thing that they all have in common is an inability to escape the daily discomfort associated with their pain.

They may take painkillers just to make it through the day, but these painkillers are not considered a “cure,” and many people find them relatively ineffective once they build up a tolerance. There aren’t many promising treatment options for people that have chronic pain other than various forms of therapy and medication. Dealing with pain on a daily basis can drive some people into depression, and in some cases, suicide.

14. Financial Problems

People who are struggling financially sometimes see no end in sight to their debt and bills. The financial stress can take a major toll on a person’s mental health. There have been cases of even millionaires committing suicide because they spent all of their money or had to file for bankruptcy. In a difficult economy, unemployment is linked to increased financial stress, but even if you are employed, you may still have financial problems.

Those who have accumulated a serious amount of debt as a result of an unforeseen emergency, excessive shopping, and/or medical bills may panic and feel suicidal when they can’t pay their bills. The stress of having a poor credit score and constant phone calls from bill collectors may make some people feel ashamed and hopeless to change their financial situation.

Although most people in financial troubles eventually end up working their way out of debt, some people are afraid to deal with this situation. In the event that a person becomes embarrassed about their finances and feels depressed about their debt, they may consider suicide as a way to escape this situation.

15. Prescription Drugs

The side effects of various prescription drugs such as antidepressants can result in suicidal ideation. In other words, these drugs affect levels of neurotransmitters that can sometimes put a person at increased risk for suicide. Some antidepressants actually end up making people significantly more depressed because they are targeting neurotransmitter levels, when the original cause of depression wasn’t a result of a chemical imbalance.  (Read the article, “Can antidepressants cause suicidality?” for more information).

Although many people respond well to SSRI’s that prevent the reuptake of serotonin, thereby increasing serotonin levels in the brain, others have poor reactions. There are black box warnings on most antidepressants stating that they may cause an increase in suicidal thinking. In addition to feeling suicidal while on antidepressants, many people end up with a chemical imbalance upon withdrawal from these drugs.  It is also disputed as to whether dopamine vs. serotonin is more important or whether low norepinephrine causes depression.

The chemical imbalance is usually caused by changes in neurotransmitter levels and functioning as a result of taking an antidepressant. In many cases serotonin levels are abnormally low when a person withdraws from an SSRI, leaving the person to feel even more depressed and suicidal than they originally were. It takes the brain awhile to recover after withdrawal and reestablish normal serotonin levels.  Further recommended reading: Do antidepressants cause a chemical imbalance?

Other psychiatric drugs that can lead a person to feel suicidal include: antipsychotics and benzodiazepines. It is always important to monitor sudden changes in mood while taking a psychiatric drug so that suicide can be prevented. Most people are lead to believe that psychiatric drugs will always work to prevent suicide, when in reality if someone has a bad reaction, they can actually trigger these thoughts.

Why do some people kill themselves in these situations?

Feeling trapped and unable to cope with a particular situation in life tends to lead people to consider suicide. Whether a person has been dealing with a mental illness, faced trauma, or they have been bullied at school, it is the pain and continuous suffering from these experiences that becomes overwhelming. When pain exceeds our abilities to cope, we feel hopeless to change and feel suicidal.

It is important to recognize that pain is an inevitable part of life, everyone deals with pain to a certain extent. Escaping the everyday pain and suffering associated with life is impossible. So what can be done if you are suicidal? Either find a way to reduce the amount of pain you are experiencing and/or increase your coping resources.

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, be sure to seek professional help. The article I wrote called “I Want To Die” may provide you with some useful suggestions as to where you can get help for yourself if you feel hopeless. In many cases, the pain leading a person to feel suicidal can be overcome and reduced to the point where an individual is able to find pleasure and purpose in life again.

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{ 227 comments… add one }
  • qwertyuiop March 15, 2018, 2:42 pm

    The reasons I considered suicide were 3, 7, 14 and 8. In school classmates were constantly making fun of me and any attempt to defend myself (apparently teachers prefer to pretend they’re blind and deaf instead of actually dealing with the problem) only made problem worse – by making me look like a bad guy who deserves punishment.

    As an adult, lack of confidence prevent me from even trying to get a job, so now I’m basically sitting in my parent’s basement, waiting for a miracle. No matter how educated I am, I always feel like I’m not good enough to get hired. Without a job I have no income and my family isn’t rich, so there goes reason 14. Having literally no friends and not talking with anyone except my close family doesn’t help either.

    Just imagine Tomoko Kuroki as 32 years old dude – that’s probably the closest description I can think of now. Why I didn’t, after all? Well, I think of mostly two reasons:

    1. I may have no friends, but my family does actually care. My mother would be devastated if I kill myself and I can’t do it to her. My grandma is still alive and I can’t do it to her either.

    2. Those jerks who made fun of me in school pretty much openly wanted me to kill myself. By committing suicide I’d do exactly what they wanted. I’m not going to give them that satisfaction, never. Not killing myself is a way of saying “f*** you” to them.

  • Ally March 13, 2018, 2:43 am

    I am quite young (14) and for a while, I had thought about killing myself. I was bullied, felt alone, and stressed (from school and sports). I stopped hurting myself recently and thinking about suicide and because of this I have come to a new understanding about life general.

    Yes, I never believed it when people said, “It gets better.” or “You are not.” etc. I do know now though that this is true. By killing yourself you end the possibility of life getting any better. After seeking help I learned to block out the bullying. (Yes, I do know its not easy).

    I also learned that you are not alone. It may not seem like it but their is always somebody who cares. You might not have even met them, or realized that they care yet. I know now that its the little things you live for too.

    For example, I was ready to do it then my dog walk past me, I put the pills back in the bottle and hugged her and cried on her. And finally it helps to read stories by people (like me) who almost killed themselves but didn’t.

    Yes, it gets better, no, you are not alone, and you learn to live for the little things.

  • Orion March 12, 2018, 5:00 pm

    I am 2, 3, 9, 15. I have attempted twice and looking for a third, I am 16 I got kicked out of my house at the beginning of the year and now live with a close friend who is dating my recent ex. I am failing all of my classes plus in a group called m12.

    I don’t have much affiliation with them anymore but they also know my address and my school friends. I just haven’t been wanting to deal with it. I also have written poetry as an escape and I sing. I have been judged for being bi, and I have been bullied my whole life. I don’t expect much from ppl anymore and I just can’t go through.

    I hope people read this and realize how many similar cases there are out there. I will be an example for them, and show them all what happens from cyber bullying and from being neglected. I also come from a family of ten and chose to play a series of five sports that once thrilled my parents. I don’t have anyone I’m willing to stay for.

  • Doug March 11, 2018, 8:34 pm

    I’ll go with 1, 5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 14. Been in #11 for a few years. Life really is pointless when you dig deeper. Are you really THAT valuable to this planet? NO. Life is just one big routine of being a slave to something. Whether it be a job, family, booze, dope or whatever.

    Always looking for something to make us happy because life is just depression with happiness sprinkled in every once in awhile. The powers above us give us just enough “Hope(ium)” to keep us waiting for our next fix of “what’s going to make me happy today”?

    Oh, wow. The sun is out for the first time in a month! WOW! Life is great! Blahhhhh… My number one regret in life is not offing myself in my 20’s. I knew this world was a sh**hole, yet slaved onward… for nothing. Now, I have a daughter and she is all that keeps me here. Having nothing to lose is so much easier…

  • Rose March 11, 2018, 12:04 pm

    #14. All my life. 60 yrs. I’m struggling yet working hard with nothing to show for it. I wish I was not born and that I would’ve been one of the stillborn that didn’t make it from my mom. I have concluded it was God’s plan for me and I have been thinking about it a lot lately, but I have to get things in order. Once done, I will be ready. No more worries.

  • Andrew Reid February 12, 2018, 6:10 am

    I would surmise that suicide is part of our core basic instincts as it has also been observed in other animals in despair. Animals pine for lost mates, lost status (deposed Badger leaders commit suicide by self imposed starvation), lost territory (Blackbirds, Robins, etc.) and lost owners (Dogs). Nature has a self destruct system that can be triggered given certain mental stimuli in animals and therefore it should be found in humans also.

    It is just that in our modern existence sometimes these ancient instincts can be activated and the self destruct “code” accidentally typed in by outside circumstances such as unemployment and persecution. Imaging a scenario, back in our more primitive times tens of thousands of years ago, where a male member of a group is badly injured, becomes disabled and is unable to hunt.

    He can still be useful back at the cave with passing on skills to the next generation, standing watch, fabricating tools and weapons but he would feel left out of the hunting parties. He feels the seeds of depression as he mourns his lost hunter role and status. Then comes along a period where the hunting is bad and food is scarce.

    Tensions are high in the group. Some individuals resort to blaming and shaming with our character on the receiving end. He lapses deeper into depression and it reaches a point where something is triggered deep in the instinctive core programming. He starts to reason that there would be more food for the children and that everyone would be better off if he wasn’t around anymore.

    So one night, when everybody in the cave is asleep he limps away into the night to put himself out of his misery. So my argument is that nature has placed the instinct for altruistic suicide in humans and a host of other creatures as part of group survival.

    It is just that it can be accidentally triggered by mistake in humans and the countdown clock activated. Spotting that the self destruct sequence is running is the tricky part and then defusing it. Then there’s preventing somebody toxic making the situation worst.

  • Elizabeth February 5, 2018, 1:21 pm

    I am 1, 3, 7, 8, 10 and 14. My mom passed mid January and I have to support my dad. My sister is distant when it comes to helping my patents(financially and medically) so it is all on me. I quit my job in mid 2017 due to lack of supervisory support and slowly being forced out of my position(they got rid of my position after I resigned) a truly toxic work environment. I cashed out my retirement to live and help my parents. I have extremely low self confidence to find a new job and the latest on my mom’s passing is making me wonder why carry on.

  • Leigh January 29, 2018, 4:38 am

    Yes, the money thing has nearly done away with me a couple of times. The injustice of it is that I have worked my whole life to the betterment of the common good! It’s terrifying that I am going to be approaching old age with nothing, and no one to help me.

  • Marie January 20, 2018, 1:13 am

    I have every one of the things on this list-plus I am about to be homeless. I look forward to death.

    • Gayle March 7, 2018, 11:17 pm

      Marie, I used to have all of the above, and I was homeless a few times. But there are resources that can help you get back on your feet, and to find an enjoyable and meaningful life. I know homeless shelters can be scary, and couch surfing can be taxing on friendships, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of if that happens.

      There are many families and a few executives I’ve known to live in homeless shelters after they had lost their jobs, and they found the resources to pick themselves back up. You can go to the local library and/or human services agency to look up some resources that can help you with all of your circumstances.

      I know it’s a lot of legwork, but it’s worth it. Churches can help, too; not all churches require that you be a “believer” or a “member” for them to help the community. You matter, and there’s hope. The resources are based on locality, so I don’t have any links here. But a suicide prevention hotline might be able to offer better tips than I can: 1-800-273-8255.

      As hard as it was for me (I won’t bore you with the details), I managed to find the support I needed, utilize the homeless shelters and their services, and get therapy for my depression, among other things. I met some of the most helpful people during this journey, and I will be forever grateful to them. I know you can find the things you need to help you, and you are worth it! Please don’t give up.

  • Linda December 24, 2017, 12:20 pm

    Reading all the comments on this site, I know how you feel. I’m 44, effectively a bankrupt, caring for a disabled mother and elderly father. I have one sibling who is toxic and abusive and frightens my parents. I have three cousins whom I loved but they cut me out of their lives many years ago without explanation.

    Mum was an only child born out of wedlock and then her mom died and she was brought up by aunts and uncles who covered her background up. So there is a huge hole of no family there. I have never had a relationship which puzzled me but the reason I believe now is that I bring nothing to the table so to speak. To have kids anyway would be to create more problems than it would solve.

    I’m done trying to create the cosmetic appearance of a family or social life on my own. I do everything on my own and at this stage don’t care. I feel guilty saying this but some of us simply seem to have thinner, more watery connections to this Earth, that we fell through accidentally. I’m not going to kill myself but I am going to pray to God daily that after my parents cross over that I cross over quietly in my sleep shortly after them.

  • jasmy gunatilaka March 19, 2017, 8:54 am

    7, 8 and 14. I’m close to ending it.

    • Cindy March 20, 2017, 6:24 pm

      Hi Jasmy, Those are my ‘lucky’ numbers too! I am sorry that you are struggling with the same. It is very frustrating and stressful. How long have you been looking for work? What kind of work do you want to do? You feel lonely and that’s one of the worst feelings but please know that you are not alone.

  • Aidan March 11, 2017, 4:09 am

    I am currently experiencing number 8. I do go to a very large school but I only have one friend who lives far away and is sick quite often. Whenever I get home from school I usually go down in my basement and play on my Xbox. This is my life 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year.

    • Cindy March 14, 2017, 11:56 pm

      Hi Aidan. Sorry your friend isn’t nearer. I hope you are connected online at least to your friend or other gamers. Sounds like you are going through a lonely time. Me too. Living in a new city, feels like the worst time ever. Hang in there. It’s not forever. It will get better.

  • Isolated Young Widow February 26, 2017, 5:09 am

    My husband died 4 years ago. He was 38. Left me with 4 kids, 2 special needs. I want to die every day. I can’t believe I have to do this alone. There is very little help with what I really need help with.

    My brother never calls me. I have no family around. No one cares. No one really cares. Every day I have to wake up to this black cloud hovering over me. It never leaves. My middle daughter is a nightmare. I will never live through this. I’m so done.

    • Jack March 7, 2017, 11:10 pm

      I don’t want to say, I feel your pain as I have my own. But if your brother doesn’t call, call him. Maybe, maybe something good will happen. Keep talking as talking sometimes stumbles on a solution. I stumbled on this site recently, wish I had stumbled on it long ago, before my daughter committed suicide. I would do anything to fix my daughter and will listen to you when you need to talk. Keep talking.

  • Mike January 27, 2017, 8:49 am

    I had a highly successful career in music and technology as a design engineer. When my partner left leaving me in a hellish situation of loneliness and despair I took antidepressants. The medication reacted badly with some vitamins I was taking, and this has left me with hearing loss, balance problems and excruciatingly, I cannot even keep my eyes still.

    I also have persistent tinnitus. My life has since fallen apart, and I’m about lose my job. The torture of tinnitus and eyes moving in addition to hearing loss as a lifelong music industry professional and living alone, with hostile family, doctors and now losing all my friends I feel it’s almost inevitable I must commit suicide.

    I wake up everyday with the death sentence over my head, for the crime of seeking help! The world is constantly moving in my eyes thus I never get to relax, can’t watch TV or have hobbies or interests or even care how things look, I also can’t listen to music due to the hearing loss… I’m only 40, what exactly does the future hold like that? I had an amazing life before the antidepressant pill destroyed my ears…

    • Eli March 6, 2017, 2:31 pm

      Wasn’t there a famous musician who was deaf? Beethoven or Mozart, or someone like that? You can do this.

      The symptoms might lessen in time, or maybe new medical technology will help your condition. Living with a disability can be tough, but perhaps look to Beethoven or Stephen Hawkings for inspiration. Hone skills that require less sight and hearing, such as cooking or music marketing.

      I know it must be tough. But I hope you can get past this tough time.

  • Michaela January 8, 2017, 11:56 pm

    I’m 13 and I have been having suicidal thoughts due to stress, bullies, and other things. I’ve been picked on, made fun of because I’m too short or too fat or ugly, and I thought there was no way out of it but death for me. But the things said here have helped me to see that there is another way to deal with this and that I should value life while I have it. Now I know that there are other people that are going through tougher things than me. There are people like me. Thanks to all of you, Michaela Prince.

    • Jack March 7, 2017, 11:04 pm

      Good for you. I am so glad to see something positive. Soon, my daughter will be gone 1 year and I dread every day as that day approaches. Hang in there, there will be some good days and hopefully they will outnumber the bad. We all have bad days, it’s part of life, but there is always tomorrow.

  • Isaac Billman December 19, 2016, 4:40 pm

    I experience 4 and 8. I choose not to express these feelings, there are just thoughts that keep running through my head that I just can’t control. It has just gotten away from me.

  • Robin December 19, 2016, 11:00 am

    My beautiful disabled daughter has been struggling with the devil of suicide. We have taken her for meds, repeatedly, therapy to top notch provider, and make her know how much we and all her nine siblings and their families love her… her primary provider retired but still calls us and her to find out how she is doing and interfaces regularly with new doctor.

    Sadly this triggered by PTSD caused by raid on our home not over anything she’d or we’d done but accusations made against our son by his ex… who blackmailed him and worsened by my dear disabled combat veteran hubby becoming bedridden… please pray for her. I’m so sorry for all of your pain. Hugs and prayers for all of you.

  • Enter to win November 23, 2016, 11:26 am

    I look at pictures of the cosmos and think about how lucky I am that I get to be a part of it. I am still in pain. But I know I have worth, even if I am the only one who loves me. I am happy to get up and experience nature… the sun… the moon… stars… the wind blowing. I have ulcerative colitis and have horrible bouts with it.

