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I Want To Die / Kill Myself: Coping With Suicidal Thoughts

If you are suicidal and thinking “I Want To Die” or “I Want to Kill Myself,” the most important thing is that you get help for yourself. If you cannot find help, this article should help guide you in the right direction. In order to get better, you need to reach out for help. Being suicidal can feel like an everlasting trap and you may start believing that no matter what you do, what you try, or however much will power you put forth, you will never get better. Although most people have different stories leading them to feel like killing themselves, the one thing that suicidal individuals have in common is that they want to die, but deep down, if they could get rid of the emotional pain, they would like to live a fulfilling life.

I Want To Die / Kill Myself: Coping With Suicidal Thoughts

When you are suicidal, I have found that three aspects of intervention are absolutely necessary to facilitate a full recovery. These three aspects include: social support, distraction, and professional help. Although it is imperative that you get some sort of professional help, you cannot be with professionals 24 hours a day 7 days a week. In the times when you feel most alone, you need at least one person who will listen to you talk, and even if they cannot provide good advice or a solution, be supportive and allow you to vent.

Additionally, when you don’t have anyone to talk to and are alone, I’ve found that distraction is necessary. If you don’t distract yourself, you may end up moping in a room all day by yourself and feel even worse that you didn’t do anything by the time the day is over. I’ve divided this up three ways into things that you should do if you are suicidal.

Social support:

1. Call family – If you are lucky enough to have supportive family members, give them a call and tell them what is going on. Chances are good that you know someone (at least one person) who you can talk to about how you feel. If you cannot call them, at least text them and tell them what’s up.

2. Call a friend – If you don’t have any family that you can talk to about how you feel, hopefully you have at least one friend you can vent with. If you have no friends or don’t feel comfortable talking about your feelings with them, there are still other options.

3. Call 911 – One way of getting some very good support for the way you are feeling is by calling 911 and explaining to them how you feel. When you call 911, a police officer will talk to you about how you are feeling and help you get to the bottom of the situation. If you do call 911, just know that you have nothing to be afraid of – the police are well trained and will help talk to you about what you can do to feel better. They may make you visit the hospital and get a professional mental health assessment, so keep this in mind should you decide to call 911.

4. Online forums – There are plenty of great online forums on which you can post anonymously and explain your situation. Many people on these forums are going through similar things and share your feelings of wanting to die and depression. One post will likely get you a ton of different feedback from people who have managed to live through their own suicidal days and create a fulfilling life.

Examples of forums include:

  • PsychCentral.com
  • PsychForums.com
  • DepressionForums.org

I have listed them in the order that I recommend. I have given them all a shot and due to the sheer number of people signed up at PsychCentral, you are likely to get a lot of responses in a short period of time. Additionally, there are some extremely helpful souls at the PsychForums. Posting in forums anonymously is better than sitting in a room moping to yourself and holding in all your emotional pain. Share it with the world and let everyone know what you are going through. Someone may end up giving you some great advice or telling you exactly what you need to hear to push through another day.

5. Talklife App (iPhone / iPod / iPad) – A very cool app out to help those who are suicidal and struggling with their feelings is the Talklife app – available for free for iPhone, iPod, and iPad devices. I’m not sure if they are going to make one for Android platforms, but this is truly a gem with a lot of supportive people. You can help others by posting responses, get help by sharing your story and waiting for responses, and also come to learn that other individuals are going through tough times just like you. This is an awesome app if you utilize it correctly.

6. Suicide hotline – There are plenty of free suicide prevention hotlines that you can call anonymously to talk about how you feel if you are feeling suicidal. One example is that of the Samaritans. These are people that are waiting to talk to suicidal individuals and get them some help. At the very least, these anonymous people on the phone can be some sort of social support if you have none at the moment. Talking to a complete stranger is better than talking to no person at all.

7. Create a “life” contract – One good method for preventing suicide is to write up a contract saying that you will not kill yourself. You must share it with your therapist, psychologist, family or all of the above and sign it. This is essentially a promise that you vow to keep that you will not commit suicide. Surprisingly enough, these are pretty darn effective at preventing people from ending their life.

Distraction:

1. Exercise – One of the best distractions from your emotional pain of feeling suicidal is exercise. When you force yourself to work out, you are essentially becoming stronger and healthier. Additionally, in some cases, exercise provides a very quick antidepressant effect. Perhaps the most effective way to feel good is to go for a run – make yourself run at least a few miles. By running a few miles, you will stimulate the production of endorphins (natural feel good chemicals) in your body.

Whether you decide to go for a run, lift weights, do push ups, do pull ups, etc. Some sort of exercise can keep you distracted. Work your body until you are so tired that you think about getting some good sleep instead of suicide. Putting in your headphones, getting some fresh air, and going for a run outside is one of the best feelings in the world – no matter how terrible you currently feel.

2. Read (uplifting book or article) – If you are feeling like ending it all, some uplifting, inspirational reading material can really work wonders for your mind. If you read something positive or inspirational in regards to any aspect of life, it will help you feel better about your situation. Reading is a great distraction because no matter what you read, you are forced to focus on what you are reading instead of the suicidal thoughts cycling through your head. I know it may be difficult to read and stay focused, but having some good reading material handy can help you make it through another day. There are some great personal development websites (i.e. Steve Pavlina), books, and audio tapes (i.e. Tony Robbins) that may help you improve your situation by giving you a more positive perspective on life.

3. TV – If there is a good show on TV, or anything that you like to watch – sometimes simply watching TV can help distract you from your suicidal thinking. Whether it’s a sporting event, comedy, or just a show that you’ve always liked, it may be really helpful to force yourself to watch it if you feel like killing yourself. TV can sometimes be inspirational, funny, but most of all, a good distraction from the way that you are feeling.

4. Journal – For certain individuals, one of the best ways to get out their suicidal emotion is by journaling. Write down how you feel and then write down some ways in which you think you can overcome the feeling. Writing it down and analyzing how you feel helps you become more aware and conscious of yourself and your life. You can learn a lot about yourself by journaling and if you have nobody to vent to, at least getting your suicidal feelings documented will help.