    I get through them and worry about my next flare. I have Borderline PD and type 2 diabetes. I don’t want to die. I watch puppy videos and I feel better. I hope everyone here has some peace on this earth. I hope you find some pleasure and experience something good on your worst days. Some comfort.

  • Adrian November 12, 2016, 3:36 pm

    I suffer from long term major depression. I am 54. Antidepressants and other medical treatment have never helped. I have lived in the hell of depression for thirty years. I wish that I had killed myself long ago. Nothing is worth the suffering of existence. It will never get better. At my age, single, depressed, lonely, my life is not worth living. Better to drink the hemlock. I curse the day that I was born.

    • Starfish November 25, 2016, 10:05 am

      Adrian… single is not a bad thing. Don’t fall into how society measures us. It’s not their business. Having someone doesn’t make someone… living a life that you love others with nothing in return does. Many are without someone… and many are with someone that they suffer misery but are too scared to be alone.

      You have to write down your good things. We all have them. My girlfriend is a quadriplegic and just lost her daughter to suicide… has no husband… and the story is worse than many can imagine. She still gets up and finds something to live for. I am ashamed at times I get down.

      A book that may change your life is Living a Life Without Limits. I saw him at my church on stage and even Google it. No limbs no worries. Read his story. God bless and fight the fight. No point going early… you have a purpose and one day you will be glad you fought a good fight to see it.

  • JD November 10, 2016, 3:52 am

    My numbers would be 7, 11, 12, and 13. I was born with a condition that wasn’t caught early. I have had 13 surgeries because it. I have been in severe chronic pain for over 17 years now. I can’t work. The one thing that crosses my mind is when I would kill myself.

  • Jim October 14, 2016, 12:59 am

    I am done. The only thing that has kept me from committing suicide is the thought of Hell. But as I explore further, I believe Jesus Christ will forgive me. I was once at the top of my game. I had my own company that closed due to financial and legal issues. Due to other circumstances related to my old company, my marriage fell apart.

    Now I am in divorce court without money and no job. I am on the wrong side of 40. My ex-wife and the courts have fought to keep me from my children. Since I cannot afford an attorney, they threw me in jail for failing to pay child support (even though, no order to pay exists – we have not finalized the divorce – and I voluntarily paid $2K a month until only a few months ago).

    I have literally applied to more than 500 jobs and have not landed one. I just feel cursed completely. The only out is suicide. I KNOW this! The real question is not whether or not I will commit suicide, but how. My life has completely fallen apart and it is time. I really wish everyone the best of luck with their respective decisions. To me… for me… I know the best way is to end it.

    • Starfish November 25, 2016, 10:22 am

      Never stop trusting almighty God. You have everything to live for. You state you are a believer… read Job in the bible. Then read Ecclesiasticus… there is nothing new under the sun God says. Really read it. Google Life Without Limits by Nick Vujicic. See him on YouTube. I saw him live at my church. Get his book… keep it and read it. He should inspire you to never look back. God bless and I pray you will find hope. You will.

  • Kat October 8, 2016, 3:41 am

    I feel like I’m experiencing all of these. Both my brothers have died and I’m my moms last adult child. Meanwhile she doesn’t seem especially bothered. All she can talk about is the next vacation to go on and I can’t read her mind so haven’t said anything cruel to bring her down. I’ve been in an extremely difficult education program and am having trouble eating from the constant stress and anxiety.

    It feels the only thing I can control is my food intake. Lately I go to bed and just want to never wake up or think about all the ways I can end my life. I don’t want to hurt my family so I go on living. I have the highest GPA in school but worry I’ll fail when it comes down to the wire.

  • Marc October 6, 2016, 11:25 pm

    I’ve been planning to end my life for over three years now. At first, I thought it was just a phase, because I’ve had suicidal thoughts since I was in my early teens, but now I believe it’s inevitable. It’s very hard to explain, but I find myself “going through all the motions” in this plan – writing a will, considering options for disposal of my remains and my property, reconnecting and – indirectly – saying goodbye to old friends… almost as though I want to make sure everything is in order before I do this.

    That way, if (or when) I actually do this, everything will be in order. I am not writing this in order to seek help, sympathy, or attention. That’s part of why it’s hard to explain my feelings on this: I feel almost compelled to go through with it, like a powerful magnet is pulling me closer, and now, suddenly, I am feeling the pull get stronger. There just isn’t anything more I feel I need to do in my life, and I’m just not interested in living any more. It’s pointless to prolong this dissatisfaction and resignation.

  • Carmalita October 2, 2016, 7:53 pm

    I was molested when I was a little girl. I’ve tried to deal with it my entire life. I am in financial ruins, I have no purpose left in life. I sit daily wondering why I am here. What am I supposed do. I feel like a fake. I’m tired of trying. I’m blk, a woman, liberal, and lost in this country. This election has taken a toll on me.

    I’m hated because of the color of my skin. This world could give a damn about me. The only bright spots in my life are my sons, but they are adults now so I have nothing left to keep me here I have a disabled brother, who is selfish as hell. He even said he wish he was alone at one point. That stuck with me. I’m always crying in my room.

    I keep it hidden. No one has a clue. They don’t care. It makes it easy to hide. I’m getting closer to the end. I’m scared right now. I do worry about my youngest son. He loves me. He is a beautiful child. I got that right. The only thing I am proud of. He will be crushed and I think that is why I am still here. He is 17.

    • Anonymous October 8, 2016, 4:05 pm

      Carmalita – Remember how beautiful life is. Think about your two Sons, and how grateful they must be to have you as there mother. You have so much to look forward to. Get rid of those false thoughts and try to think positive. Sometimes the news has a way of getting us down. Try watching a funny movie or TV show Instead. Also, don’t stress too much about the election. The people will make the right decision. Hang in there Carmalita!

      Poem below-

      “To believe is to know that
      every day is a new beginning.
      Is to trust that miracles happen,
      and dreams really do come true.

      To believe is to see angels
      dancing among the clouds,
      To know the wonder of a stardust sky
      and the wisdom of the man in the moon.

      To believe is to know the value of a nurturing heart,
      The innocence of a child’s eyes
      and the beauty of an aging hand,
      for it is through their teachings we learn to love.

      To believe is to find the strength
      and courage that lies within us
      When it’s time to pick up
      the pieces and begin again.

      To believe is to know
      we are not alone,
      That life is a gift
      and this is our time to cherish it.

      To believe is to know
      that wonderful surprises are just
      waiting to happen,
      And all our hopes and dreams are within reach.

      If only we believe.”

      A Time To Believe
      by B.J. Morbitzer

    • Angie December 6, 2016, 9:26 pm

      Carmelita, I am white, but believe me that I understand how cruel and dismissive the world is over superficial nonsense. If the U.S. is the best the world has to offer, then there is little hope that the world will continue much further without Divine intervention. I pray you hang on. I feel your pain.

  • Michael October 1, 2016, 4:09 pm

    I was laid off in April 2015; it took me a year to find a job; I was just laid off again, this time with no unemployment insurance as I did not work there long enough. I am 54, alone, have no children, the family of my childhood has long passed way. My leaving would not be “selfish” because nobody would be affected. I am not a teenager with a lifetime ahead of him, so there is no need for therapists and education and awareness teams to spring into action.

    I see no future anymore; clearly all of my education and experience is worthless to make a living. Leaving has been on my mind for many months and there is no way around it anymore that I can see. I argue against myself but when I weigh the options and future, I can’t see it any other way than leaving.

    • Patti October 8, 2016, 5:58 pm

      Dear Michael: I am 63, have two grown children and tried to kill myself a year ago because I had lost my husband, my best friend and the only one who really cared about my leaving this earth was my cat. I went into Mather Hospital and got on Paxil and Xanax. After 6 months in therapy I got better. My life is better now and I know it sounds so easy and simple but it can get better. You will not always feel good. There are days when you will not feel good. But there is always the next day and new hope. Do not give up.

      • Michael October 21, 2016, 3:16 am

        Thank you Patti.

  • Jari September 18, 2016, 12:29 pm

    I have no friends and feel very alone in this world. I have a son that I am raising on my own and it’s not easy. Sometimes I think everything would be better if I just wasn’t here anymore. I’m always sad and always crying. I am deeply depressed. My family doesn’t understand me. I don’t have anyone to talk to. I hate life. I hate my life. I just want to end it all.

    • Markus September 24, 2016, 1:11 pm

      Jari. This probably won’t help you, but thought I’d just say that I recognize your pain. I do indeed hope your pain will end soon. It’s a dark, dark, hopeless place to be. I won’t and honestly can’t promise that things will be better, but thought I’d reply to your pain and this way be present to you over the internet. With sincere respect, Markus

  • Victor August 29, 2016, 3:19 am

    My life sucks. I’m not going to go into why, because, frankly, no one wants to hear it. I am in a rut and have become totally worthless as both a husband and father. I am ashamed of myself constantly, and the part of the day that I look forward to the most is going to sleep at night, so at least I can have some sort of escape. I am watching YouTube videos about life after death in hopes that there is one, but really, I don’t care at this point. Life, society and the people in it all suck.

    I am tired of hearing how “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem…” In my case, death has to be better than where I’m at now. Anyway, I just wanted to get that off of my chest. Can anyone suggest a way to make a suicide look like a heart attack or some other type of natural cause? I want my family to be able to collect life insurance. Thanks.

    • Adrian December 17, 2016, 6:35 am

      Hey Victor, I’m not sure about the suggestion, but I wanted to “hold some space” instead. Yeah, the “permanent solution to a temporary problem” line is laughable. There are many levels of despair and hopelessness, and anyone who has gone to extremes for prolonged periods of time realizes that a lot of people just don’t know what they’re talking about. You’re probably never going to see this, but I’m sending you some empathic love with my thoughts right now.

  • ANONYMOUS August 28, 2016, 11:28 am

    I have all of these feelings, my mother was murdered in 2012, so I moved in with my grandfather and grandmother, and uncle to take care of them. My uncle died 6 months later after my mother died, then I lost my grandmother from a stroke in that same year. I basically took care of my uncles health and my grandparents. My wife and I we’re their primary caregivers.

    I lost 3 family members within 9 months apart, and then lost my grandfather just this year on may15th, he was like a father to me. So now I have no job, no income, no food, and I’m dealing with probate court too over estate, because my other uncle forged power of attorney, during hospice care for my grandfather, and he also forged his will too. My uncle says that he is going to make sure I’m left a house because that’s my grandfather’s wishes.

    However, I see nothing but deceit. My family owns 4 properties all paid off, and my uncle basically wants it all. So, basically I have no family left except for my wife and son. I contemplate suicide all of the time, my son and wife are the ones that keep me going. Also I do not even know who my biological father is, so the four family members that just died are all that I had.

    My grandmother was like a mother to me, and my grandfather was like a father to me.I so much stress that I cannot even put it into words. Mostly everything on that list is me, except for the psychotic part, I suffer from deep depression, lack of sleep, anxiety, joblessness, worrying about bills, food, a roof over my head, and many other things. I haven’t worked in 3 years because of this.

    Also, taking care of my sick family members wiped out my savings, I have nothing anymore. Imagine watching people that you love, die around you wile in hospice care at home wile you’re taking care of them. It has ripped my heart out soul to shreds…

  • Laurent August 24, 2016, 5:33 pm

    Did I read this right? “Escaping the everyday pain and suffering associated with life is impossible.” If pain and suffering are INEVITABLE, then who is anyone to command another human being who had no choice in coming into existence that she/he must remain here, suffering? It’s feasible that one cannot significantly increase one’s coping mechanisms OR decrease the pain in one’s life. Then only the person to whom the life belongs–the one living it–should have any say in whether or not that life is worth living.

    It is the supreme arrogance of humanity that, after inventing labels to characterize people as “sick” (without the biomolecular evidence of so-called disease), and dismissing these human beings from the protective social sphere (no jobs–so no money to survive–and no companionship…), we then tell them they may not leave. Just stay here suffering for decades until crime or neglect or disease kills you. No, we won’t help you as you’re suffering–we don’t want our tax dollars wasted on you; we don’t want to give you a job to generate the money you need actually to live in a capitalist society; and, god knows, we certainly don’t want you around us–you depressing, wrong-acting human-thing.

    But still, stick around until you wither away. Just don’t bother the rest of us in the meantime. And oh, the mental health profession can’t guarantee you a diminution in your pain that would be meaningful to YOU, either, no matter how assiduously you follow your doctors’ and therapists’ regimens. So, live long and suffer. And then die. No mercy for you.

    No doctor or “therapist” will ever commit me. My life is my property. I alone will decide when and how I die, assuming something else doesn’t first take me. I know what my fellow humans are capable of. I see us neglect and abuse one another EVERY day. And not just common people like me. Politicians, judges, lawyers, doctors–all the heads of society–all advocate policies that ultimately benefit themselves, or minimally, just don’t help those who really need help. I’m not trusting in my government or any professionals to help me. I’ll help myself OUT of this hellish existence I NEVER asked for.

    • Angie December 6, 2016, 9:05 pm

      You nailed it. No reasonable person can counter your argument. Life is cruel to many more than the few it well serves.

    • Dani December 14, 2016, 1:21 am


  • Acnescarrrred August 20, 2016, 1:39 pm

    You should have included acne scars on the list. People that develop moderate to severe acne scars are shunned by society. Their old friends are embarrassed to be associated with them. Employers see it as unprofessional and unhygienic. They think that if you can’t take care of yourself, you likely can’t handle responsibility on the job. Acne scar sufferers are linked to high rates of unemployment.

    The possible treatments are very expensive and only provide a mild improvement at best. Acne scars are a hopeless existence. No friends, family, career, money, depression, depression, substance abuse, anxiety, PTSD, poverty, and ultimately suicide are inevitable. Everyone reports the same thing but it never makes lists like these. F-CK YOU PEOPLE FOR MAKING ME FEEL THIS WAY.

    • Angie December 6, 2016, 8:55 pm

      I am so sorry. I knew a girl, well, I interacted with her on rare occasion, in high school, some 38 years ago (seems like yesterday) who was last belt, unattractive even without the scars, which were pronounced. She was ostracised and bullied. I was kind to her, but was dealing with my own silent horror. I can understand this is a huge, overlooked issue that desperately needs attention. Again, I am truly sorry.

  • Ram August 14, 2016, 2:41 am

    That explains a lot… I have social anxiety and general distrust in humanity. I just always feel so out of place especially in social situations so I try to avoid it at all cost. I’m just fed up with everything and everyone… I was also bullied throughout my life… And a few months ago I was diagnosed with HIV. I’m attempting to pass a board exam I just don’t know if I still have the heart to do…

  • Larry August 11, 2016, 5:59 pm

    From all the messages I’ve read the choice is crystal clear. There is no hope. There is no other side. There is no what if it gets better. Thank you for the clarity.

  • Anon2 August 5, 2016, 4:07 pm

    I have 1, 2, 3, 8, 11 on the list. I am still struggling with existential crisis after many years. Born and raised in a multicultural country in a household with a variety of faiths. Been searching for answers since years ago. I am now in my early 20s, and I feel so stuck.

  • Lisa July 31, 2016, 2:24 am

    ‘Suicide is a final solution for temporary problems’? How wonderful it must be to relegate everyone’s intense misery to one platitude. I am a chronic pain sufferer. I’ve been trying to get some actual, lasting help since 1998. Because I was born with a birth defect (easily repaired as an infant, but my parents were poor, and my father was busy beating everyone), my pelvis is twisted and I have a leg length discrepancy. I worked out with weights and swam a mile and a half each day, as well as walking, biking, etc.

    I gave birth to two beautiful, large sons without using any pain medication. When I was in my early 40’s, it all caught up to me. I began to have intense sciatic pain on my left side, from my lower back to my heel. Pain ‘specialists’ gave me large doses of Neurontin for nerve pain to treat it, but that drug didn’t help the pain at all. It DID make me intensely paranoid and nervous, caused audial hallucinations, and ruined my sense of balance.

    I had a very bad fall which destroyed my left knee. Since then, I’ve had a hip replacement with two revisions, and my knee will be replaced in early November. Because of doctor’s negligence, I am forced to have a very simple and rudimentary prosthesis in my knee, which will last approximately 7 years. Then I’ll have to do it all again.

    I have intractable pain in my hips, left knee, and lower back. All of my problems are the result of my parent’s negligence. Naturally, I’m feeling very guilty about leaving behind my sons, husband, and a friend who really will feel profound sadness, but I am so, so tired of fighting with my doctors about the proper dose of the proper medications. I am weary of struggling to smile, to keep my house decent, and to put a good meal on the table before 8 pm.

    I’ve had times of immense pleasure and pride several years ago when my sons were young, and I had an interesting job. All that is gone now. I can’t help but think that my future will involve more pain and more disability. My brother and sisters and husband and sons are all vibrant, healthy athletes, as are their sons and daughters. I do not fit in with them anymore. In fact I make them uncomfortable. I’m actively pursuing some kind of understanding with God, as I can’t help but think that he (she?) will be unhappy with a suicide.

    • Victor August 29, 2016, 3:27 am

      Why do you believe that God would be unhappy with a suicide? The Bible never condemns suicide. In fact, if you think about it, Jesus had every chance to escape Jerusalem before he was to be crucified, yet chose to stay. Isn’t that a form of suicide? Wouldn’t the human race have been better off if he lived?

      Regardless, don’t let any religious institution tell you that suicide is wrong. All those institutions do is manufacture answers to life’s existential questions that no one can answer for sure, and then pass around the collection basket. Our lives are our own to take.

      • Nick March 11, 2018, 3:28 pm

        Victor, what you are suggesting here is not just absolutely wrong, but by your words you are making another person feel it is all ok if she kills herself. You should never ever do that. Jesus Christ is God and the fact that he didn’t escape Jerusalem shows His courage and willingness to endure what had to be done in order to save us.

        This was not a form of suicide. Far from it. The human race was saved because of Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross. There are religious institutions and heresies that manufacture lies and propaganda to collect money. Nevertheless, Jesus Christ is not an institution. The Bible is not an institution.

        Jesus’ church is not an institution as you mean it. It is a place of salvation where if they collect offerings they use them to help other fellow human beings cope with the hardships of life, not for personal commodities.

        I don’t presume to know the suffering that Lisa or anyone else is going through. However, we should pray and seek help from God and His church for our problems, where people have found meaning and salvation in their life.

  • Aidan July 29, 2016, 11:33 pm

    3,4,8,11. When I was a teen, I had acne, was Jewish, had no Mom, and was considered fat by others. I was driven half to insanity, I tried to off myself twice, and failed. I have split personalities and have no one to talk to this about, except the internet.

    Jeez, I never had it easy, and never will. My good half of me has found a reason for me to live on, so here I am. Still restraining myself from trying to commit suicide.

  • Vicky July 26, 2016, 11:04 pm

    I have suffered with various phobias and anxieties since I was a child and have been a chronic worrier. Now I actually have a real problem where I am chronically suffering with bowel issues which makes me go for days without sleep and can barely get out of bed some days. I accept where I am in life. I look back at all the incredibly trivial things I was anxious about and they are nothing compared to what I go through now.

    There is nothing medical that can help me and I have tried my best to stay hopeful over the last 6 years. I am frightened of a life of suffering and how I am supposed to carry on like this. I have done this to myself through stressing and depression over small things and really didn’t appreciate how lucky I was in the past. I have a lovely life with everything I could ask for and can’t see that I will ever be well enough to enjoy it.

  • Amber July 26, 2016, 1:17 am

    My name is Amber. I’m 33. I’m married I have a 9 year old son and my husband and I are in the process of adopting my 9 year cousin. She’s a good kid. Anyway, I have suffered from bipolar for over 20 years, have taken numerous medications and started feeling good. Tried to commit suicide. my cousin took his life in Feb 2010 Was stable on meds until my mother got sick in 2013, at the time I was still stable on meds.

    I quit smoking lost 100pds. My mom passed in jan 2015 lost my step dad April 20¹6 and since I feel like I’m in a brain fog. Started smoking cigs again, weed. Now I sit here day after day feeling overwhelmed with life. I have high anxiety and often feel empty. Yes I’ve been seeing my psych regularly. He upped my meds. Which still are not working. I’m in school for paralegal.

    I often feel that everyone would be better off without me. I suffer from chronic pain daily. I even find myself thinking of ways to do myself in. I don’t want to lose my daughter by going to a mental institution. But I’m afraid that one of these days when my mind goes blank and into that fog I may do it. Anyways thanks for listening.

  • Kat July 26, 2016, 1:05 am

    1,2,3,5,8,9,10,11. I probably need help.

    • By james December 16, 2016, 11:24 pm

      Don’t feel bad. I know I need help I’m just not sure how to go about it. 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 8, 11, 13, 14.

  • Teresa July 20, 2016, 2:18 am

    Wow! I suffer from 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 10, 11, 13, 14 and 15. I guess the article is accurate. There really is no place for me here. At least I know it isn’t in “my head”. I’m not frightened of dying. That is another part of my problem. I’ve tried twice before… only do wake up to having my stomach pumped and a sore throat for many days from the the tube.

    At least 7 hospitalisations for depression. Wishing death every single moment of my day while I’m awake…and it never finds me. I’ve been hit by 13 different irresponsible drivers over 35 years. 3 of those accidents were life threatening where jaws of life were used to extract me. The stupid drivers can’t even kill me.

    I keep asking myself “Why?” I’ve all but given up on this life. I need some relief. I’m not going to get it in this lifetime.

  • Rudy July 14, 2016, 6:31 pm

    10 out of 15. Guess I’m 2/3 there…

  • Shelly July 13, 2016, 7:44 pm

    I am in the financial crisis boat. I am a person living with bipolar disorder and anxiety, raising my daughters alone and solely caring for my elderly mother. I work as a substance abuse counselor and don’t make enough money to support us. My car got wrecked and no one cares that I am driving a 30 year old loaner from the rehab I work for. I have family and friends with money but no one cares that I have struggled all my life because I wasn’t taught skills.

    Every night I drive home I look at the side of the mountain I go down and wonder if I can break through the guardrail. (Its a 400 foot drop in places). I know I won’t do it because I feel too responsible to take care of everyone else so I live in this hell of wanting to die and not being able to because I know he devastation it would leave behind. I even started a gofundme page to get donations for a cheap used car without having to make payments…

    I got $30. Beats nothing but really?! That is all I mean to you?! I do go work. I teach people how to live without drugs and alcohol. How to see the world differently. How to become positive people in society! What a hypocrite I am!!! No one cares that there are people alive today because of things I helped teach them. I’m not looking for martyrdom; just recognition that I matter! I am somebody!

    My clients have seen me low but I have to hide most of it. I really just want to go to sleep and not wake up. Maybe then the rich family would take of my kids because the situation would be “so tragic”. Funny how it has to go that far for people to notice or care!

  • Matt July 8, 2016, 12:09 am

    16 y/o here. 11 is the only problem really affecting me, but I feel too intelligent for my own good in the sense that I see no optimism – I see society as a trap in which I cannot escape – I must be employed, must be educated, must have children, etc. Sometimes I wish I could live hundreds of years ago in the wilderness so I could experience real freedom, but I know in reality I only have 2 options, conform or die.

  • Manny June 27, 2016, 5:25 am

    If anyone reading this is overcome or considering ending their own life, please, please, please try and take some quiet time to relax and take a deep breath. Stop for a minute and ponder all of the lives you touch daily or which you ever have touched. Many of the thoughts you are having are impressed upon you by outside sources and are not naturally created by your own mind. You have to be able to identify one by one the sources of these thoughts and address each “reason” for the way you feel.

    Sit down and write them down if you have to. These thoughts are called “logismi” and have a nasty way of piling up and overwhelming your thought process and taking control of your actions almost without you noticing. But when confronted individually, these thoughts often disappear like a puff of smoke. You have to take mental charge, because whether you know it or not, or whether you like it or not, there are many people whose lives will be permanently and irrevocably changed for the worse by your actions.

    SUICIDE is a permanent solution to temporary problems. All things will resolve themselves, many times without any actions on your part. You have to remain patient and whatever you do, do not lose faith or hope in the future. It is this desperation and loss of focus on on a goal of happiness that causes depression sadness, loss of hope, self pity, etc. The goal of happiness is reachable and you can’t give up.

    To give up is a very bad thing. and in addition to the trauma to others, is very very very bad for your soul (worst possible thing!) Even if you are not religious or don’t really believe in God, you must understand that there is another life (call it a parallel universe if you want) and that one is permanent, this life (universe) is only a “practice run” and how you handle yourself in this temporary life 100% determines how you fare on the next life (universe). Don’t just take my word.

    There are a great deal of writings and accounts of people’s lives that, for one reason or another, experienced situations where they actually got the chance to see the results of taking their own lives and then were brought back into this life, In every example they immediately regretted their rash and selfish act but were powerless to change it. God gave them another chance, these are often called “near death experiences or NDE’s.

    Once you have succeeded in taking your own life there is no coming back, no do overs, no “I’m sorry, but I changed my mind”. Please read some ancient religious texts from the “Fathers” of the Orthodox Church, available on line. These men and women were Saints who had access to seeing into the next world and giving very good advice as to how to attain a beneficial and God pleasing life here, so that when you are called to leave (NOT by making the call yourself) you will also have a beneficial and pleasant permanent afterlife. Take a few minutes to educate yourself.

    If you can’t do that then at least take a minute or two to read the “parable of the rich man and Lazarus” in the Holy Bible, this is a very clear and concise description of what I have related herein. Also, the “Vision of St. Theodora” is a beneficial reading. See also “aerial toll houses”. Please accept my sincere best wishes and heartfelt desire for you to be happy ALWAYS (permanently) I promise that, if you adhere to some of the things stated here and embrace the concept of a mysterious and unexplainable dual universe you will not be far from success, and the onslaught of bad thoughts will be overcome and defeated to your eternal benefit.

    Don’t give up, a new and bright future awaits with each new day. You just have to stick around and see for yourself to see if I am right or not, but, if you give in to the bad thoughts, you will never know if the words I speak are true… so, prove me right, a LOT of people will be glad you did. and so will you, I promise. I, for one, will be the gladdest, since, if I help anybody with this post, I will get “extra credit” too, so you are already guaranteed to help at least one person by your good choices. Think about it. Take your time!

  • Beca June 20, 2016, 1:16 am

    I have 13 and starting to feel very hopeless and depressed. I suffered from depression when I lost a loved one 15 years ago, but nothing compares to feeling physical pain every day 24/7. Everything is fixable, you may find a new job, a new husband/wife, you can turn your life around and fight to change what is wrong, but there are things that can’t be changed and it’s not up to you.

    I am only 35 years old and had a promising future, a good husband and family and so many goals and one of them was to be a mother. But everything changed when the fire nation attacked then I met a young boy named Ann, he has a lot to learn but one day I think he may save the world. I also suffer from back/SI join/buttock pain 24/7 which limit my life completely.

    I cannot work anymore or have a baby and struggle to do the most stupid things like sitting in a theater and watching a movie. Going to the grocery store or doing simple things have become my daily goals and I feel happy when I am able to do that. Money won’t buy you healthy. I have spent over many tens of thousands in doctors and treatments that only make me worse. Have traveled around the world for a solution and painkillers stop working when you take them for long periods of time.

    I would not feel that miserable if I was not only 35 years old and have been suffering since 32. I don’t know how I will endure another 50 years of my life living like that. I feel sorry for my husband that won’t be able to have the family we always dreamed of. He works long hours to pay all our medical bills that never stop coming and I am about to end it all if a solution is not found soon.

    My body is alive but my soul is dying inside. I went through a lot of difficult times in my life, but they all could be changed. But I can’t change this pain and can’t make it go away, my life is over and I feel totally hopeless.

  • Kelly Beth June 20, 2016, 1:07 am

    Michell A. is right hard times come and go, though I just want you to remember that Jesus loves us all and the men are always looking to hurt us. Love you all, please stick together <3

  • Kristen June 18, 2016, 5:23 pm

    I fall in 1, 2, 3, 8, and 11. I feel that I have both depression and anxiety, that I’m like a hermit, and that I question my own existence. I’ve been bullied and left out as a social outcast throughout school due to my factual knowledge and lack of experience with friends. When I was 13 years of age, I was a victim of sexual abuse and I felt even more terrible. It was like a dark cloud over my head.

    It took me 5 years to reveal it to my parents because I was afraid. It took away my innocence, self-esteem, and trust for other men. My parents tried helping me, but nothing seems to change. I went through other bad stuff, such as the losses of my maternal grandmother to Stage IV Lung Cancer and my paternal grandfather to pneumonia, complicated with emphysema.

    I went to a university and I found it to be enjoyable when I met a group of at least 10 young women, but later on, I learned that they party and drink on campus, which was illegal. I avoided them and met 2 girls who are like me. We did things together until one of them in the middle of the year… when her depression got worse. At one point she almost committed suicide, but her mother stopped her.

    When I returned home, things haven’t changed much. I do not want to live like this… I want hope!!!

  • Kyle June 13, 2016, 9:20 pm

    1, 3, 6, 8 and 14. But I’m not exactly suicidal yet. I’m open to dying and wouldn’t care much if I did, but I’m gonna give it a while longer before I start making my mind up about this.

    • Travis July 5, 2016, 4:23 am

      I know what you mean. At this current moment I’m not fully prone to suicide but I know will be soon. I don’t care what happens to my body, I absolutely detest myself. My life is merely a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

  • Beca June 13, 2016, 3:50 pm

    I have 13 and starting to feel very hopeless and depressed. I suffered from depression when I lost a love one 15 years ago but nothing compares to feel physical pain every day 24/7. Everything is fixable, you may find a new job, a new husband/wife, you can turn your life around and fight to change what is wrong but there are you thing that can’t be changed and it’s not up to you and this is your healthy.

    I am only 35 years old and had a promising future, a good husband and family and so many goals and one of them was to be a mother. But everything changed when I hurt my back three years ago and suffer from back/SI join/buttock pain 24/7 which limit my life completely. I cannot work anymore or have a baby and struggle to do the most stupid things like sitting on a theater and watching a movie.

    Going to the grocery store or doing simple things have become my daily goals and I feel happy when ai am able to do that. Money won’t buy you healthy I have spend over many tens of thousands in doctors and treatments that only make me worse. Have traveled around the world for a solution and painkillers stop working when you take them for long periods of time.

    I would not feel that miserable if I was not only 35 years old and have been suffering since 32 and don’t know how I will endure another 50 years of my life living like that. I feel sorry for my husband that won’t be able to have the family we always dreamed with. He works long hours to pay all our medical bills that never stop coming and I am about to end it all if a solution is not found soon.

    My body is alive but my soul is dying inside. I went though a lot of difficult time in my life but they all could be changed but I can’t change this pain and can’t make it go away, my life is over and I feel totally hopeless.

  • Yvette June 12, 2016, 3:48 pm

    I have 1, 8, 9, 13, 14. I just had a really close friend commit suicide on Sunday a week ago. Today is her service. I am not suicidal, but I experience the risks. I have been going through a myriad of emotions all week. Today I feel angry for some reason. I am glad I found this page as well as others and the comments make sense.

  • Leo June 9, 2016, 3:39 am

    I feel like this summer is going to be my last, for I have no friends or anybody in general who I can share how my day was. The pain of being alone is completely out of this world.

    • Grete September 7, 2016, 9:24 pm

      Talk to me, Leo! I’m lonely too. My boyfriend cheated on me for a year. I kept giving him “second chances” but he kept lying. He left and came back 3 times saying he couldn’t live without me, but actually refused to answer my questions or just lied about still messing behind me… I just found out the whole story today.

      He finally honestly answered my questions because cheating is over now, plus he had already dumped me again.I’ve been through hell because of him and I still love him, even though I really should not. He says this time he left me because after he fell out of “love” with the mistress, he finally realized how much he had hurt me and now he just cannot forgive himself, can’t look into my eyes, can’t even see me.

      So now that he finally told me the whole truth, everything that had been going on behind my back…. I feel so tired and numb and hurt at the same time. I’m 34 y/o, I feel I have no future, I won’t be able to love again. That last year has already killed me, so why not make it “official”? During that harsh year I’ve been feeling so much pain and actually symptoms of PTSD, anxiety, insomnia…

  • Jamie June 6, 2016, 5:15 am

    To anyone reading this article. Don’t count how many of the reasons you have that are “reasons people commit suicide”. I can tell you 1 reason you shouldn’t, you’re alive & life is a gift & as they say for the living. No matter how bad your life is, how many reasons you have according to this article, that they are reasons people commit suicide.

    Everyone reading this right now has someone that would literally or figuratively take your place right now. Why? Because you are alive. Right now. Live your life the best you can no matter what challenges you may face. You are alive and breathing right now.

    • Rudy July 14, 2016, 6:36 pm

      Life is not a gift, it’s a curse.

  • SB June 4, 2016, 5:18 pm

    I’ve suffered thirty years of depression and semi social isolation. The chickens are coming home to roost and I no longer have the will to live, I fear developing psychosis. I’m very self conscious, I’m not social and look like I’ve been dragged through hell. My life is agony. The world’s becoming an ever more pitiless place and it’s just survival of the fittest. Please god, kill me, NOW.

    • Travis July 5, 2016, 4:29 am

      I can relate to you, my life isn’t worth living anymore. People arguing “oh nooo! Travis! Your life is so important!”. How is it when I’m an absolute failure and a joke. You’re right it is agony… Sheer… Agony.