5. Movies – Movies are a great distraction when you are feeling suicidal and distressed. When I was at my most suicidal I watched the entire James Bond series and rented one new release every night until I had seen them all. I think that comedy type movies tend to be most beneficial for those who are suicidal. I would recommend staying away from dramas and movies with a lot of sadness because they may make you feel even worse. Stick to something upbeat and who knows, by the end of it, you may feel pretty good.

6. Fresh air – Get outside, go for a walk, breathe some fresh air and enjoy the outdoors. There is nothing better than getting outside in nature if you feel suicidal. Getting away from all the hustle and bustle and going for a walk to clear your head is one of the best feelings in the world. If it helps, take music, or an inspirational tape with for some sort of mental boost. If you have a dog, take the dog for a walk and just enjoy being outside and feeling free. Even if you feel terribly suicidal, the fact that you are moving and doing something is a positive step.

7. Play a game – There are many types of games you could play including: board games, sports, Nintendo, Xbox, poker, etc. Pick a game that you like and play it. There are computer games, board games, card games, and tons of options. You could even play chess or checkers or try to learn a new game. When you feel suicidal, you can use this game as a distraction to help you cope with your feeling.

8. Food – Treat yourself to some good, healthy, food and see if it helps. If you have been eating too much, or unhealthy as a result of your depression, you may want to stay away from this item on the list. However, if you are suicidal, eating something good may provide you with at least some sort of temporary satisfaction. If you have enough money, order a good meal and enjoy the fact that you get something delicious to eat. Although this may not take away your suicidal feelings, it will help keep you distracted.

9. Sex – If you have a significant other to have some sexual fun with, this can really help improve mood. It helps increase the production of dopamine in the brain and sex is generally considered beneficial for mental functioning. The same effect and level of satisfaction is not typically achieved via masturbation. If you have a partner that you can have sex with (and your sex drive is not nonexistent due to the depression), you may want to have some fun – it could be a good temporary distraction from your suicidal feelings.

10. Clean your room – One of the best things you can do for yourself to stay distracted is to stay productive. Acknowledge that you feel suicidal, but make yourself do something to improve your living situation. Something simple that you can do is clean your room. Make your bed, pick up your clothes, do some laundry, vacuum, dust, organize, etc. Having a cleaner room and the sense of accomplishment you’ll get may distract you from how crappy you feel.

11. Art – Many people that have depression or are suicidal are great at drawing and creating artwork that helps express how they feel. Although dwelling on your emotion to create art may be painful, the act of creating artwork can help you get all of your feelings out and share them with the world. Additionally, if you are very musically inclined, you may want to write a song or play an instrument to help keep yourself distracted.

Professional help:

1. Psychotherapist – There are some great psychotherapists out there that may be just as smart and equally as equipped to help suicidal individuals as psychologists. The great thing about psychotherapists is that you can talk to them, they listen to what you have to say, and they come up with some solutions to help get you back on the right track mentally. If you are feeling suicidal, they will help you determine what is causing you to feel so down in the dumps and then come up with a plan to help you correct the situation.

2. Psychologist – There are some great psychologists that genuinely want to help people who are suicidal turn things around and make a full recovery. Psychologists are highly trained individuals that know how to help people struggling with thoughts of suicide and depression. Additionally many will help you come up with solutions for overcoming depression, feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and can recommend various treatments depending on what is causing you to feel suicidal.

3. Psychiatrist – If you are suicidal all the time and don’t know what to do, somewhere along the line you will want to visit a psychiatrist. A psychiatrist will likely diagnose you with depression and give you some medication to try to help you overcome your depression. Although medications can be a pain in the butt to deal with, they do help a lot of people get through rough patches. If you feel suicidal all the time, every day, and don’t know what to do, a psychiatrist will prescribe you a medication that will produce some chemicals to make you feel better about yourself. Most people who commit suicide do not realize that there are tons of different treatment options available and that one medication could turn their entire life around and change their entire reality: from extreme despair and sadness to happiness within weeks.

Life is Temporary: Death Is Permanent

Just know that there is always hope for your future.  Science is advancing at such a quick rate that there could be a cure tomorrow for whatever ails you.  If you have a mental disorder, there may be an amazing new treatment that you don’t even know about.  The key is getting yourself in touch with the right people for help.  Wanting to die and/or kill yourself are not solutions to the problem at hand.  The problem is that you are suffering.  You need to take a look at yourself from the inside out and work towards making positive changes.  Find one area of your life to improve so that you feel less depressed tomorrow.

If you have done everything on this list you should feel better and continue to improve your situation. Keep showing up, keep putting forth effort, keep trying, and eventually you will get better. It may not be overnight, it may not be in a week, a month, or a year, but when you figure out what works, you will be happy that you stuck around to enjoy life.  You will look back at the time when you were suicidal as a mere “bump in the road” on the path to becoming the strongest version of yourself.  If you can make it through this tough time, you can make it through anything.  Choose to live.

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{ 241 comments… add one }
  • Lucy Miller February 13, 2018, 10:43 pm

    Take it from a pessimistic person, but I don’t think suicide is the solution to your problem. It’s just not worth it. Problems come and go. We can’t call this living if we’re only living in luxury. We are aware of life, and the solution to your problem if you’re having suicidal thoughts? Is a person you can lean on. And always think that some people somewhere are experiencing worse fate than us.

  • Goldenyears February 13, 2018, 6:42 am

    All of these comments make me feel sad. I was having a really tough day feeling completely overwhelmed and incompetent on my job. Considering suicide just because those feelings of being on the bottom get old. But I hope all of you people know that we are not accidents, worthless or garbage.

    We are precious. And just because we live in a world that many, many MANY other people have messed up or us doesn’t mean we cannot find joy. I know some of you don’t believe in God but hey: look at a butterfly, an egg, or anything else of beauty and wonder and believe that God is reaching for you, he loves you, and he knows what its like to fail, to be spit on, mistreated etc.