      • Rudy July 14, 2016, 6:36 pm

        I know how you feel. Sometimes the pain outweighs all else. When sometimes becomes all the time, I think I’ll quit. People come up with trite BS like “You’re life is so precious” and “You are loved”, etc. etc. But what they don’t realize is that in spite of all of that, life is painful beyond bearing. When you detest existence nothing can make it better. I don’t want to hurt my loved ones either, but I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired.

  • Mary ryan June 3, 2016, 7:03 am

    I met the love of my life, my soul mate when I was 14 years old. He was amazing, handsome a beautiful person. As the years passed the love grew stronger and stronger. At the age of 23 we married. The most amazing day of our lives had arrived. We have 5 amazing children who have smiles and hugs that melted his heart each and every day. He adored them.

    I always remember the day they were born. Midwife would hand them to him snuggled up in a blanket. His face transfixed on their little faces. He smiled hardly blinking his eyes. It was the most beautiful experience I have ever seen. He was a fab person, a hard worker, trained 4 teams and groups of children in sports clubs in the community, was chairman. A member of the school council. Went out of his way to help others anyway he could.

    But… Inside all this he suffered an awful childhood himself. Emotionally, verbally and sexually abused by a family member. This he never spoke of and didn’t want to. He was ashamed even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. He left all this at the back of his mind while he became verbally emotionally abusive, controlling and obsessive to his own children. One day he would realise this and try to be a better man.

    Still giving some time to everybody else. He had been through the mental health system to be discharged saying he hadn’t a mental health problem. It was anger issues! He was getting help for anger issues and had a long way to go. Relationship suffered to a point where we found it so hard to live with him. Even though we loved him he made it very hard for us to be around him. He refused to think he had any issues.

    There wasn’t anything wrong with him! He didn’t need to go to a doctor. He didn’t need medication. He convinced himself he was ok and he didn’t need anyone. He chose to take his own life in February. Leaving behind his loving parents, brothers sisters, his amazing 5 children who have been struggling so so hard to live without him. This experience has stunned and saddened all of us.

    He didn’t realise how much we all loved him or how much he touched our lives, the lives of his friends, work colleagues, people in the community who appreciated and loved him too. Everyone’s lives have changed. My own 2 older children have spoken of suicide and wanted to be with him. Saying they want the pain to go away. I am pleading to any of you out there who feel hurt, that deep pain you must feel inside. That want to end your life.

    The want to be somewhere else. Please please stop and try to think. If only for a second… There is help there. There are people who want to help. There are people who love you more than you can ever realise. You are worth it. You have a big beautiful life. You are worth so much to the people who love you. You will never realise the pain others will feel once you are gone.

    It will not go away. It will forever be in their hearts too. No matter what you have struggled and what pain you have been through please please speak out. Speak to anyone anyone at all. Please don’t let a life of struggle end your own. In my mind my hubby wore a mask which he hid behind for over 30 years. He was somebody else. He was our somebody else. He was our life too.

    We love and miss him every second of every day and our pain is unbearable but we have to keep on going. On trying to deal with the why???? What if??? How could we have helped?? Yes we all have those feelings. We all have the guilt of not being able to help. The hardest part is he didn’t see it himself. My daughter says ‘her children are not going to have a grandad’.

    He’s not going to be there on her wedding day which he spoke of so much when she was a kid. He’s not going to be there to share in all the precious moments that are yet to come, moments like the transfixed state he experienced when they were born. He was the most proud dad in the world. He was our special person.

    Please speak out and know you are not alone. There are people who love you and always will. You don’t have to be macho and handle everything by yourself. You can’t do everything… But you can realise that you are worth more than you will ever know. Please talk don’t keep your feelings locked up in a box. You owe that to yourself. You are amazing and you are appreciated. You are loved by so many people.

    You are precious you have a life! No matter how bad you feel. Please help yourself and everything you lived for up until now. You are a beautiful amazing person.

  • Number III June 2, 2016, 1:10 am

    I’m seventeen and 1, 8, 10 and 11 sound a lot like me. I have ADHD, Dyslexia and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I’ve spent my entire life as an outcast of society. My parents emotionally neglected me as well. Nobody has ever liked me, and I don’t think anyone ever will. All my past “friends” betrayed me. No woman has ever been attracted to me, in any way. In fact most of the ones have associated with called me ugly and et cetera.

    I was two months premature and I honestly should have died at birth, but sadly, I didn’t. I should’ve also died the first suicide attempt at twelve, and the three others after that, but again, I didn’t. I don’t understand why I just can’t die, I’m obviously not fit for this world.

  • CJ May 23, 2016, 11:59 pm

    I’m employed, just really underpaid and I’m just so tired of struggling, so tired of living in poverty. Barely having enough money to eat. And now my check engine light went off on my car indicating a transmission problem… something I can’t afford to fix. So now I’m just crying unable to sleep. My best friend was killed in a car wreck a few years back so I just have no one in this world.

    If it weren’t for monetary related issues I can work to stay positive but it’s just overwhelming, crushes you down and won’t relent. Kills me to write rent checks knowing I desperately need that money. I don’t understand why humanity can’t find a better way. Our lives are so short yet we subject ourselves to do much suffering needlessly.

    I don’t understand this world. Just rambling. I’m going to try to get some sleep… pray that my car doesn’t die me.

  • stillhere77 May 20, 2016, 4:57 am

    1-13, and 15, plus a fear about 14 depending on my employment.

  • PWS May 19, 2016, 5:07 pm

    I sometimes wonder if the impulse to commit suicide isn’t nature’s way of helping ease overpopulation. Now don’t get mad, please… I’m not saying anyone who has posted to this thread should kill themselves… in fact, I hope you don’t. But look… the deck seems really stacked against everyone. Bad politicians, sh#tty economy, inept physicians and too many damn pills, selfish people, social insociability thanks to Facebook etc. and the list goes on and on.

    Maybe this is nature’s call for us to adapt, to mutate toward positivity. I read a lot of true life problems in these comments, but frankly I also read a hell of a lot of self-pity, victimhoodization and self-loathing. Maybe each of us needs to flip the bird at life, to shout “I won’t let you kill me!” at the world, to grab onto something, anything and to hold on to life. Redefining past traumas might help; I’ve been raped, I got over it.

    I’ve been bullied, I got over it. I’ve been suicidal, I got past it. I can’t give you the will to live, if you want to die that’s your business, but again I hope you live. One suggestion: Use the 3-day rule: If you’re ready to pull the plug, wait three more days until you actually do it. Since suicide would be your last voluntary act in this life, and since you only get to do it once, why not wait a few days?

    The chance will still be there three days from now. Talk with somebody, even a stranger. Honestly assess your life without self-pity and without claiming victim status. Be strong. Live!

  • Arc May 10, 2016, 3:47 am

    Last year I did made a suicide attempt by swallowing ethylene glycol. I’m suffering from same conditions today too. I don’t know what’s good what’s bad but can’t withstand the pain no more. From above I’m suffering from 1, 2, 3, 4, 8, 9, 12, 14 & 15.

  • Ahmed May 9, 2016, 3:11 pm

    Got Laid off in 2014. Never had a real relationship in my life. Only crushes and long-distance ones (so that’s loneliness). Struggled with anxiety from traumatic events in my home state (revolution breakouts). Gaining weight from depression. Not working in the field I wish for. Feeling physically and socially weak. (Not witty enough, not well-built).

    Working in a job I don’t like. Left The country I like. Went back to my home state cuz my mother was sick. I feel that I have collapsed and that I am meant to collapse. My parents are also pro-fascism and hate the revolution that happened back home. It’s inhuman, the kind of life I’m leading. And it’s fake. So many bad people in my life. The good ones are far away.

  • Dyna May 4, 2016, 5:56 pm

    I have chronic pain. My doctor of 10 years retired. I can’t find a doctor willing to continue my medication. I am in so much pain. I see the only way out is death.

    • Beca June 13, 2016, 5:00 pm

      I feel your pain, please keep trying to find a doctor that will give you a good pain management plan/pills. They are not many because most of them have no clue what is to feel pain and that it’s not the depression that makes you feel pain but the pain makes you feel depressed. It’s not easy and I know what you are going through its the hardest thing someone can endure because I am a chronic pain suffer myself.

      Because of these stupid people that use prescription drugs for recreation we chronic pain suffers are denied the relief we need to live decent life and many end up buying street drugs because no human pain can endure pain 24/7. But pray and don’t give up on yourself because no one will fight for you and no one but you know how you feel. I pray that you find a compassionate good doctor that will make your live more livable. God bless.

  • Mariah May 3, 2016, 7:27 pm

    All but more on the list, but most significantly, number 11. I have struggled in all of my attempts to create a meaningful existence and to not be a burden on others, although they are generally too kind to say that. So, life, death, or this continuing purgatory?

  • Zaljko April 29, 2016, 11:11 pm

    13 here. Had horrible digestive problems for over 12 years now. Doctors are useless and can’t even address the symptoms, much less give a cure. I’ve been wishing for death since I was about 19 years old (29 now).

    Tried counseling, relaxation techniques, countless medications, dietary modifications, different eating patterns (i.e. Small frequent meals), numerous specialists, been tested for all sorts of conditions, complementary therapies (i.e. Acupuncture), etc. Nothing helps. CBT was a complete joke. If you suffer from PHYSICAL pain there really aren’t many options for you.

    I hate how people say the suicidal have to “seek out help” – like we’ve been doing nothing for years. Please. I’ve tried everything under the Sun and then some. No “mental health” professional is going to make me want to live, no matter what they do (unless they could cure my pain, but even doctors can’t do that, so what’s a touchy-feeling therapist going to do?).

    The problem is that suicide are treated as “mental health” conditions and this seems to be based on the assumption that no rational person would ever want to die. This belief is a fallacy in light of the HORRENDOUS conditions with which persons can suffer. If someone said “my pain is 10/10 every day and I suffer so much I can’t even get out of bed” I would argue that the “irrational” thing to do would be to stick around only to suffer every day!

    • Laurent August 24, 2016, 6:50 pm

      You’re 13? How brilliantly insightful, whatever your age: “The problem is that suicide is treated as a ‘mental health’ condition, and this seems to be based on the assumption that no rational person would ever want to die. This belief is a fallacy in light of the HORRENDOUS conditions with which persons can suffer.” I hope you don’t mind if I copy those lines and share them with acquaintances (I’ll cite this article’s comment section–and you–to give credit where it’s due). As I feel for everyone else suffering here, I’m really, really sorry…

  • J April 29, 2016, 8:36 am

    I’m currently experiencing tremendous anxiety from an incident that happened 2 weeks ago. I was raped during an alcohol blackout and I blame myself for engaging and flirting with this stranger. I have an SO and I have been unable to share the trauma with him or anyone else. I feel guilt, shame and an overwhelming sense of isolation. I am currently attempting sobriety and death for the first time does not seem so bad.

  • uselesscreature April 27, 2016, 7:30 pm

    I have all but the terminal illness and substance abuse. I often wish I had something terminal, so I wouldn’t have to worry about how to go about killing myself, I have no access to a vehicle, guns or other easy ways, and I have no desire to endanger others in the process. I feel hopeless, useless and miserable.

    The only things I care about anymore are eating, sleeping and my pets. The latter and my mom being the only reasons I can think of to go on living. My girlfriend killed herself several years ago and her homophobic mother and some of the mother’s friends and even a therapist blamed me. She had many of those above issues as well. I think about those who always told me life would get better and that I wonder if they truly believed that or were just telling me what they thought they were supposed to.

    I am 43, have no children, no friends, pretty much no relationship with anyone in my family but my mom, no job, haven’t worked for years, I am unsure I can even work at all, I get less than 15K a year in disability. I was born plain, and scars and a weight problem as well as stress have rendered me even uglier. I can’t afford to live alone, so I live with my mother as I have no friends or other family members who care about me.

    I am not apparently good at anything, not in any way that matters or is useful, I guess I pretty good at sleeping.

  • Mh3 April 27, 2016, 12:24 am

    As someone with Avoidant Personality Disorder, severe anxiety, depression, and social isolation, I can tell you suicide has been a constant thought of mine since I was very young. I tried to kill myself when I was 12, 20, and 26. Fortunately, I seem to be doing okay enough nowadays… but it’s hard to go on when you feel like you weren’t meant to exist.

  • Chris April 22, 2016, 3:29 am

    1, 6, 7, 8, 14, 15 – for me.

  • jean April 20, 2016, 11:08 pm

    The key for me is to love myself regardless of how friends or family treat me. Not easy. Yeah, I would love to have an adoring partner and loving family…

  • MGO April 18, 2016, 4:14 pm

    7,8,10,14 plus I lost my mom recently.

  • jean April 18, 2016, 2:33 am

    Praying for everyone on this site. I have thoughts of suicide as well. As hard as life can be, most days I believe that suicide is not the answers. I know one can have a sense of peace even in the midst of pain, loneliness and all of life’s challenges. I am going to meditate now and put one foot in front of another.

  • Michelle April 3, 2016, 4:24 am

    All but 5 and 6…I’m at my breaking point. Numbness, Emptiness, Hopeless, Lonely.

    • Kiarha April 14, 2016, 12:23 am

      Don’t give up. You are not alone.

    • Jack March 5, 2017, 7:30 pm

      Michelle talk to me. Tell me more as I think I know what you are feeling. I lost my daughter and simply feel empty. Let’s talk, we can help each other. What do you think?

  • Jennifer March 5, 2016, 12:18 am

    I suffer from anxiety and depression, I have for longer than I can remember. It has gotten to a point where I have daily anxiety attacks and I am living a life of constant fear. I would never want anyone to live that life and I’m sorry for everyone who does, I hope someday they find happiness, joy and a life free of pain. I lost my job in September of 2015, I have struggled to find one since and I have gotten to the point where ending my life always lingers in the back of my mind.

    • Elaine March 11, 2016, 4:12 am

      Dear Jennifer, Don’t give up. I’ve been looking for three years for a job. The right thing will come along when the time is right. It is incredibly frustrating though. Apply to everything. Good luck. Remember suicide is permanent and if you give it 24 hours your view may change. I know as you can read from my prior posts. Peace. Elaine

  • Elaine February 19, 2016, 4:16 am

    My dog just curled up next to my hip. He is my reason for still being here. And the love of my husband staying beside me and not wanting to disappoint my treaters to deal with a completed suicide. That’s what I’m thinking about tonight. Hope it inspires others.

  • Elaine February 19, 2016, 3:50 am

    I have attempted suicide over 30 times in my life, gone broke paying for treatment over 30 years I’m 45. I am severely depressed and considered killing myself again today. I took a moment got my pets and blew bubbles with them and laughed at their response also used play-dough for the impulses colored reached out to my therapist and husband and thought about coloring. I still feel very very depressed but I made it through the moment.

    That’s all I have left to change and make better. My health is really really bad and I need 4 surgeries in the next year and can’t pay. I don’t know how I’m alive but I am trying every F’n day to find my inspiration to make it through. Please everyone make me count and get yourselves something positive to fight for. Posting hopelessness will cause more suicides. Make my post matter and get help and I will try too.

  • Amber February 14, 2016, 5:20 am

    I lost my mom 3 months ago to suicide. My mind has been going a million miles an hour daily, I feel like I understand somewhat because she suffered from bipolar disorder, but then I really don’t. It’s wearing me out and I can’t stop thinking about what I should’ve done or shouldn’t have done or if it’s my fault. She was fine 3 days prior and then bam she’s gone…it just gets worse everyday.

    She still had so many years left and was a grandma to a 2 year old and 6 month old, she was the happiest person who kept everyone else smiling and loving life because of her great personality. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be happy again and accept that she’s gone. I feel like I’m somewhat depressed by this.

    • Elaine February 19, 2016, 4:24 am

      I don’t think your mom would want you to think it’s your fault. Suicide reasons are complicated and Bipolar disorder is very hard to understand. I know if I ever follow through it would only be my fault I chose it. And would not want others to feel guilty about it and she probably would have felt the same. Hope you find comfort in my posting.

  • Mclain February 5, 2016, 3:32 am

    My dad committed suicide at the age of 49 April 5th 2015. Growing up he had it all fame free bikes in a movie as a BMX pro life was simple. A few things happened and he’s working has me and my sister and 2 years later is getting divorced. Obviously very young I went with my dad and my sister went with my mom. I grew up with my dad and watched him abuse drugs almost become a pga golfer build amazing decks for homes. He wasn’t extremely abusive but I definitely had fists swung at me and countless arguments.

    I even woke up on the ground after one argument and he repeated to tell me a passed out which over years f*cked me up in the head. I dropped out of high school at the age of 17 after what felt like millions of panic attacks and ditching school because the feeling of not knowing what was wrong with my scared me so much that staying home inside all day is what my life became. I would try going out and being normal but still battling panic attacks on the regular soon took over again.

    I got offered to work with a friend and live with his family after being threatened to be kicked out which I should have been for doing nothing. I worked for about 2 weeks and asked to come home under one condition… Go to my grandparents and get my GED. I agreed and did it pretty easily. I got some confidence and my dad got me a job at a place he had been working at for some time. I was there for about 3 years and my dad had been seeing an old girlfriend and got her pregnant.

    She told him I don’t want anything to do with you I just want child support… Cool right? So he started paying out the a-s-s on child support then his truck got totaled and has to get a car payment with full coverage on top of a house payment and other bills. He shortly met up with another old girlfriend who was a raging alcoholic and so was he I forgot to mention. After a few months of drinking and doing nothing but my dad was eventually let go from his job of 8 years.

    I quite shortly after and got an outstanding job making good money while I watched my dad get worse. We would argue about money because I was paying all the bills and things were not good. I would avoid coming home and when I would I would fear finding him over dosed from alcohol and prescription drugs like Xanax. He promised me he would never take his own life and told me that is would be a very selfish act. I warned his parents my mom his brother anyone I thought would care and only got small responses.

    I built him his resume and everyday after work would try for hours to find him a job and get many interviews with little luck. He started having random seizures snd that is when things went from bad to worse. I wanted to get away and see if that would help and the day I was moving we got into because I think he was scared and instead of telling me we just yelled and screamed. I told him this isn’t how it should be and he agreed and I was off to a new state.

    I didn’t speak to him for 3 days so I texted him and said I made it safely and said I loved him. We would argue randomly over text because he wouldn’t answer my calls anymore. I actually told him I wish he would overdose and never wake up again. That shit haunts me to this day. Weeks go bye and it’s my birthday and he says he loves me and I told him how I wanted to move back and he said that would be fine. I really just needed to get away for a little and almost regroup to tackle this with him.

    4 days later and it’s Easter and in telling my moms family how when I google my dads name nothing really pops up about his BMX career or his movie he was in. Not an hour later I get a phone call from my grandma saying my dad had passed away. On Easter. Ruined my moms boyfriends families day by me losing it along with my mom. At this point I’m just in a weird funk like damn, I just talked to him about me moving back within a week and everything was going to be all good!

    I have very mixed emotions on suicide. After this it has brought back horrible anxiety issues for me I have been ran out of the house I grew up with him in and now I’m loosing/gaining hope. I read articles and relate and feel relieved that I’m not the only one but at the same time want to help. There are people that will help and people that won’t. It also solely relies on the person dealing with issues and that is it. I have been on an emotional roller coaster this last year and I am coming to realize that you control your emotional outcome and you can get better if you want.

    Stop saying I can then getting scared and running away. I do it everyday and I will make it a promise to you all of you starting now I will give it my best effort to push my limits of enxiety and fears of being alone to gain my pride and independence back. I have done it once before and will do it agin. To the people that actually read this thank you and I hope it helps you in some way. I’m scared to and feel alone, but I know if I believe in myself and want to get better and want to be happy I will need to work hard at it.

    I know even if I have a bad day or whatever that I am trying and things will get better. I love you and many others do to, you just need to find the ones worth keeping around and focus on making you happy. That is all that matters. What does it matter if little things scare you? Just work at it and find little ways to get past those fears. Email me at mclainf[@]gmail.com if you need anything. Today is February 7th 2016.

    • Gamer July 16, 2016, 10:52 pm

      You are a wonderful person and I will be hoping for the best for you… heck I think it is a given… you are very strong in a beautiful and sensitive way.

  • A February 1, 2016, 1:39 pm

    All my pain, reduced to a few numbers. On a plus note I have learned that I really ought avoid the following numbers in lotto: 1,4,5,8,9,11,12,15. I don’t do the lotto.

  • Tony January 31, 2016, 7:14 am

    I’m directly affected by items 7 – Unemployment and 14 – Financial Problems, to the extent where I FIRMLY believe that suicide is my ONLY solution… I’m 57 years old, divorced and owe over $300,000 to my bank. Most of the debt is for the loan on the house that I am living in and unless some miracle occurs, the bank will sell it on auction (probably for about 1/3 its market value), after which I’ll be instantly homeless. I expect this will occur within the next 8 weeks.

    I got divorced and lost my job in the same month – July last year and I have applied for over 100 jobs since – ALL applications promptly rejected, of course. I feel like I am a hopeless, useless and worthless bag of garbage. I guess that would be because in reality, that’s what I must be. Nobody wants me and nobody cares, but that’s not important, I can live with that – being alone isn’t bad really.

    What I cannot cope with is the fear of being homeless and totally penniless for the rest of my life I don’t like the idea of living in parks or in the wilderness, especially in cold, wet weather. I am almost constantly sobbing day-in day-out because I see no way out of this at all. Suicide I believe, is a savior from the infinite humiliation I am destined to suffer otherwise…

    Oh yeah and just to put the icing on the dreadful cake that represents my hopeless life: I also had to cash in ALL of my superannuation to settle my divorce, so now I have NOTHING. The only glimmer of hope I am clinging to now is that I might win Lotto. Seriously. I know that seems INSANE, but is it?

    What other hope do I have? I am old, useless and above all: UNEMPLOYABLE… I invest a very small amount on that each week and pray that my numbers will one day prove lucky. I NEVER used to gamble before all this happened and I even advised others how they were only ‘buying false hope’. Waiting for the Lotto numbers to be drawn is the ONLY reason I am still alive.

    It would be pretty unfortunate if I hung myself and the next day my numbers were drawn and I won $5,000,000.00! I see no other solution. I don’t want to listen to councillors, therapists or psychologists and their patronizing words (that make me feel even MORE worthless) any longer. I have grown tired of this world and its cruelty, so I am leaving it, very soon. Good luck to everyone who may be experiencing similar…

    • celine February 2, 2016, 3:03 pm

      I’ll be your friend. my problems seem so inferior to yours. I am also a lot younger than you. I wish I could do something to help all these people here. I am severely depressed, but my reasons are not as valid.

      • Tony February 3, 2016, 10:46 am

        Thank you Celine, that’s very charitable of you. I can see you must be a very kind and caring person, to offer to help someone who is as hopeless and worthless as me. However, in all honesty I think I will only make YOU feel worse. I am beyond help now. Suicide is really the only solution to end my unbearable pain. I am a waste of space.

        It really infuriates me to know that I am in PERFECT physical health (even compared to someone much younger), yet nobody wants me. I’m just useless old rubbish, so why bother living in that knowledge? I have tried recently to further educate myself, however I could not complete the course work, because the overwhelming stress and FEAR I’m constantly feeling, shortened my attention span to less than 5 minutes!

        Even if I had a clear head and was able to concentrate without the STRESS I’m bogged down with, it would take at least 1 year to gain a qualification, which MIGHT increase my chances of being employed again. In 8 weeks time they will take my home. There simply isn’t time. Thanks for your kindness Celine, but I am beyond help now…

        You’re young, so for God’s sake please think of your whole life, not just the next year or 2 ahead. That’s the BIG mistake I made: No contingency plans – nothing like money saved for emergencies, just totally irresponsible. Too busy giving whatever surplus money I had to other people I felt sorry for, but now all of a sudden, I’m 57 years old and have NOTHING left for me…

        Finally, if there’s one good thing I can say about myself (albeit something that ultimately resulted in my demise), it would be that I am a very selfLESS person. Until now, ALWAYS helping others wherever possible. I am now paying for those numerous acts of kindness with my LIFE.

        • Gamer July 16, 2016, 9:13 pm

          I fell in love (at 46) with a 59 year old man who was talking about not wanting to live himself. I could not imagine the world without such a lovely man in it. Really. He did not even know anyone cared about him or found him attractive. He was 99,000 in debt with no retirement savings. I am disabled. We worked together, learned to live simply, and the debt is paid. We still struggle at everything. But life is worth hanging on to for now.

          • Eli March 6, 2017, 2:21 pm

            That is beautiful.

    • Walt April 22, 2016, 8:24 pm

      Dude, I am 64 and just got a permanent job with a great company with good pay and good benefits. How did I get it? I have been a contract technical writer since 2002. In all that time, I haven’t done well, but I’ve survived. Now, at 64, one of those contract positions has become permanent. I guess I’m trying to say, don’t give up. You never know when the wheel of fortune will come around to your side.

      • Rosie May 28, 2017, 9:15 pm

        Walt, I am glad to hear that you were able to make something out of the career of technical writing. I am considerably younger than you at about 40 years old. I recently walked away from a (contracting) career as a technical writer. I reached the ceiling of about 90k/year and was miserable. I resigned months ago.

        I don’t know how I’m going to make it. But I sure hope that this gives you the security you need in your permanent position, and that the constant insecurity of such a career is not minimized enough where you can feel you are making a true contribution and being compensated for that fairly, in a way that benefits you. Wish you the best of luck — it’s tough out there. Hang in.

  • Theresa January 26, 2016, 2:49 am

    I feel worthless. My husband of 26+ years has not touched me since June. He said he is not interested. I am unemployed do to no fault of my own and he will not help me with any of my bills. I have eaten like a pig and gained 20 lbs. I cry daily. I feel as though my kids only need, me when they need a favor.

    I have a golden retrievers and she is neglected because I never want to leave the house. I have a felon background and can not find a job so my husband yells at me. He makes fun of me. He never buys me presents for holidays or birthdays. He won’t help out around house and talks to me like I am a fat ugly waste of his time.

    I have no friends because every time I have one he accuses me of being gay. I can never do the things I want, like choose a vacation site because he pays for the vacations. I am lost. Death sounds so much easier. Everyday I get closer. I am so lonely.

    • A February 1, 2016, 1:48 pm

      Try to learn to love yourself. Your flaws are perfectly designed. You are an amazing being – look in the mirror. Those eyes connect to the most powerful bio-computer in the known universe. The body is always changing – you gained weight – so you can lose weight – but only if you want – but don’t do it for anyone other than yourself.

    • Gamer July 16, 2016, 9:06 pm

      The road to recovery for many starts with the dumping of toxic relationships. Being a ghost can be a good thing. You are free from earthly (stupid, pusillanimous, small minded) bindings. I inwardly consider myself a phantom, and enjoy it much of the time now that I have learned not to put up with people’s BS. Try growing something beautiful.

      Plant a seed in a cup on the windowsill. Take baby steps. Dr. Bronner of castille soap fame spoke to a suicidal person on a radio show at one point. He told her to hang up and go clean her house. If you can’t deal with the house, try laundry. Or something. Write the darkness down (or paint it, or scribble it) for 15 minutes and burn the paper.

      Put on some music and move your body. If you are crying, go find something nice to eat. If you are fat, and depressed, eat what you want…depression will kill you quicker. One thing at a time. If you can’t do this for yourself, please do it for someone you love. Remember love does not have to be a two way street. Love anyway. Sit by water. Watch birds. Pick up some trash.

      Find a way to be a part of the world. I wish I could take everyone here and hold them in my arms. I tried two times. I fight chronic pain and lack of good sleep with the thoughts of not wanting to be here occupying space every day. It is a choking feeling of “I can’t do it, I am not good enough, I have no energy, I want to end my pain.”

      But I changed my life enough to hang in there, and found a wonderful man who makes me feel like I am not alone on the planet. I live in a beautiful place with very little and money is not everything. I took a huge leap and would be dead now if I had not. I try to make the world a better place by picking up litter and teaching people about nature and why it is valuable.

      I do feel our world is crumbling, and if every one of you out there decided to do something about it, your life would shine with purpose and meaning, and we might just survive as a species. Every day we live is a triumph.

  • JCT January 23, 2016, 4:04 pm

    Let me start by saying, what a great article! I could relate to almost every one of those, but #8 is by far the hardest and biggest hurdle to overcome. That loneliness and isolation makes me feel that I’m unworthy, not liked, and that somehow I’m flawed. I sit at home alone, and think, why doesn’t anyone like me? What did I do so wrong to end up like this?

    It’s a shame that there is still a major stigma around mental illness and that more people don’t understand the toll depression, anxiety, and other mental illness takes on you when you’ve been fighting the demon for so long!! “Depression is like living in a body that fights to survive, with a mind that tries to die.”

  • Ghonchu January 19, 2016, 1:03 am

    I think most of the people who do suicide are very selfish people and self centered. Their world is “I” and “I”. “I am not good, I do not have a job, I am not intelligent, I am not smart, Nobody cares for me, I do not have a friend, I do not have a friend, I am useless, not hope for me” and so on. This tendency of “I” should be removed from a child from beginning.

    • Neri January 20, 2016, 5:00 pm

      The problem that lies behind the “I” you criticize is that many people who feel suicidal feel too toxic to think in terms of “we”. In many cases it’s more complicated than “from today my attitude will be X and not Y”.

      And sometimes, thinking in terms of “we” can be even more dangerous, especially when they do no good. It always depends on the particular situation.

    • Elaine February 27, 2016, 2:40 am

      Obviously you do not understand what it feels like to be suicidal. Sorry for you with a lack of understanding.

    • CW April 24, 2016, 6:31 am

      Depression is a world that’s hard to leave. I can only say that depression has much, much more to it than the consistent pessimism you’ve took notice to. With my understanding of your view-point, I can only confidently say that depression/suicide is not selfish. There’s a wide difference between somebody whose attitude is their decision and somebody who cannot see any differently. I say this with all due respect to you.

    • Eli March 6, 2017, 2:16 pm

      It is ironic how you started your post with the word “I”. That aside, human beings and entitled to self-inspection when they are hurting or depressed. For example, if you have an external wound, do you let it fester, or do you think “what am *I* going to do about it?”

      Do you go to a doctor and say, “*I* have a wound, please help *me*?” or do you say, “please help someone else?” Similarly, if someone has an internal wound, they *should* focus on themselves. I don’t understand the basic premise of your post.

  • Lindsey January 18, 2016, 5:27 pm

    For me it is #1,2,8,14. But mostly #8, because it seems to be the biggest source of my issues. I love him, and that’s why it hurts so bad when he gets angry (often over the silliest things or things I’ve got no control over). If he’s had a bad day at work, we all have to walk on eggshells. Or if he thinks someone looked at him the wrong way, or if someone driving on the road pissed him off, etc., etc. I don’t know how else to make him understand that he needs to stop throwing temper tantrums at me every time something doesn’t go his way.

  • Mollyc January 6, 2016, 5:30 pm

    First of all Anon, try baking soda mixed with lemon when brushing your teeth. Don’t brush your tongue. Use a smooth plastic tool to scrape your tongue instead. Secondly, Trauma is probably the biggest factor in depression and this article doesn’t mention some very important indicators. 1. Early life trauma is something you have no cognitive memory of, but the memory exists in cellular memory. So yes, it’s recorded in every cell of your body.

    The brain doesn’t develop cognitive memory until that portion of the brain is formed at about age 3.5 – 4 years old. Trauma treatment has been non existent until recently. Check Peter Levine to learn about trauma and recovery. He’s associated with others who are gleaning help for trauma which is also from emotional abuse (not mentioned above). Also check NIACBM, (probably .org) but google that to get help. Additionally the newest science is epigenetics.

    Google epigenetics and grandmother, to read a discovery magazine article that’s an introduction to how severe trauma from an ancestor is passed, not genetically, but epigenetically to offspring. This is the fastest growing field of medicine and cancer has been successfully treated due to studies in epigenetics. It’s also impacts obesity, depression and eventually probably every field of medicine. When I search anything now, I search it with epigenetics in the subject. This will often reveal a government site with latest research.

    So try epigenetics and depression, for instance. Also the best Therapy for any depression likely is not behavioral therapy, but dialectical behavioral therapy. This was designed by Marsha Linehan in the mid 90’s and is based on mindfulness, a Buddhist tradition, this is the only therapy that benefits Borderline Personality Disorder, btw, (once thought untreatable completely). Borderline represents a catch 22 mentality.

    The patient with this disorder will not try to get help, it must be implemented for them by others. So please don’t think you’re stuck with nowhere to turn. These new therapies are moving along at a fast clip. Maybe at times not fast enough but they’re good tools nonetheless, pursue these in order to gain a better understanding of your condition than your medical profession has been aware of.

  • help December 26, 2015, 9:57 pm

    I want to end my life. I have 2 small children and a partner that is also my best friend. I have a work mate that is my best friend too and only these 2 people know how I feel about my life. I hate it. I have. No patience with my kids. I have no Social life I love my partner and we are getting married in the spring. But I don’t think I can be here that long.

    I fall in love with people really easily and get used by them a lot. I hate my self as I feel like all I do is cause others misery by being angry,and crying all the time. I depress the people that I am around. I always say and do the wrong things and push people away. And I get used by the people I put my trust in. I feel things really deeply all the time and make really bad decisions.

    I really feel my moods are effecting my kids and that I am damaging them emotionally on a daily basis by them watching me cry every day and not being able to function in a basic way. If it was not for my partner then I would not be able to wake up every day. I can’t function when he is not around. And it hurts me to know that I am hindering his existence.