    Reach out for Him and HE will love you when maybe no one else does. And tomorrow life will be better because He is gonna find something, even a small thing that say ________ I love you:)

  • Chelsea January 11, 2018, 2:57 am

    I am 12 years old and I go to therapy for depression. My parents are always making fun of me for it and tell me to stop already. I have no friends and get bullied and I am dead to my parents if I make anything below 90%. It’s upsetting when the one friend you have is your therapist and your parents judge you for it.

    Every time my parents fight they say it’s my fault. I picked up drawing as a distraction from every day but my parents don’t approve. Each night I cry into my pillow and plan my escape from this life. People probably are Experiencing worse but we all have different breaking points. I want to tell my therapist but she’ll probably put me in a crazy home.

    • Goldenyears February 13, 2018, 6:49 am

      Dear Chelsea, I love your name. You are a sweet and precious young girl. Like you I have an abusive mom. But that doesn’t need to define you. They blame you for the arguing because they don’t want to take responsibility. Believe that you have a life ahead of you that can be wonderful.

      Many exceptional people had terrible parents. Know that you are loved even if your parents are being really dumb. And your therapist will NOT think you are crazy, they will realize you are in pain. I will be praying you find friends and hope.

  • Pamela December 13, 2017, 7:50 am

    Left out something important in article, HORMONES… My Sister, 61, had hysterectomy a while ago, probably two years, has slowly become depressed, hates herself, is in hospital now. I am suggesting Bio Hormones because she was never like this and I think women with Menopause and hysterectomy can become really ill… any suggestions or advice? Sister did have messed up childhood, I had therapy for years, she didn’t.

  • Kevin Roberts December 12, 2017, 6:47 am

    I wake up every day wanting to be dead or die. My uncle had the guts so I know deep down I do also. Just need to find the least painful way for my wife and kids. They are the only reasons I am still here, but every day it is clearer they would be better off without me. Not sure what to do, but I go to sleep tonight hoping tomorrow the world will take me away somehow.

  • hhhhh December 12, 2017, 1:50 am

    I’m having trouble with S.I. lately. I’ve struggled with depression for 10 years now, with a majority of it spent with suicidal thoughts. Now, what’s different, is that there are urges. Impulsive and rapid urges and most of the time I act on them. At one point I wrapped my earbuds around my neck as tight as I could until my face paled/went blue, I bear down on my wrist with a knife when I’m washing dishes, and I hit myself in the head with pans/headbang on walls.

    It’s hell. It’s like my body has finally caught up with my brain’s wishes; that I want to die. I’ve been on medication since I was 13, I am an adult now. I’ve been in therapy since 12. My biggest affliction right now (beside the S.I. and S.U.) would be that I am “high-functioning.” Meaning; I get straight A’s in all my college courses, I have a job, and I take care of myself physically well.

    I can hear it now; WOW, you are SO much better off than I am. Yes, maybe that’s true. But what people fail to realize is that, I struggle with the same crushing depression that you do, I hate myself just as much as you do, I fantasize about my death just. As. Much. As you do. However, because I can still drag myself out of bed, I am better off as I constantly hear from my own therapist. Always “I have worse patients than you.” Or, “you’re doing so well.”

    Well, actually, doc, I’m not. I’m just good at hiding how I really feel, because after years of constant invalidation and degrading of my mental illness I sometimes think I don’t have one at all. I constantly ask myself if I’m faking or if anything is real. I have many experiences that tell me they are real and I am not faking, however, I battle with these thoughts daily.

    All I want is to be freed of my emotional pain and the only thing that I know for sure can end it is by ending my life. There is no other end in sight for me. With the way that people constantly tell me I’m fine, that I don’t need this, or I don’t need that. That I’m not severe enough, that I am just a hormonal teenager (honey, we’ve gotten past that). I’m done. I’m over it. If I can’t even get serious help, then what’s the bother. Really.

    Thanks for coming to my TED talk, everyone.

  • lill March 23, 2017, 11:04 pm

    I’m only 12 and I always have suicidal thoughts. Here I am in the office at my school because yesterday and the day before I was suspended. I had a crappy morning and I just don’t know if I wanna live or not.

  • Undisclosed March 4, 2017, 7:33 am

    I have hidden depression, migraines, and unbeknownst to most, suicidal thoughts. I’m a teenage girl, and I don’t like feeling this way. It makes me cry, a lot. And I don’t want to cry. I hate crying.

    Sometimes I feel that maybe I shouldn’t kill myself. My mom would be devastated, my four younger siblings growing up without an older sister. Anyways, I don’t always feel suicidal.

    Sure, I think about it a LOT, but I don’t think I’m capable of killing myself. No, I couldn’t do that. I’m to scared to even self-harm. Sometimes I wish everything would just stop for a moment. That I could breathe.

  • Dem February 22, 2017, 7:08 pm

    I’m sitting here watching my father slowly die from cancer. I fear being alone after he passes. I have no other family I can talk to. They’re all too busy with their lives. The thought has buried itself in my mind. I know it hurt people, but I can see no other way out. He might die today. After that, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

  • Chris January 31, 2017, 9:29 am

    I feel like ending my life every day at the moment now. I’m 38 and I’ve suffered with a condition called hemifacial spasms for years and following unsuccessful medication and surgery I feel everyone as given up on me now. I can’t hold a job down because of this condition and I’m financially struggling my way through life barely coping to support my family. I’m really in a dark place at the moment and I don’t how to get through it… I’ve talked and talked, but that doesn’t take this health condition away. Convinced this is the only way to stop it and rest in peace.

  • Matt January 3, 2017, 6:14 am

    The world that we live is in is that of selfishness and greed. There is nothing here worth living for. I understand what this place was supposed to be. It’s been corrupted and it can’t be salvaged.

    Are there still glimmers of goodness here? Sure there are. Are those few bright spots outnumbered ten to one by acts of malicious and insidious nature? They are, at the very least.