    My heart aches every moment and I just want to not be here any more. I have tried to kill my self twice before without success. I am scared to die. I am scared of the pain I might feel as I am dying. But I feel a crippling emotional pain alive now every day and at the moment the physical pain seems to be looking like a easier option. I hate my self for feeling like this. I just hate my self full stop.

    There is a lot more to my story than what I have written but I hate talking bout it as it hurts to talk bout things. I just don’t know what to do. I have had counseling and CBT and attended depression coping courses and have taken medication for years. But I just want the hurting to end and so far it never has!

  • I am no one December 22, 2015, 2:16 pm

    I have 12 of the 15.

  • Sarah December 20, 2015, 5:02 am

    I feel completely depressed and alone. My life is a joke and I feel like a total failure. I feel so disconnected from the people around me. My boyfriend and me don’t even get along. (I wanted to get married and have kids but he’s in no rush). I think I’m just with him because I know I’ll be alone if I leave and I have no money to leave.

    It’s taken me 10 years to get my degree and I’m still doing it because I keep doing it wrong. And I find it hard to concentrate because I feel so alone. I feel like I’m a joke to people my age who are mostly all married with children and careers. My brother has schizophrenia and I’m always worried about him. My mum died and my father just does his own thing with his girlfriend.

    He speaks to me like I’m someone he met on holiday. My good friend moved away so I only see her once a year if I’m lucky and she never calls. I have to arrange any meeting… I was bullied in school so I left early and moved into a city on my own to reinvent my life. In 20 years all I’ve met is users and fake people. I’m so naive I actually think a friend is for life and I’ve learned the hard way it’s not like that (I’ve been told I’m not doing enough with my life (I have house and a car and I’m studying).

    But for someone in their 30s in the south of England that’s pathetic. Even my cousin who works in a call centre told me I need to get in a routine after I overslept on a Saturday morning (I try to show people love and respect. I buy loved ones gifts and I tell them how great they are). I don’t want anyone to feel how I feel. I’m no angel though, I do get mad sometimes. My long-term male friend dumped me a few years ago because he said I’m not as attractive as I used to be.

    Him and his mum were like family too me. Now they don’t want to know me and I know they never will. (I’ve tried, but they just hang up or make excuses). I wasn’t even invited to his birthday when all his old friends were)… after 20 years of friendship I know I’m so stupid to think we were ever friends. I have no idea how relationships work, I’m obviously crap at all of them. I’m not rich or skinny and I know people want really cool people as friends… I cant keep up with society and I don’t fit in.

    (I went on a date with a guy I met online. He was much older and not even attractive, but I thought he might like me. He told me I wasn’t attractive enough and that I’m basically a naive idiot doing an art degree at my age). I’m so afraid of people because it’s just a matter of time before they run me down because I don’t measure up. Even though I’m trying, I’m just not fast enough. Tired of trying, so I just shut myself away and shut down.

    • Leo May 4, 2016, 5:08 pm

      Your story is very similar to mine except that I have a few more problems. I am completely alone the last 5-7 years because all of my friends and GF dumped me when I had an accident and the doctors told me that I would not be able to walk again… They where wrong because I managed to walk again and even run but I lost my shape and job because I was running one of the biggest Martial Arts schools here.

      Well not anymore. I am unemployed now and not rich like I used to be. I got addicted to prescribed drugs for chronic pain plus nightmares, insomnia, etc. and because I was not able to handle the loss of my beloved ones. I used to help them all the time and doing the best for them (As you said neither I am an angel) but suddenly became a stranger when I was useless.

      My GF and others abandoned me because I lost my money, my six pack and my whole life. She told me never to call her again and the last thing I want is to disturb someone. I have a lot of stuff like this to say but there is no point to discuss them deeper and a part of them is exactly what you wrote about (a lot of common). Anyway I am in the same condition and at my age most of the people I know are married with family and children.

      I am sure that I was born in the wrong planet or place. What I know is that somewhere someone exists who only cares about your inner beauty and doesn’t want you to be skinny, and he will love you exactly just how you are for what you are. So please don’t get disappointed… There is always hope and all those nasty things may happened for a reason.

      I wish I could help somehow, but I want you to know that if what you are writing is real, you seem to be a rare, strong and very nice person. Just take the advantage. P.S.: 1st, Tell that idiot if you meet him again that art has no age or identity and you can study even you are 80 years old. 2nd, If someone threats you that way he does not deserve what you feel about him and it is a shame (not easy) to get disappointed for him and you now probably know that people don’t appreciate what you are doing for them and in our society a sensitive person is often a goner for them.

      3rd, I just want you to know that I hit 14 of 15 at this list for a long time and I am still alive (at least all these years). The truth is that I want to put an end on all these painful facts, but I prefer to leave my country somehow and begin a new, and maybe better life far from these bloodsuckers here. (Sorry for my English I know that it is poor)…

    • Dana Gilley March 5, 2017, 8:37 pm

      It’s not you it is them! Don’t be so hard on yourself!

  • Deborah December 17, 2015, 11:18 am

    I have considered suicide on several occasions. However, recently, someone I knew from work committed suicide, and I was so shocked I realized that ending one’s life is never the answer, no matter how bleak things may seem. I have made myself a list of ways to conquer: 1, 2, 4, 5, 8 and 13 on this list. Thank you for this article.

  • robert dunmyer December 15, 2015, 10:03 am

    The mental health system does not make people better just as the prison system doesn’t. The mental health industry is about documenting peoples illnesses not curing it. Sometime in mental health clinics like the VA it almost seems they have a quota to fill for a certain diagnosis and give that diagnosis to people whether they have the illness or not.

    • Angie December 6, 2016, 7:30 am

      I agree entirely. The mental health system is severely flawed, comprised of so called experts who are often messed up themselves, exploiting the most vulnerable in society.

  • A December 13, 2015, 10:06 am

    I am feeling completely alone, and I just wish I could talk to some people like you who have all left your comments here, because I feel like I’m the only one in my society going through this at the moment! I am constantly being disappointed, abused, not having happy things happen, having few friends, family abusing me… have never had a guy ask me to marry him…

    My life is incredibly difficult compared to other people who have it so easy. Am I the only one going through this? I feel like screaming sometimes, it’s so frustrating seeing other people having happy lives, full of love, marriage, kids and they never have to be lonely one day in their life! But me, I’m suffering… I feel so ugly sometimes, so abused. I wish someone would love me and treat me well.

    • Deborah December 17, 2015, 11:23 am

      I feel the same way. Business and finances have been difficult this year. I feel deeply ashamed of myself for overspending, laziness and procrastination. I berate myself for not meeting goals, and spend too much time on the Internet. My family have disappointed me in many ways and people have thought they can insult me. I want to change in the coming year.

  • lee December 12, 2015, 7:29 pm

    I totally understand and know what you feeling and going through, I’m going through the same thing. 25 year old female super gorgeous even if I have to say so myself, but still no man in my case, no friends also… like I have no one. Am an only-child if it wasn’t for my mom I’m sure I’d be long gone by now.

    • J January 26, 2016, 3:32 am

      I’ll be your friend.

  • Rod December 7, 2015, 3:34 am

    My wife of nine years has decided to leave me. I see myself and several of these on the list. I’ve always elevated her beyond loving myself, and she tells me I love her more than God. The pain is immeasurable. This is another divorce and I feel as though I can never or am not capable of being loved or loving someone properly. Life is just too cruel! My wife won’t even speak to me. My heart hurts too much.

  • Mack November 28, 2015, 11:40 am

    7, 9 and 11. Worst is 9. Wanting to end it all. Don’t know why nothing goes right.

  • Scott November 25, 2015, 9:32 pm

    After reading the comments on here…I am staying and going to work it out…

    • Gamer July 16, 2016, 8:47 pm

      Thanks Scott, I needed to read this.

    • Tammy August 10, 2016, 3:23 pm

      I smile when I read you are going to work it out. That is wonderful.

  • Done November 22, 2015, 11:40 pm

    Nobody cares about me. I am unemployed and broke. I have a 13 year old son and we live in a sh*tty rental townhome I can’t afford. I can’t buy him anything for Christmas this year and have to find a way to tell him. I have a boyfriend but in 3.5 years I still haven’t met his family or kids. He ignores my son and hates my family. He pays all the bills for his ex so there is no future for us. I have no purpose in life.

    I used to workout but can’t afford the gym let alone to drive there. My car was repo’d. Got it back but it will get repo’d again and I won’t be able to get it back. I am currently driving it without insurance. My college degree is worthless and at 34 nobody will hire me. They all want young. I hate my life so much. I am only here because of my son. His dad is a deadbeat. But I think my mom could take him if I go.

    • Jack March 5, 2017, 8:09 pm

      You have someone to talk with now, so let’s talk. I may not know everything but I do know something. That is that you are truly a wonderful person going through a bad time. In my opinion, keep talking, eventually an answer will come. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you have to keep trying to get the good results you want. And it’s ok to feel sad, but deal with it tomorrow. Don’t give up today and give tomorrow a chance. So talk it out.

    • Jack March 7, 2017, 3:13 pm

      Talking about your problems will help, so talk. Sometimes when you talk you may stumble on a solution, not guaranteed, but why not. Talking helps me cope with my loss. If I can help, I will. Let’s talk this out.

  • Rick November 21, 2015, 11:37 pm

    6, 12, 13 are the only ones I don’t have. I’m 25 male. I want a doctor to assist me in suicide.

  • done November 21, 2015, 4:58 pm

    My whole life I’ve been abused by family members, raped by a significant other as well as abused, bullied by classmates, had trouble keeping a job, using drugs, PTSD, depression and anxiety. I’ve tried to get help, but nothing works. I don’t know what to do anymore… I talk to friends and family and nothing works. I feel totally lost. I’m living in a dream world where I pretend to be normal and OK but I feel so dark and empty inside. I’ve felt this way since I was a child. Now I am an adult in my late twenties and I don’t understand how I can unwire 20 years of thinking this way.

    • Jack March 4, 2017, 10:24 pm

      Is this Michelle? If it’s someone else, please let me help as it will help me. I am in pain from the loss of my daughter. Think before you act, tomorrow is another day. Chill out and wait another today, PLEASE!

  • Ashley November 19, 2015, 12:12 pm

    I’m several on the list. I have been for a long time. Got married this year but I don’t feel happy at all. Couldn’t afford children even if we wanted them. Student loan debt, my husband was made disabled by a surgeon earlier in the year, ending his career no sooner than it began. We received no compensation, now he’s delivering pizzas and we live cramped into his room with the in-laws.

    I’m unemployed and totally depressed. I have no marketable skills. I worked as an escort off and on and just made some totally sh*tty decisions in life. I regret everyday. I live with constant regret. I self injure, I’m prone to fits of rage, panic, delusion. My husband tells me I have multiple personalities. I fantasize about suicide often. I don’t see myself living another year. I have to take pills in order to sleep.

    I stay up all night and sleep all day. What’s the point? I have no friends, yet I have no desire to make friends either. Nothing interests me. Life? I’ll pass. Turning on the news or reading about the world just makes me even more depressed. I have a religion, but it’s prone to just non-stop infighting and drama. Everywhere you look there is pain and hatred and people spewing vile thoughts and deeds. Who would want to live on this perverted planet?

    There is no hope for our species. I truly believe that we will be our own doom. I just don’t care. I have no way to take control of my life. I feel totally powerless. I was denied SSI disability today, but I’m going to try and appeal it. They told me “I was cured”. Yeah right. Then why am I sitting here, alone at 6 AM after being up all night, thinking of shooting myself in the f*cking head? I’m just so angry, so alienated, and so over it.

    Don’t even get me started on my marriage. What a total failure that has been so far. I regret getting married. I hate this world.

    • Kay December 2, 2015, 1:10 pm

      I tried to end my life 7 years ago after a decade of depression and several traumatic experiences and feeling hopeless that I was going to be better one day and thinking that I was dealt a worse hand at life than everyone else around me. All I have to say is that I am glad to have had a second chance, I am doing so much better now. I have never gone back to doctors or taken any drugs after my suicide attempt, I just read books and spent my time thinking.

      I learned how to love myself and how to do nice things to people, I learned how to think happy thoughts, I learned a lot about myself and the world… If you’re suicidal all you have to do is to change your vision of life. Please understand that there are very few people in this world who have perfect happy lives, this is the illusion created in you by mass media and advertising campaigns and other people who crave attention and recognition and government who finds it easier to manipulate population overwhelmed with fear and sense of their own worthlessness.

      People are generally unhappy and suffering unless they learn how to ignore the societal pressure to be perfect and accept their broken lives instead. It is OK to be homeless, lonely, ill, scared, angry, resentful, it is OK not having everything you want, you are still an awesome human being.

      • Angie December 6, 2016, 7:20 am

        I love how you summed up the unrealistic life expectations to which the unenlightened of us aspire. So true! You are awesome, really:)

  • brook November 9, 2015, 4:19 am

    I’m 1,2,3,6,8,9 and I don’t know how more I can take.

  • Calin November 9, 2015, 3:19 am

    Currently unemployed and I’m still single at the age of 27, the latter depresses me more and more each day. I’ve never had the joy of experiencing the love of a woman and because of that I feel as though something is wrong with me. I see couples all around me and here I am with no one. It drives me mad…it drives me damn near insane.

    I’ve already calculated it in my head and I’m pretty sure I’m past my expiration date anyway. I should’ve had a relationship years ago and yet I’ve had nothing of the sort. Many people have it worse than me no doubt about it, but this is my problem and either things will change for the better, or I’ll finally take that express checkout option that’s been crossing my mind each day.

    • Stacy November 11, 2015, 3:56 am

      I just want you to know my parents didn’t meet until they were 30 and 33, and didn’t marry until over a year later. 27 isn’t that old, just pray about it. That special someone is out there, it’s just a matter of time until you find them. Good Luck!!!

    • south africa September 24, 2016, 6:31 pm

      You don’t have to force issues. Be rational. Think about all the possible reasons why you haven’t been able to have a relationship by now, let alone getting married.

      Life is a mirror: you will always see a reflection of yourself shot back to you. Be cheerful, be positive, be hopeful and before you know it you will attract people with similar traits. Going through life with unapproachable face will scare people away, leading to loneliness and depression. You make relationships work; they never work by sheer will or wish or by themselves but by effort.

  • John November 3, 2015, 1:22 am

    I read this page and I have. Numbers 1, 2, 3, 8, 9, 11, 13, 14, and 15 and 15 is I have insomnia and can’t sleep with out my sleeping pills I was hit bus school bus when I was 12 years old almost died since then I hurt physically every single day of my life that happened in 1986. I am 42 now I been depressed as long as I can remember since the accident I have arthritis in 75% of my body, bursitis, suffer from migraines for over 20 years, have bad anxiety attacks and pains attacks.

    I don’t go out any where when I did I was with my ex wife and my kids and now I don’t have them because of separation. I cannot function anymore I don’t know how to I have lost my security blanket in my ex wife because I am so stupid. I think about death every single day of my life I have all my life how I would kill myself how many different ways to do it. I do not feel worthy of live for being a burden on any one anymore.

    People who don’t suffer from depression or anxiety problems or don’t have PTSD do not understand and they don’t know how to cope with us who do. I will eventually end my life I just don’t know when or which way I will do it. I have came so close in the past to the point of having a gun in my mouth. Everyone would be better off without me in this world and if I was never born.

    • Sherry September 5, 2016, 3:45 pm

      How does one help a loved one or friend that has lost all hope of feeling like life is worth living?

  • Alexandrebelamy October 26, 2015, 2:22 am

    I feel like everyone dislikes me or thinks I’m worth no value, so I just feel like if I commit suicide what would people think of me and I’ve picked on and bullied and kids always thought of me as annoying, creepy, stalker and act like they know my story without asking. They just assume and listen to other people’s words and every time I try to explain myself, they don’t believe me also I get blocked on all social media accounts by a lot of people for being annoying and saying something that offends someone but not “intentionally” so I feel like if I commit suicide it will be all over and I will be in heaven where there is peace and relaxation.

    People act like they know what I’ve been thought to see what I do the things that are creepy, I’m under pressure OK! So don’t judge me cause we’re all equal, but they won’t listen so oh well maybe I should commit suicide right now to get away from the bull-crap. I try to keep my head held high but The things that people say and do to me just traumatize me, so I feel like it’s not worth living. I don’t want to end my life, I just want to end my pain. ???

  • Anthony October 14, 2015, 1:34 am

    My wife of 11 years wants it over, 3 small children that mean the world to me, she wants no counseling, just wants it over! I’m lost, hurt and emotionally drained. To see my children suffer during this, knowing they will be in a small apartment and I’ll only be able to see them on weekends kills me! I just want to end the pain so I don’t see them in pain, somebody help me, Thursday is are 1st visit to lawyer, don’t think I’ll make it through.

    • Ben November 18, 2017, 10:22 am

      The pain you think your kids would feel living in a small apartment will be nothing compared to the pain of losing their father. You think about that.

  • Nadezhda Krupskaya October 4, 2015, 3:05 am

    1,4,5,8,10,11,13. After the death of my partner last year, only one friend bothered to help me during the worst crisis in my life. People that I had known for as long as 25 or 30 years suddenly vanished. They never phoned or came to visit. They did absolutely nothing to help me cope. More than a year and half later I am still alone, lonely and isolated. I have trouble sleeping, I don’t eat properly, I have lost weight and I have very little energy.

    I have lost interest in just about everything. Each day, I drift aimlessly not knowing what to do or where to go. Eight years ago, I was diagnosed with a fairly advanced cancer. Although the doctors tell me that there is no sign of my cancer coming back, the cancer treatments have left me with lingering side effects that often interfere with the normal enjoyment of life. I have chronic pain and now even the pain medication is failing.

    Although I am self-employed, I have lost interest in my business and no longer feel motivated to continue in my line of work. I have trouble focusing on my work or anything else. Anything that I try to do to pass the time – reading, movies, music or any other activity – soon bores me. I hate the way that I feel and can’t seem to find a solution. Having just turned 65, I feel that time is running out quickly anyway.

    • Yvette June 12, 2016, 4:10 pm

      I wish I had an answer for you. I don’t even know what to say. Do you have any close friends? Have you seen a professional to help you maybe deal with your loneliness and hopelessness?

    • Gamer July 16, 2016, 8:42 pm

      Try something fun…this sounds insane, but try an MMO game like Guildwars 2 and just explore at your own rate. I needed a way to escape to a world and explore (can’t afford to travel, don’t have the health for it). Start with the fun, eat crazy stuff you have not had in years, force yourself to dance or be outside someplace beautiful.

  • Scott September 26, 2015, 11:33 pm

    9 of these apply to me. Trying to hold on.

  • Janet September 20, 2015, 9:33 pm

    I want to let you know that the crisis line DOES help. I attempted suicide by overdosing. As I was laying there waiting to die I thought about my mom and what this would do to her. I called the suicide line, just to tell them what I had done. The lady on the other end of the line ended up saving my life. I wish I would have had the opportunity to thank her.

  • amarinder September 17, 2015, 10:26 am

    I am experiencing numbers 1, 4, and 8 on the list.

  • Nancy August 27, 2015, 2:25 am

    This is the best article that I have ever seen written on this subject. These are precisely the reasons that people commit suicide. Thank you for being so honest and concise.

  • debi August 25, 2015, 4:51 pm

    I feel so tired always fighting to pay bills. I am disabled on SSDI. I went back to college at age 57. Two years later I am sick of college. It’s not hard for me but I have so many deadlines on subjects that mean nothing to me. I will be 61 when I graduate. Who is going to hire me? I don’t want to work for $12 an hour. Why? I am in constant pain and there are days when I can’t even get dressed. Our society thinks people on disability are just lazy and scamming the system. There is never enough money and I am always fearful of being homeless. I can’t stand to see what has become of our country. I hate getting up in the morning. Nothing makes me smile anymore, not even my family.

    • Angie December 6, 2016, 6:46 am

      I can relate to college. I am 53 and did not finish, as I was abused by the staff and faculty. Exploited, harassed. It was horrible. I am in the same boat. You can always contact me.

  • Tonya August 10, 2015, 3:04 am

    I have been depressed for a very long time (since my teens). I have some trauma-related issues which still haunt me as an adult (I was sexually abused as a child, my mother was hospitalized for schizophrenia and my father was a very mean, abusive alcoholic during my upbringing). I’m not close to my family (because they’re not kind people) and I have almost no support system. My family wouldn’t even attend my graduation after I finished grad school. At times, I feel like my life accomplishments mean nothing to other people. Sometimes, I feel like I am nothing to anyone.

    I was bullied throughout grade school, middle school and high school. I was an abused child and I was very socially withdrawn and depressed. Other children picked up on that “weakness” and I was an easy target for their amusement. Neighborhood kids used to run me over with their bikes and throw rocks and eggs at me while I walked home from school. I have rarely had any true friends in my life, and I have no friends now at 31 years of age.

    I have been diagnosed with BPD, which makes it difficult for me to have any relationships with people. I have strong emotional triggers and I can become very reactive and unstable. I also have PTSD and night terrors. I wake up screaming sometimes and I have flashbacks of being abused.

    I also have several anxiety disorders, including social anxiety, GAD and severe OCD…these illnesses drive me crazy. The OCD has me constanly checking things (like checking to see if the door is unlocked or if the stove is off twenty times before I can leave the house). I am still able to function enough to go to work or the grocery store, but that’s about it. I’m not able to do anything social because I quickly feel overwhelmed and anxious.

    I feel very isolated and alone most of time. Everyday, I think about how much I hate my life. I feel like day-to-day living is filled with pain and fear. I don’t have a family of my own, friends, a job that I like, or purpose. I don’t feel that I’m able to have those things because I’m so messed up. I just have my broken, shattered spirit and I don’t know why I’m holding on.

    • Lucas September 1, 2015, 5:04 pm

      Wow you’re so strong! I think that is not what makes a person great the qualities that he/she is born with but the attitude and strength to overcome life’s obstacles. Even if this life sucks Jesus promises a better one to those that accept him as a personal savior.

    • Molly January 19, 2016, 1:33 am

      I read your story and can relate. I am 46 live alone and my family have used and abused me over the years. I am only good to them when they want something which is usually money. I give and give and never get it back. I have since blocked them on my phone and ignoring their mail.

      I too was bullied at work because I don’t have children or a partner. All I see is couples, relationships and kids everywhere. For some reason this has been tattooed on my brain that you are only worthy if you have a partner and kids. I cant find enjoyment in much these days especially things that I used to love. My friends don’t really understand me so I don’t bother telling them oh and I don’t have many friends.

      I feel the only thing keeping me going is my dog how pathetic am I. I can relate to many peoples’ comments and wish I could meet with you to talk through these things and maybe have some real friends people that understand.

      • JCT January 23, 2016, 3:56 pm

        I can take bits and pieces from everyones stories and find them somewhere in my life. It takes such a toll on you! Being alone, neglected, feeling like you have no one, suffering with the PTSD, severe and debilitating anxiety, and feeling like every single day you wake up, fear and pain are the first things that come to mind. You all are so strong and brave for sharing your stories!

      • Jen September 2, 2016, 3:34 am

        If you need someone to talk to you can always reach out to me.

      • Mary October 24, 2016, 1:57 am

        Wow! I can relate to a lot of what you said except I have a good support system in my Mom & sister. I also live alone with my dog. I currently work part-time & am on SSDI. I am going through a recent divorce in which he left me emotionally & financially devastated! I felt somewhat normal when we were together.

        It will be a long time, if ever, before my heart heals again. If you lived close, we could find some other single, middle-aged gals and live like the “Golden Girls”!

    • Angie December 6, 2016, 6:40 am

      Wow, I am so sorry for your pain, as I can relate to nearly all of those situations or issues, and know how you feel. I wish I had answers, as I would gladly share. But I believe strongly in God, although my faith does falter at times. I think He understands this. I pray for us all. God bless you, and I hope you find peace in life.

  • John Doe August 8, 2015, 12:35 am

    I’m in so much pain, hurt and shock that my ex girl friend killed my wife and in turn kill herself (committed suicide). It’s still unbelievable to know this has happen. How can a person be that sick (mental illness) murder an innocent person. How can you put this kind of Mental Illness into words? Can anybody out there can explain this?

    • Alex September 14, 2016, 12:27 am

      Women aren’t being taught that violence is wrong. It’s why 70% of violence in domestic relationships is initiated by the woman, why there is the most violence in lesbian couples and the least is in gay male couples. Women are waaay less likely to the charged, never mind convicted. And when convicted they will receive, on average, less than half the sentence for the same crime and same level of priors as a man. Women can literally get away with murder. It all starts with teaching all children that violence is not ok.

      • Angie December 6, 2016, 5:38 am

        This is absolutely false. While violence among women is increasing, domestic violence and violence in general are overwhelmingly male crimes. On a pie chart, women would not even garner a slice.

        • anonymous December 18, 2016, 7:34 pm

          The problem with your statement is that it doesn’t dispute the point that Alex is making. Namely, that women are considerably less likely to be charged for it. I personally know zero men that have been charged with any form of domestic violence, and have three friends that have been attacked by their girlfriends. One of them attacked him with a knife.

          None of those three women were charged with any crime. The knife instance actually had the police laugh at my friend when he reported it. The other 2 were out in public and everyones attitude was more or less “just let it be”. I am not claiming to know the statistics on domestic violence and I am sure that men probably do commit more violent acts than women, but you claiming that the crimes are “overwhelmingly male” and that “women would not even garner a slice” of the pie chart is predicated upon actual charges being filed.

          When nothing is reported, maybe because the men feel like they would be less of a man or that no one would believe them, or that the woman would go to court with a sob story and the men themselves might get charged with something falsely, then your pie chart starts to look like a pretty poor representation of reality.

  • Worthless_NEET August 5, 2015, 4:09 pm

    7 and 8 reasons here. After the student practice the chief of the lab told me I’m not suit for that job and he won’t hire me no matter what I do. So, let’s say it – the college and postgraduate studies in medical analytics were COMPLETELY POINTLESS WASTE OF TIME (not to mention my parents’ money). I have no idea what I should do, what other job I should try, and so on.

    I have 8 months before my 30th birthday, if I won’t have a steady job by then, I really seriously consider killing myself at the time. Unless you have some other solution, because I can see only this one now. I don’t know if I can handle living on the street…

    • CW April 24, 2016, 6:08 am

      I know this message is coming much later than you have probably hoped, and I may be too late, but there are so many different ways to use what you’ve spent your life learning to get your life moving. Solutions and success usually come in such unique ways, I couldn’t possibly imagine the ways they’ll come to others in the future. Especially through the internet, people have found success in luck and sheer creativity.

      What are some significant talents you have? Do you have a passion for this medical analytic study? Just think about what you want to do in your life outside of the fact that you’re desperate for a job, and maybe some ideas will come up. Again, just know that solutions can come in such absurd, or totally normal, ways, whether it’s indirect or direct.

      I can’t be positive that I’ve helped you with your current position in life, but that’s the word I’ve given. Thanks for reading!

    • Alex September 14, 2016, 12:24 am

      Medical analytics sounds pretty cool. There has to be a way to leverage those letters after your name. Imagine if you hadn’t finished and had racked up debt in your own name. That’s the scenario I’m in and it’s rather frustrating.

    • south africa September 24, 2016, 6:37 pm

      I say you’re one of 7 billion sperms who made it through! Go on and enjoy life and screw everything else.

  • AD August 3, 2015, 4:37 pm

    I have been battling financial woes for 6 months now and on a number of occasions, the thought of suicide has come to my mind. I have a wonderful family – a wife and step-daughters from her previous marriage. They are absolutely amazing. I couldn’t be happier. But the jump from single to a family of 5 took its toll.

    I made wrong decision of selling my house and moving to be closer to my parents for 2 years so they get to know my new wife and kids as they were concerned about my wife’s background i.e. kids, etc. I moved back to London and am currently renting. I can’t make ends meet and the job is also stressful. I hate it. There seems to be no way out of this situation and every day is a struggle. Please pray for me.

    • south africa September 24, 2016, 6:14 pm

      I live in South Africa. About a year ago I quit my job to start a business. Plans and reality aren’t the same: things are really very bad for me. The so-called friends and family are only by your side when you’re doing well. As soon as financial struggle begin to emerge, they are the first ones to gossip about your misfortune to everyone else. Those that you confide in sell you out; you lose respect; you lose hope.

      I can closely identify with what you’re going through. Amid this chaos I sat down and asked myself: what are basic necessities of being alive? Food, shelter, air etc. What I concluded is I’ll always go back to the drawing board and start all over. Life is that we do to entertain ourselves while awaiting the inevitable.

      Let’s poke fun at life, at all the airheads who think we will sink to the bottom… I say LETS LIVE BY HOOK OR CROOK. I’m on the verge of losing many things. So what? I’ve come to a point where I no longer care because I’m on my own in this world. Our passage to this world is always such that you make it through alone, even you’re twins.

      I’ve always suffered from depression and have resisted suicide a number of times. Let’s live man. Money, other people and things only “met” us here, we came with nothing but life. It’s the only thing that we own; it’s only constant in this equation. Everyone will choose when to come into life and when to live; you will always acquire and lose money or any other material.

      • Dani December 14, 2016, 12:50 am

        Your words have helped me a bit. I’ve lost everything and tried to kill myself 6 months ago. I decided then, even in the depths of my coming to terms with the fact that I had failed in my suicide attempt, that if I’m going to keep living, it will be on my terms. I don’t care about the material things.

        I read somewhere, “You don’t really know yourself until you lose everything and start living anew.” If I’m going to keep living, and I still use the word “if”, I will join you in poking fun at life and live by hook or crook. My life is the only thing I truly own, and I will love it on my terms, or not at all.

  • CVR July 18, 2015, 7:08 pm

    I was not even aware that philosophical reasons were recognized as a reason for being stuck in a major depressive episode until this article. I have always felt this way…like there is just no point. Why go through all these ridiculous ups and downs we call life if we know what will inevitably happen. Everyday I feel like there is no reason to get up and live my meaningless life.

    Although lately it has gotten worse and I am now feeling suicidal. I have successfully hidden my feelings from friends and family and have been a “functional” alcoholic for years to try and self medicate. I am also on antidepressants now… a route I never wanted to take but felt I had to in order to keep myself from completely losing it. I hold a steady job that I love, have supportive family and friends that love me and am in a relationship that is heading towards marriage. What is wrong with me?

    • Me November 3, 2015, 7:49 am

      Alcohol and antidepressants are a bad cocktail, choose either or….or better yet, neither.

    • Lily March 1, 2017, 5:44 am

      Nothing is wrong with you, I promise you that. You were put here for a reason, and I’m not in any way a religion person, but I do know you were put on this earth to make a difference. You may feel as though you can’t live up to that standard, but I promise you, I PROMISE, you can, and you have. Because you’ve made it this far, haven’t you? And you’re spending your time contemplating life, when you should be focusing on every achievement and battle you have ever survived, because YOU FREAKING ROCK!!

      Life can kick you in the ass sometimes, but there’s only one way to go: to get up, and keep moving forward. Harsh reality: there’s nothing you can do to change the past. Better reality: there’s everything in the world that is amazing that you can do to improve your future. There are people out there who love you, and are alive BECAUSE of you. And I know this because of the people keeping ME alive, who don’t know that they are. So here’s what I want you to do. (Yes, I mean NOW, get up, grab a piece of paper and your favorite photograph of yourself, what makes you happy, what you live for, anything along those lines – anything you wake up in the morning for).

      Write down everything you have in your life that keeps you going, that keeps you from popping that pill, from pulling that trigger, that makes you BREAK DOWN in tears because you can’t bear the thought of losing that thing/person or leaving it behind. And when you make that list, give it a kiss, shed some tears on it (cause let’s be honest, this process will make you ball your eyes out, because you’re creating a list of why you’re alive rather than popping painkillers in front of a bathroom sink, it’ll be emotional!) and hang it on your mirror, or anywhere you go/look at first thing in the morning, as a reminder of WHY YOU’RE AMAZING/AWESOME/BEAUTIFUL/BEYONCÉ, because it will be hard, and sometimes you may feel lost, and unable to find your light.

      But think about it: what has gotten you through so far? Clearly something! Cherish that something, and use it as your motivation to keep moving forward and LOVING YOURSELF, because, honestly: you’re the only person you truly have in this world. You don’t wanna disappoint yourself, because that’s a high standard! And if you give up, guess what: you just broke the only rule for yourself: you disappointed yourself. I love you, the world loves you, and I promise, if you do these things, YOU will love you, too. I promise.

      Tell yourself this: “I am beautiful, I am strong, I have made it this far, do I REALLY want it to be all over now? What’s that saying they say, ‘Dark Skies Bring Beautiful Rainbows’ or something like that? Yeah, that’s what will keep me going. I’m that rainbow. And I love that rainbow. Because that rainbow is my goal, and I can achieve it if I just hold on through this rain, because I promise it’ll be brief, even if it doesn’t seem like the thunder is slowing down. It is, I just gotta trust the WeatherMan (God). I love me. I love me. I love me. With all my heart. I LOVE ME!”

      You can do this, I promise you. I have a Spotify playlist, it’s called “For When You’re Confused At Life” (by Lily Savage). I created it specifically for when I was feeling depressed and as though this was all I needed to see in life, and as if nothing was worth continuing anymore. But I PROMISE you, it gets better. Please hold on. I love you. You can do this. I’m with you. You’re almost over this bump, and then it’s smoother after that. You got this, I promise. 💜

  • Mary July 13, 2015, 3:54 pm

    Recently, a family member of mine committed suicide. Afterwards, we were all shocked, we didn’t understand. This person had friends (more than I have), family who adored him (once again more than I have), he was active in the church and was surrounded with people who supported him. He never once suggested to any of us that he wanted to die. I still do not understand. He was happy on the outside.