    People only care about themselves at their core. I have never met a single person who cares about others more than themselves, myself included, though the whole world proclaims to be benevolent when questioned on the matter. It’s not even the fact that people are this way that bothers me.

    It’s that they have no choice but to be. The entire world that we live in coaxes people into this manner of being. Might is right. The strong survive. Take what you can get, no matter the cost.

    All this we teach to our children. All this we were taught. Yet at our cores we know that the most meaningful things that we have in this life is our relationships with one another. It’s sadistic.

    The conflict that arises within me as a result of these contradictions causes me to have little reason to push on. I’d have to change the entire world to be able to even stomach living here and I know that’s not feasible. What can you say to me that will change my mind?

  • david December 19, 2016, 5:23 pm

    I guess I’m just too afraid to face or live in the future. I’ve had chances and lost them – had jobs and lost them. Always erratic behavior. Had a loving wife and lost that. My son wants nothing to do with me and I deserve it all. I keep alone and people away because it’s easier.

    I think about killing myself and have for years – I know that I had a value at one point in my life but no longer. In debt and don’t see a way out. I just want peace. But I’d rather live and help others but that feeling lasts for a few moments and then it’s gone and I’m back inside my own head.

  • alana December 13, 2016, 1:14 am

    I’m 26 years old and I’ve had BDD and anxiety since preschool (first time I asked my mom I was fat, I was 4, and I have never been clinically overweight), and then anorexia and eating disorders, depression, addiction, among other diagnoses since ages 11/12. I was a gifted honors student until I developed gastroparesis at 16 and between that and treatment, I had to quit sports teams, lost my social life, and eventually dropped out of high school.

    Got my GED but couldn’t make it through college – tried twice. Then my dad suddenly died and my family lost everything. I went totally loony, what everyone believes is bipolar, for about four years of intense manic ups and crazy depressions that I coped with through pills. And a bunch of anorexia relapses.

    I’m off the pills now but I still can’t go to school or work, everything I’ve tried I’ve ultimately failed at – literally EVERYTHING. Now my social anxiety is so intense and my depression is so bad I have a hard time leaving my house, can’t look in the mirror because of how fat, hideous, untalented, worthless waste of space I think I am. I regularly hit myself and harm myself as I hate myself so passionately.

    I actively push people away and then try so hard to do things to make myself happy but at the end of the day, without fail, I want to die and the self hatred is always there. I am a serious waste of space and if it weren’t for my mother id have been dead years ago. I still want to be dead. I have no life purpose and no worth.

  • rachel December 1, 2016, 5:32 pm

    I’ve been depressed for so long I don’t even know. It started when I was a kid. I was sexually abused by my uncle at age 7 this went on for 2 years. When I told my parents what was going on they didn’t believe me. When I was 15 I talked about it again. Even then nothing changed. My whole family found out (aunts, uncles, cousins) and nobody cared to do anything about it.

    I’m 23 have no friends, I don’t have any family I can talk to. Besides feeling lonely in the world I feel like I can’t function as a human being. I have seen a psychologist and was diagnosed with OCD, depression, anxiety and ptsd. She wanted to give me meds and I refused. I don’t want to depend on a pill for me to be able to live.

    Nobody and I mean nobody really cares about me. You can say my parents do, but really if they did they would of helped me through my problems not just swept them under the rug and told me to let go. I’ve been dealing with this for so long that I’m tiered I’m tiered of living. I’m literally exhausted from just waking up and having to face another day.

    I feel so selfish because I know people have it worse and I shouldn’t complain. Which just makes me feel even worse. I’ve tried exercising, reading, doing art. Watching shows, but I just feel like I’m done.

    • Jakey December 17, 2016, 1:42 am

      I know you don’t know me, but I’m 21 and understand how you feel. Just wish I could be there for you.

  • Rachel November 27, 2016, 5:15 am

    Hey, I am 12 going to be 13 in a few months. Depression and suicidal thoughts have been a problem of mine for a while now. I tried to tell my parents but they just don’t get it. I had told them I cut, and gave them my razor but now I feel so empty without it. Faking everything I do, I spend most of my time alone and go to bed around 7:00 because if I stay up too late, I will never be able to sleep because of my thoughts. But I wanted to thank you because your article was a distraction for even a moment. Life is hard, and I know I don’t have it that bad after reading all of these other comments.

  • Kane November 21, 2016, 3:50 am

    This didn’t help me at all, what do you do when the help doesn’t help? The only reason I’m still here is because I love my partner too much to do it to her so I just sit around hating every moment of my existence. What do I do?

  • warm_bot November 19, 2016, 10:16 am

    One thing that helped me a little was making a short term (in 2 days, or at the end of the week) appointment (one at time) with my psychiatrist. Because I knew I would have to go there and tell her how it’s progressing, if it’s different from day to day, etc. It made me have a short term goal. It made be (a little) busy thinking about what I was going to tell her, maybe writing it, or just observing myself.

    For me it was a psychiatrist because I had nothing else (and it requires that the psy is available), but maybe it could be something else for another person. Like planning to meet with someone you trust and you can talk about it (spending a night watching movies distract from that a little), or an appointment for a massage to relax your self, or anything that you like enough to make you wait for it. Plus it makes you move and sometimes even go out, or encourage you to shower, or eat (with the friend), which can already help you feel a little bit better.

    It doesn’t solve the problem but it makes you gain 2 or 3 more days alive. Also I’ve heard about “suicide box”, you put in a box all the things that make you feel better, like a movie you like, a letter from a friend or family, a phone number from someone you like, music that makes you feel energetic (you know, “epic” music), food, a letter or a video for yourself… anything you want.

    The last thing I’ve heard, it was for coping with healing from an accident, but I think it might work for depression. It’s asking to friends to make you a list of things to do, 1 thing a day, in order to keep yourself busy. Plus “executive functions” are not working when you are depressed. Executive functions are a cognitive process that make you execute actions. That’s why when you are depressed, even if you find motivation to do something, you can’t move from your bed.