    Here is what I do understand. If you are considering suicide, please know that it will destroy your family after you are gone (even if you think it won’t). Please know that it will destroy the people who love you (I promise you that there are people who do). I know there is a mental illness aspect to all of this and sometimes it is hard to see the truth. Especially if you are feeling sadness that you can’t reasonably explain, please seek help. Please let someone close to you know.

    We want to know and we want to help. We don’t want to be here on this earth without you. Don’t leave us here alone. We need you and just as importantly, you need us and we will do whatever we can to help you if you will only let us know. We won’t be ashamed of you or disregard you. We won’t think less of you. We love you. We will find help for you. We can find some way to make this better for you if only you allow it. We can’t fix death.

    Not for you and not for ourselves. Death is not the answer. Life, love, the pursuit of happiness, the discovery of purpose– these are reasons to live and well worth the fight. We all fight this fight together. You are not alone. Don’t quit the battlefield of our lives, let us help you find a more level field to fight on.

    • Leanne July 20, 2015, 5:51 pm

      Dear Mary, I’m so sad to read of your loss, but so grateful for you sharing this message. I pray that you all recover from this tragic loss and that your hearts are soothed in time. Love and Blessings, Leanne

    • love August 22, 2015, 2:53 am

      I am sorry that you feel this way. I think that it is vital that you know that some people are suicidal and know that people love them and are there for them but the pain is greater than their love for others. When you are in that much pain (and I know, because I am there) you are only staying alive for others and it is a horrible existence. Some people can’t take being a ghost.

      • Rachel February 25, 2016, 1:09 pm

        That’s it!!! I couldn’t understand my feelings. You made it clear. I feel like a sub human… A ghost even.

      • Jdiddyy May 12, 2016, 9:38 pm


    • Marie September 7, 2015, 4:45 am

      This is so true, we were best friends of someone who committed suicide, the pain the bereaved feel is tremendous, apart from the obvious of you missing them also the pain that you couldn’t help them and even didn’t know the extent of the illness. As friends I don’t think your grief is appreciated but it is intense and personally I feel that my life has changed and I will never feel the same again. Why did this have to happen?

      Anyone contemplating this action should seek help as the pain you wish to escape from is passed on to your family and friends. My fourteen year old daughter cannot sleep alone as a result of this action. There are many different emotions ranging from deep sorrow, anger, rejection and abandonment. Just terrible don’t do it to your loved ones…

    • Bev November 28, 2015, 9:55 pm

      I think your suggestions are all fluffy and nice but the reality with all of that is that there won’t always be people there to help you find a more level field to fight on. I’ve talked to family and my husband and they either say there is no reason to take a life and to look at all that I have. Well maybe in complete honesty THEY should take a look at my life and ask how they would feel walking in my shoes.

      And after that if they really care, call me, text me, come and get me out of my house for a walk when I can’t do that myself. They’ve had plenty of opportunity to help and they have not lifted a finger. They alone are the reason that I have not done it but when that day comes, and it will, then perhaps they will see what they could have done to help me. I’ve given then freely the chance to prove me wrong and longed for that help. Nope, not happening.

      • JCT January 23, 2016, 3:52 pm

        Bev, I couldn’t agree with your response more!!!! That is the EXACT truth in my current situation. Everyone is so quick to give positive and negative advice, and what “they think” would be best for me, but none of them go out of their way to lend any help, come visit me, ask me if I’m hanging in there… NOTHING! Maybe one day (if I end up losing the fight) they’ll look back and realize that it wasn’t for “attention” or “laziness” but that in fact, I was sick and gave it my best shot.

    • Jack March 23, 2017, 5:30 pm

      Thank you. That is a remarkable comment. I’ve read and reread a lot of these comments trying to cope with my daughter’s suicide. I also just read the 15 topics above. This is very well written for a layman, especially a layman who is in pain. I have been searching for answers and almost totally lost it yesterday when I received some bad news.

      I reached out to someone in group to explain my pain. She said, as before, the pain never leaves. At best it subsides. I sound very rational now, but I am an emotional wreck. It dawned on me that if I can help just one person from going over the edge of no return, I will view it as a gift to my daughter. She always helped others and thought little of herself.

      I read the 15 points above and in many ways, I think we as a society all suffer from each and everyone at some point or another (exclusive of drugs). We are so affected by the constant noise in the media, a never ending reminder to be thinner, prettier, smarter, stronger, more cute, richer, etc. It doesn’t matter. There will always be someone in front of you and someone in back of you in any endeavor.

      Try to take solace that you are part of the larger “we” and you are a part of what makes the world go round. Without you, the world will be incomplete. I know that you may be in physical and mental pain on a daily basis, but it just might be the last day of pain today, if not maybe tomorrow. Keep talking and maybe you will stumble on a solution; however, minor your situation can be improved it is better doing something that can’t be undone.

      The pain and emptiness I feel is unfathomable, I can’t really explain it, even to myself. Please take a day to think, then a week to think, reach out for help wherever it is. I want to talk with you to help you and to help me. Tomorrow is another day and it jus may be the best day of your life so give it a chance to be a good day at least. I am here ready, willing, and able to listen and respond. I hope you the best day today and tomorrow. So keep talking.

  • Jon July 5, 2015, 7:08 pm

    1, 2, 7, maybe 8, and 14. I’m agoraphobic, which is what caused most of the reasons I have for feeling suicidal, but traumatic experience sure didn’t help. Everything I’ve read about treating it says that inpatient treatment is no more effective than outpatient, but does anyone think a halfway house could do any good?

  • Emma June 16, 2015, 1:53 am

    1, 3, 6, 9, 10, 15.
    10 years of working so hard to survive and manage recurrent mental illness (GAD, MDD, EDNOS) and I’m only 23 years old. So many different medications and therapies. I have achieved some wonderful things in snatches of relative health before I’ve slipped back into this tormenting mess. Psychiatrists and doctors still tell me they’re optimistic but given the trend that’s been emerging it’s really hard to keep believing and hoping I’ll recover enough to live the life I want. A degree, a career, a house, a beautiful family, a golden retriever, a long and fulfilling life. I’m not sure I have to energy to make it.

    • CW April 24, 2016, 6:18 am

      Just watch, one day, you’ll have another good day, and they’ll just keep on coming.

  • anon June 8, 2015, 5:53 pm

    I have 11 symptoms on this list. I have simple medical problems associated with chronic halitosis that countless doctors in NYC fail to acknowledge and treat. I am beautiful and musically inclined; I had the opportunity to get into the music industry (I am skilled), model and make substantial money, and I was also a dance instructor for a few months when I thought I was cured. Every time I thought I was cured I started something that would be almost impossible to finish.

    I am in school now and have a 4.0, and I’m thinking about colombia university. I speak Japanese and Spanish and ceased learning and attending related groups because my breath is too offensive. I currently have a sinus infection that has spread to my lungs and, because there is no inflammation, the doctors did not perform any tests and won’t treat me. I know that this will manifest into another chronic condition.

    I was getting into the counseling field but I will not be respected with bad breath despite my attractive and seemingly normal looks. Did I mention that my teeth have been perfectly aligned and white since I was born? When the smell emits, people take it as negligence and become angry. I am 27 and unmarried- not old by NYC standards, but still an age to begin looking. I see this as permanent.

    I believe in God. He loves me and I know it- He has shown me countless times. I have been going through this for 11 years and I just can’t do it anymore. The Presbyterian ER (the best) turned me away even though I can hardly breathe from the infection in my lungs. The x-ray did not show anything apparently. No ENT or doctor will help me. There is no hope.

    • Cris June 19, 2015, 1:42 am

      Hi Anon, Did you have your tonsils checked for stones (tonsilloliths)? What about acid reflux? and your teeth, are day in good conditions: any cavity? yeast infection? do you have diabetes or kidney or liver problems? All of these could also cause bad breath, the best doctor is your family doctor, because he/should know your health history. My best wishes for all. -Cris

      • Bev November 28, 2015, 9:41 pm

        My husband had the same problem for years and it turned out to be a bad tooth. Once it was pulled, everything changed for him.

    • Kay November 21, 2015, 4:39 pm

      Anon, I don’t know if my advice will work for you, but it worked for me. I started getting very offensive bad breath that no matter how much I brushed or worked at it never cured. I figured out it started when I got sick and took mucinex. What it did (I think) was dry out my mouth and sinuses and foul things flourished in my mouth that wasn’t easily killed off, even with vigorous tongue brushing.

      So what I started doing was swishing hydrogen peroxide in my mouth when I thought things were bad. (It’s safe to put in your mouth just don’t swallow) Eventually it killed things growing on my tongue and in my mouth, but I’d follow up with a dry-mouth oral rinse (you can pick this up at like a CVS anywhere). It put the moisture back in my mouth which helped combat bacteria growing there.

      Mouthwash seemed to erase all that because it left a sweet/aspartame aftertaste so I don’t recommend using it. Took a few weeks but it cleared right up and now no offending smell. Hope this helps anyone and everyone.

    • Andrea January 25, 2016, 4:16 am

      My son had the same thing, and he had his tonsils removed (as food was getting caught in them and decaying, which was causing the foul smell). Something you should consider doing. Hope it gets better for you.

    • Pierre August 6, 2016, 2:47 am

      A few people already mentioned that bad breath (halitosis) may be related to issues with food debris caught within the tonsil cavities near the back of the throat. I have to agree. Every once in a while I have this issue myself, food debris get stuck back there, and when I dislodge the debris I can detect their scent, which is sometimes really awful.

      But how do you dislodge the debris? Here is a trick that you can use, but it takes practice: turn your tongue (nearly 180 degrees) towards the left or right side of your throat, and you may be able to reach your tonsil cavities and clean them out simply using the tip of your tongue.

      You probably won’t succeed the first few times, but keep trying and after practicing several times and stretching your tongue you may be surprised to find you can reach your own tonsils and keep them clean for the rest of your life. Good luck!

    • Alex September 14, 2016, 12:18 am

      Try swishing and gargling with a bunch of drops of tea tree oil in water?

    • trina November 17, 2016, 5:44 am

      Have you tried over the counter sinus meds like mucinex? Upper respiratory and untreated sinus issues can definitely cause bad breath. What about afrin?

  • Rex Sharp June 4, 2015, 7:43 pm

    1, 7, 8, 11 and 14 here.

  • T June 2, 2015, 9:54 pm

    1, 2, 5, and 14 on the list.

  • Jack May 9, 2015, 1:05 pm

    I was laid off September 2013. I am experiencing numbers 7, 8, and 14 on the list.

    • Christina May 16, 2015, 7:38 pm

      There are people who care about you Jack, please don’t make any rash decisions.

      • Barbara March 5, 2016, 10:07 pm

        No they don’t. Hypocrites will say they do after the fact. Ever call for hours and get a recording from suicide hot lines? Yeah. Multiple lines. Greedy family and phony friends – after the fact. To make themselves feel better because they chose not to be supportive of your efforts to survive poverty.

        • joe March 14, 2016, 9:22 pm

          BAM! exactly. People only care AFTER the fact. But SHUN those who are struggling before. If they act like they care, they are usually playing HERO so they get positive attention as a good person and to affirm that they are not the one who is sick, while your selfish ass gets shipped off to the mental ward in cuffs by police as all the neighbors watch and judge you as a horrible person here in out!

          • Lilly April 5, 2016, 4:26 am

            It’s true. My mom made me depressed when she told me to kill myself. She meant it. She tried throwing me out on the streets when I was a small child. When I told her I was depressed she told me “I’m extremely immature and that there was something wrong with me.” Not in the I’ll get you help kind of way but more of a I’m some sort of a contaminated animal, only ment to be locked away.

          • Janet January 1, 2017, 5:48 am

            Joe, you hit the nail on the head. My perfect example is I was having such a tough time and trying so hard to reach out to my sister who never returned my phone calls or emails. However I happened to come across a post of hers on, of all things, Facebook regarding the suicide of someone she barely knew and she made this pleading statement of “if you’re ever feeling this way call me anytime I’ll talk to you.”

            I just thought wow girl you’re just so missing the train. I have called you so many times and you never responded. Ironically she had so many replies posts of oh so sorry for your loss about someone she actually didn’t even know. So yeah Joe you’re right they’re just going for the hero effect.

          • Diana February 3, 2017, 8:00 pm

            Not everyone. I’ve had people who cared when I was thinking of self harm.

        • Yvette June 12, 2016, 3:51 pm

          I agree with this statement. Most people do not care! I went through so many financial problems last year due to loss of a job and I am a single parent with a teenager. NOT one person invited us to live wih them knowing we would be evicted. People in general are full of **it!

          • Karen July 16, 2016, 8:10 pm

            I agree!

          • African July 25, 2016, 11:13 pm

            Yeah people really don’t care. I guess you should really fight for yourself and when you get down just be quiet. Don’t cry. No one cares except God. He will tell you why He left you alone. Don’t condemn people. They are people. Don’t expect anything good from them. I went through a lot I think but I tell you what… just know that you are alone in this world. At my job, I’m being discriminated against and I have a wife. Life is tough here but people are seriously hurting me.

          • Tim Thompson October 12, 2016, 6:56 pm

            It’s so very sad but most people really do not care.

        • Alex September 14, 2016, 12:14 am

          It’s true that the vast majority of people don’t and can’t care. We’re told to reach out when it gets bad but then when you do you fall on your face. On the other hand, even one good friend who actually cares about it makes all the difference. I have that one friend. While she can’t be there for me all the time and sometimes I wish she would be there more when I REALLY need help, she is there for me as she’s able and actually puts in an effort.

          It’s true that we’re ultimately alone in our western culture. I think we evolved to be a close and interconnected species but we’ve become broken apart by our culture. Think of a cat who’s hurt. They’ll hide it. But if a person has hurt feelings they display the pain. We, as a species, expect others to be there for us. Over time we don’t get than connection and the pain display becomes a chronic guarding and starts to ossify and we’re left with chronic pain.

          I’m developing a bodywork system that works to reverse this process. I’ve already helped someone put their fibromyalgia into remission by doing body based emotional therapy for a few different traumatic experiences, including childhood sexual abuse. It took 2 two hour sessions and she’s free of it after 7 years of debilitating pain and was on multiple pain meds, one of which was giving her seizures, but was still worth it to her.

          Feeling protected, cared for, soothed, touched, valued, safe, and no longer alone can be an extremely powerful healing process.

    • Diana September 7, 2016, 5:58 am

      Hang in there, Jack. All will be well very soon. (If they aren’t already). I wish I could do more to help, but unfortunately I can’t, seeing as I’m only 13. Don’t really have access to anything.

      But I know someone with a chronic illness. It’s hard watching them struggle, but I know they’ll hang in there. They have friends to support them, and now you do too. Even if you aren’t suffering from a chronic illness, pains are different for every person and reason. It doesn’t mean we should take them lightly.

      • Missy September 24, 2016, 4:56 pm

        I’ve always considered suicide as the last resort, push this button in the event of a total catastrophe kind of solution. Living with chronic pain, employment/financial difficulties, PTSD and GAD, adult survivor, medication resistant mood disorder… Yikes, now I know why the thought stays with me like a comfy sweater, I’m “at risk” multiplied by 5 or 6.

        I really know leaving would be easy, because staying is really really hard. I suffer, because I can’t do to the people who care about me, what leaving would do. They suffer too, and they’re still here. My best friend left, it’s not completely clear if it was accidental, not to others, but I know. That’s a feeling. That’s a messed up feeling, to know that you could have stopped her if you had noticed the signs.

        Signs were everywhere, and for years, and years. I did stand between her and death, dozens of times, but that night she didn’t call, she had flirted with the idea for too long, the idea became more, and she crossed over to the silent determination to make good on her perennial threats. Yes, I was still shocked and devastated, I haven’t fully accepted the loss and it’s been more than 4 years – but what could I have done differently?

        She would have totally cut me out of her life if I tried to get her hospitalized, and she had been, on a number of occasions, and yet her issues persisted. In and out of treatment programs, years of psychotherapy and medication intervention, like myself, nothing stuck for her. The difference between her and I, is a matter of loyalty.

        I am loyal to the people who have stuck by me despite myself, and I could not leave them with the kind of feelings and questions that suicide would inevitably bring them to. I stay because I will do no harm – I suffer through, because there is always hope – I want a better life, but this is the life I was given, and for better or worse, it’s the only life I have. It’s so sad when people forget that tomorrow will most definitely (tomorrow plural – possibly 30 tomorrows) bring better days.

        There are more good days ahead, more to experience, more to learn, more revelations, more epiphanies, more heartbreak, sorrow, joy, laughter, humiliation… Just hold on, be patient, any rash decision is probably a bad one. Sleep on it, and see if some of the urgency goes away, it almost always does. Stay friends, please stay.

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