    Of course, a friend telling you “go for a walk, you will feel better” doesn’t solve your depression (we all know people who tell you that kind of thing that piss us off). But having someone telling you to do something (something that you can do, not going out for a run for example, it’s too much) can sometimes help you compensate with your executive functions problem. I remember my doctor telling me things like “drink water when you wake up” or “switch off your phone at 9pm, and you are not allowed to switch it on before 9am”.

    It didn’t work all the time, but at least I had a goal, and I was trying. There’s more chances that you do something if someone else tells you to do. Because when it comes from you, you are lost, you don’t know if it’s a good idea or not, you’re confused. It’s more clear when it comes from someone else. But of course, if someone wants to commit a suicide, it’s a neuropsychological problem, you cannot completely fight it with just movies and music. Yet even if it doesn’t cure you, all this things might help you gain a little more time.

  • Simprincess November 17, 2016, 2:05 am

    I am 12. Maybe I am not suicidal, but sometimes I do think about killing myself. No one knows. What should I do?

    • preciouscane November 18, 2016, 5:58 pm

      Maybe find a good bookstore and browse some stories to make you feel better.

    • warm_bot November 19, 2016, 10:21 am

      Hi, If you think about suicide, we can say you are suicidal. The best thing to do according to me is to talk about it to an adult person who can orientate you to some professional help like a psychiatrist or a psychologist. If you cannot speak to your parents, try a school counselor, or something like that. You can also call a hotline, they are able to guide you to the right person, and will discuss with you about the most appropriate kind of help (not only psy). Good luck, you matter, and you deserve to feel better.

  • Anonymous November 10, 2016, 3:39 am

    I hate my life. I just want to die. My parents are too ashamed of saying that I am their daughter because of just a dumb test and a score of 88% (B). My family is mostly very smart, and my parents think that I am a bad student. Everyday, I go to sleep crying over something my parents said about a score. The worst score I ever got, was this, 88%. I just don’t know what to do…

    • warm_bot November 19, 2016, 10:36 am

      Wow your parents are really strict. A score does not reflect your personality or intelligence. It just reflect your ability to answer that test. Plus the last 12% of 88% are 12% of things you need to understand with more time, or just things you didn’t remember at this very moment. Finally wtf 88% is already a lot!

      The best thing you can do is to find professional help, it can be a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Or relaxation and self-confidence techniques.
      To be honest, I think it’s more your father who need to see a psychiatrist because of his high expectations on his kids, that might say more about him (projections of what he is and want on his children, something like that) than about you. But I don’t think he’s the kind of person who is disposed to do psychotherapy.

      Even better would be a family therapy. For the moment you can try to do a therapy (or other solutions) in order to help you cope with this situation, raise your self confidence and independency toward your parents expectations, and decrease your suicidal thoughts (which I’d probably have too, if I was in the same unescapable situation).

      Also, it’s my own personal experience, when I was young, I was in an abusive family too. So when I was in high school, I asked to go to a high school really far away from my house, I only came back for weekends. I you can’t do that, maybe try leaving when you are 18 (but don’t run away, it will put you in a bad situation, and will just make you more dependent of these persons).

      Sometimes the only was to escape an abusive person is to put distance between you and them. Good luck you deserve love, safety and gratitude.

  • Am I a Sociopath? November 8, 2016, 7:15 am

    I’m 17 years old and I am lucky. I have a loving family, friends that appreciate me, good grades, a nice house and no adult responsibilities. I am not sick, starving, poor, alone, disabled, overweight, nothing. And yet I feel miserable all the time – I want to shrivel up and die, I want to dissolve, I want to stop existing.

    I don’t really see the point in carrying on when things are so painful. The thing is there is no one that I really love or care about and thus I don’t really care if my leaving upsets them. I know it’s selfish, I understand it’s wrong but this doesn’t seem to affect me. Perhaps I am a sociopath – people being hurt by my actions doesn’t really affect me and I am after all asexual…

  • John November 4, 2016, 12:02 am

    This was definitely helpful, usually I never make social contact with people and like to stay to myself, but thanks to the tips, I’ve felt a lot better.

  • Allison October 26, 2016, 6:49 am

    I am broke… I work in a minimum wage job in a foreign country where I thought my life would improve after completion of college. I am barely affording my rent and I have no financial support. Getting up to go to that job is just a reminder of how disappointing my life is.

    I regret going to university and college. I feel like I wasted all that money for nothing but endless disappointment and poverty. My life is not worth living. I am tired of struggling to survive and living the way I had before completing my studies. Dying appears to be the best way out of this nightmare I am suppose to call life.

  • DD October 14, 2016, 11:11 pm

    After my husband of 33 & 1/2 years walked out of our marriage 3 years ago, the shear pain of what he did to me without a clue that he wasn’t happy truly rocked me and made me feel so hurt, I wanted to just die. But after months of assessing our marriage, I recovered and stayed as happy as I could at age 57, trying to rebuild myself. But then another thing happened only 4 months later. The call I got from my brother in NY rocked my world again, with his telling me he found my adoption docs hidden in our dad’s apartment.

    I never knew I had been adopted, and the total pain of not ever knowing, and feeling cheated out of knowing I was born to a French Jew and never told crushed me. I didn’t get along with my adoptive mother and had to run away as a young adult of 21 and join the US Navy was so hurtful to me, yet I have accepted this news and trying to cope with it still 3 years later. But then another incident has happened to me.

    My left eye retina detached and had surgery to reattach it in Oct 2015 but only 33 days later it detached again, leaving me legally blind in my left eye. I just want to die right now because I cannot cope with this. The life I wanted to rebuild after my husband was gone has slipped away from me. Even though I moved to CA after my husband dumped me and our 2 sons in WA state the saddest part of the country has not helped me overcome my complete sadness and feelings that I can never be happy again.

    I have no family nor any friends and want to end my life soon because I feel a curse has been placed on me. During my entire married life my husband dragged me all over the US for his careers -from east coast to west coast and back again. Because of this, both myself and sons feel so lost without roots or knowing who we are, and what to do. I wake up every day now crying and wanting to die, dream about how I am going to do it, and leaving behind text messages and emails to the one friend on the east coast letting them know I have crossed over to a peaceful and maybe happier life on the other side.

    Recently finding out from my first cousin, that my birth mother told the family she did give birth to a baby girl in 1957 in Germany but that baby died of a disease, has caused me so much pain and anguish, that I feel it’s time to join everyone who had passed away that has known me, from my adoptive mother, my birth mother, the grandmother I never knew, to relatives of my adoptive parents who know I was adopted and never told me to my birth father who wasn’t listed on my adoption records nor birth certificate, to the aunt and uncle who never knew about me to their daughter who could have been the sister to me and died in a house fire, I want to join them all.

    • Vazulie November 6, 2016, 9:30 pm

      Dear DD I hope you are still alive today and that you received some replies to your words. I am so touched by your story, how tough it has been for you. I understand the note having roots and place to call home, it is tough. The only way I can do this is through nature often by seating near a river or imagining that the roots of a tree touches all the other trees in our world.

      Or the moon, the stars they always make me feel like Earth is my home. Tonight if it is dark where you live we could connect you and I through the moon. Did you notice how it is always the same wherever people are? So please call someone you can talk and talk and cry and shout and feel some more with…you have so much to feel dear DD. My heart goes out to you. Take great care. You are precious.

  • Amanda October 13, 2016, 12:09 am

    Music is the only thing I still really like anymore. I don’t know if any of you have heard of the band called Daughter but they are my favorite band in the world. When I listen to them it makes me not feel as alone as I am. It makes me feel like there is someone out there who truly understands.

    Their music is very melancholic but sad music to me is like a massage for the soul. You all should try listening to them sometime. Made Of Stone, Smother, Landfill, Medicine are all really good songs. I just wanted to share this because I think music always connects people.

  • Hannah October 11, 2016, 5:53 pm

    I’m suicidal and I’m a teenager. I’ve been through so much. This article really helped me so much.

  • Josh October 8, 2016, 1:00 pm

    I’m a professional dancer, recently I’ve had knee surgery, my first major injury. I’m not going to dance again, I don’t think I can live with this. I feel like my passion and fight is ripped away from me.

  • Jasper Rhydian Steel September 20, 2016, 2:22 am

    Upon reading this article I found that I have no access to anyone who I am comfortable talking about my depression with. My family is the reason I have it and I don’t have friends. The only psychologist I’ve ever been to was a terrible person and made the problem worse. All of the distraction methods are things that I hate and I can’t just waltz away from my problems because I’m a minor. I hate myself and my life is devoid of meaning.

  • Lori Stanford August 31, 2016, 3:12 am

    When I began this post, I could barely see the screen through the tears. Worse, I had no clue what I wanted or needed to say, if anything at all, so I stopped typing and started reading others’ posts. One, in particular, caught my attention and I felt an overwhelming urge – or, as I stated in that reply, I felt “compelled”, to reply. I will probably never know if my words made a difference or even if I was in time to make a difference. What I do know is what I shared in that post: Those of us who found this site and had the will to write a post do not want to die; we simply want the pain, the hurt, and the overwhelming distress to go away.

    At the end of that reply, I wrote that I have decided I am not going to do anything to myself tonight. I also wrote that I know, from experience, some of these feelings will be gone in the morning. I have awakened too many times, in a psychiatric ward, or worse, a hospital bed (after some overachieving doctor excelled at his or her practice and jerked me back from the threshold of the other side) thinking, “What have I done? I want to go home.” I don’t want to wake to those thoughts in the morning so, no, tonight I will not act on, what is most likely, an act I will end up regretting tomorrow.

    On a last note, I will remind whoever may read this that I have repeatedly used the word ‘experience’ in this post. My first suicide attempt occurred when I was 23. There have been several since that first time. I turned 62 exactly one week ago and I was happy that day’ free of suicide ideations. I have lived, despite some of my best efforts, this long. I can wait one more night to see how I feel tomorrow, when I am 62 years, one week, and one day old. Keep posting. It seems to help. Lori

  • Frey August 29, 2016, 2:48 pm

    I’m beginning to feel my slant is not too rare. I have what everyone would think makes for a very nice life – a good education, personal achievements, a girlfriend, a job in my field. It just feels that none of these brings real happiness, or even peace of mind. I try not to complain because I know how very lucky I am, but I continue to feel that living is just not worth the struggle any more and that someone else would have better luck having what I have. People say suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, but I have determined, after several decades, that the problem may not be temporary.

  • TLT August 23, 2016, 2:39 pm

    My older brother died recently at 62 of Alzheimer’s. It was extremely painful to know, to witness. he had a family, children, house and Grandchildren. I’m 10 yrs younger, I have nothing, no husband no children. I wish every day it was me instead of him because he had so much to live for where I do not. This year, I am long-term unemployed, I am also a photographer and a singer but I have failed I feel in life. My older brother had so much to live for and the awful disease took him. It’s not guilt, I don’t understand why I’m on this planet and someone so young had to die with so much to live for.

  • Shane August 18, 2016, 1:45 am

    A few months ago I was rushed to the hospital near death. I was found laying on the side of the road after taking over 100 rythmol pills 150 milligrams a piece. I now find myself feeling the same way I did then. I have 4 children. That should be enough for me to want to live. I did not tell anybody what I was doing a few months ago I just took all those pills and I started walking.

    I have no doubt in my mind that I am going to kill myself. I hate everything about me and I hate this life. I want to reach out for help. But after I tried to kill myself before they put me in a mental hospital. They put me in the lowest form of a mental hospital they have here in Orlando Florida. The doctors treated me as if I was an enemy.

    I would actually check myself into a mental hospital. If there was actually a hospital that didn’t seem like a jail cell. I want to find a reason to live. But I can’t. I’ve been labeled as a person with an impulsive control problem. Depression and bipolar. This is the first time I have ever put a message on anything. Honestly I really don’t know what I am.

    • Lori Stanford August 31, 2016, 2:26 am

      Shane, I have been – and am – where you were when you posted this two weeks ago. I have never posted a message concerning my suicidal ideations on any site, either, but your post compels me to speak up. Shane, you state, at the beginning of your post, “I have no doubt in my mind that I am going to kill myself.” I thought that same thing only a few minutes ago.

      I do not want to admit myself to the hospital because I know, from experience, the treatment approach I will encounter will be much the same as you describe but I also know how my family reacts when I do admit myself to prevent a suicide attempt. They are quite tired of me burdening them with such ‘drama and nonsense’. Therefore, I cannot call family, even though it was a family member who triggered this episode.

      I cannot call a friend because I do not want to burden them, and I will not call a hotline because they will suggest I admit myself, immediately, to a psychiatric center. The vicious cycle continues. I do believe, Shane, we are doing one thing that proves we truly do not want to die: WE ARE POSTING THESE MESSAGES. We just want the painful emotions and feelings of hopelessness to end.

      As for me, Shane, I have decided I am not going to end my life tonight. I think that decision is enough for right now. I know that is all I can manage right now. There is one other thing I also know and I know it from experience: I won’t feel this level of despair and desperation in the morning. We have done the best we can for right now, Shane. That is all we can ever ask of ourselves. I do have one hope right this minute and that hope is that you are reading this post. Lori

  • June July 31, 2016, 9:25 pm

    Im 22 years old. I had thoughts of killing myself since I was 8 years old I use to wish I could end up in hospital and die. Then when I was 14 I tried to kill myself, I drank tablets one night only to wake up the next morning extremely thirsty. When I was 18 I tried to do it again yet nothing happened. When I was on college I had an abortion that I regret it up to this day.

    Every day I wish I could turn back and change my decision. My father passed away last year as well I think about him every second of the day wishing he was here to talk to. I hate my job, I just hate my life period. It feels like I’m going nowhere slowly. I just want to die. I’m tired of trying.

  • PhilthyPhrank July 27, 2016, 7:47 am

    I have not met you and probably never will, but that doesn’t mean we can’t share a singular point in reality together at this point on the internet. The internet is the collective consciousness manifested, we are all part of it and each other. When we hurt, we all hurt.

    I can’t say that life has meaning, but I can say that things we deem to have purpose give life meaning. Purpose is what we should be seeking, not trying to figure out why we are alive – I think a lot of us get hung up on that, I know I did. Life is hard and life is unfair, we compare ourselves go others and other experiences, whether fair or justified or not, it’s normal.

    But the comparison is time away from finding meaning and purpose, please remember that. Don’t let your yesterdays eat all your tomorrows, regret and melancholy sometimes become comforting friends as they stick around, but they are not the only sustaining aspects. You are worth more than you think, you are worth more than a few bad points in your timeline. I hope you pull through, I hope you can generate the mindset or period of stasis to take a step back and feel objectively.

    I will always love you – this moment and this message will outlive me, but it is my shared experience with you that lives on forever in you. (You can do and mean the same).

  • Darren Crotty July 16, 2016, 11:20 pm

    I’ve been depressed all my life. Moments of joy. Now just darkness. Talked to professionals. They had opinions. I have an aversion to people. They wanted me to socialize. The fear of being forced to go be social made me quit therapy.

  • Wmgjones July 14, 2016, 4:51 am

    I just got my heartbroken today I thought that loved me and was my best-friend. She told me the world would be better off if I was dead. She told me I was weak and that no one will miss you. I’ve been really thinking about killing myself. My soul has been taken from me.

    • Lydia January 1, 2018, 9:10 am

      Wmg, It seems to me that Anyone who tells you that your better off dead, has serious problems themselves. She is just one person out of billions in the world that think that.

      The world is your oyster, plenty more fish in the sea, who are secure enough within themselves to speak positively about you. Hurting and broken people will seek to hurt you. Secure and loving people will seek to build you up. Stay strong, Lydia

  • Crystal June 30, 2016, 4:34 am

    I’m 13, and I’ve been thinking suicide. I have an abusive member in my family who calls me awful names and hits me. I feel unloved and I have one close, close friends which has been helping me go through depression. But now that it’s summer I can’t see her. I isolate myself and am easily irritated so some fake friends left me… I haven’t told my parents that I have depression and it’s been a year already so it gets worse, and occasionally makes me think of suicide. I need help do you have tips to help call for help??

    • Lydia January 1, 2018, 9:00 am

      Crystal, You’re so young. You or anyone, should not be subject to such abuse. You are very vulnerable living Under such circumstances. You can contact the police or child line who will notify social services for your protection. Either the abuser or yourself will be removed for your own safety.

      You have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve an opportunity to grow and be nurtured in a safe and secure environment. Good luck, Lydia

  • CuddlyTiger May 30, 2016, 12:39 am

    Hi, I have read your writing, and have been uplifted by it. My suicidal thoughts have come about mainly because either neighbors ignore me on a daily basis, I have noticed shop staff laughing at me. This isn’t paranoia, I’ve actually witnessed them doing this and pointing at me.

    I thought to call my “best friend” a few weeks ago when I was suicidal, and instead of talking me out of it, or making me feel better, he said “I’m alone in this world, and if my best mate wants to kill himself, I want to go with him” and then said “let’s do it together”. He was obviously of no help. Anyway, I’ve thought about and planned my death many times over the years, but today I actually started to research it on the web.

    The pain of people ignoring me when I say “hello” or frowning at me, or laughing at me, just makes me want to kill myself. I want out, and quick. Please can you help? If you do reply, and I’m sure you will as you seem like a beautiful person, if I don’t reply straight away, it won’t be because I’ve “done it”.

    I live in the UK, and have at the very least said to myself, “wait at least one more day”. So if I don’t respond straight away, it won’t be for that reason. I just need some sleep. Anyway, I need to go to bed. Thanks in advance.

  • Mackenzie Murray May 9, 2016, 12:53 pm

    If anyone wants to kill themselves PLEASE talk to someone. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone you already know please kik me @ Murray.mac I promise I’ve been through this and I would be more than happy to be your someone to talk to. I care about your lives and you’re worth it.

    • Davey May 23, 2016, 8:46 pm

      Unfortunately talking may not help though, so kind as you are for inviting this, there is no evidence that it stops suicide. Some of us are beset with these feelings every minute of every day for many years and it is something we must learn to live with as with any long term illness. Yes it is horrible and painful, but there us worse effects if we give in to these thoughts. This article goes through a good selection of options, but be aware there is no answer that other people can give you, but it has to come from within yourself for that motivation and change.

  • Isaac April 17, 2016, 5:53 am

    I started to feel better after a new treatment but then things got worse a few days ago. I’m off work for stress and harassment by another employee, and the doctor who is supposed to help me isn’t – I told him I wanted the depression back now that anxiety has taken over, and he offered me no help at all. The problems at work continue and I can’t relax and try to help myself for worrying that my claim will be denied.

    Now I think it would be best to give up. I have a few very new acquaintances in my life but nobody I can talk to the way I would talk to a friend. Old friends ignore my messages and they are not negative, just saying hello and asking if we can catch up and re-connect. I can see they’ve read them (thanks to technology) but they still say nothing.

    It affirms what the self-criticisms say, that I am worthless. I don’t want to quit, but I’m exhausted by the effort to continue in the face of nothing. I wish I could feel safe and connected to people again somehow. I’m tired, all I can think of is dying to make the pain stop.

  • cheyenne April 15, 2016, 9:53 pm

    This article helped a bit. Just wishing this overwhelming weight on my chest would stop. I feel like I am thinking about doing it at least once daily. But it’s not like anyone cares anyways.

    • Her August 9, 2016, 6:00 pm

      I care. I love the name Cheyenne.

  • Anonymous April 7, 2016, 4:34 am

    I like your article, but sometimes the feeling to kill myself is so great that I plan to do it. However, it is probably a good thing that most of the time, I do not have the guts to do so.

    • Her August 9, 2016, 5:59 pm

      Sometimes, I’m glad I have no guts. I tried a lot in the past. Now it’s just this looming, swirling sh-t storm in my head.

  • Micah March 29, 2016, 7:08 pm

    I have been stuck in a state of depression since my dad died almost 10 years ago now. About 6 years ago I made a new best friend and he was fantastic. His personality lit up the room. He was the best friend I’ve ever known. He was helping me to be positive and have a happy outlook on life. He would always tell me, Micah we live in one of the most beautiful places on earth.

    We have the beach, the sunshine, all of this to enjoy. And he really didn’t brighten my spirits. Then one day I get a call that my best friend has drowned and the Coast Guard is out looking for his body. My downward spiral of depression started all over again. Not only have I lost my father, my hero, the anchor of our family… But now I’ve lost my best friend. Coming up on 4 years now.

    I’ve met the love of my life. And there’s no doubt about it. But my depression is still eating at me. I have to fight it. I have to be someone he can be proud of. But I am just sitting around wallowing instead of even trying. I’m so afraid of failure that I’ve caused it. I’m such an emotional wreck and this relationship is a mess but I know it could be perfect if I could just GET UP out of bed in the morning, shower, go get a job, make friends.

    I need to try. I can’t just give up. I can’t fail at this. We were meant to be together. And if I can’t get my fucking mental health together then I will have failed the relationship and I truly will have no reason to live. He deserves for me to try. He does so much for me and I’m just so stuck in my own head all the time. Happiness does not happen, we have to constantly choose it.

    Each moment and each action. The steps to happiness are the hard ones. It is easy to just give up. It is easy to just fill up the bath tub and slit your wrists. It’s hard to choose to TRY, every single moment, of every single day. But that is what I’m going to have to do if I want this to work.

  • Michael March 26, 2016, 11:18 pm

    First I hate my story, Born into a family that didn’t want a boy, I had 5 sisters, the father had to tell the mother, if you keep hitting him like that I’ll hit you like that, I was 3 months old. And then the father started to hit, I’ve been beaten with belts, wood, and fist. At the age of 6 I was raped by two brothers who were being paid to babysit me, just to go home to get hit again, normally I got hit almost everyday till the age of 14.

    The girls were treated like gold, they never got hit, thank god. I’d go too school and get beaten up almost every day, to the point of running home as fast as I could, just to get hit from the mother and sent to the babysitters. By the age of 16, I save up enough money to buy my first rope, hung it in a tree and starred at it for hours. One day before my 17th birthday the father came to me and said get out, my birthday is December 31, and I lived in RI. at night.

    There was about 3ft. Of snow on the ground, and I froze my ass off. I truly believe my PTSD, depression, and killing myself started the minute I was born. I’ve paid 19 years of child support to a child I’ve never met. So, I’ve been beaten, raped, homeless, abandoned, and most important unwanted.
    I’m 50, and still I think about my death. And I’m left with worthlessness, major trust issues on any male/female, I trust no one including myself.

    I’ve cut my arms up, just to hear some doctors say your doing it wrong. I’ve been in mental institutions, and mental wards in hospitals. I’ve been on all kinds of meds, to the point one my last attempts, I ate all my meds and cut my wrist again, to were it put me in a coma. I’m married to a lady who a lot of the time everything is about her.

    I’m on SSD, because I’ve had to many attempts, I’m not allowed to drive, and I have to have a payee to receive my money I worked for my whole life.
    I was a true believer in 2012, hoping for some kind of justice from my parents, and to those pieces of crap that did those terrible things to me as a child. But I got nothing, and there all alive and free to walk the streets.

    I’ve hated life, and humans, and God, for awhile now, and for good reasons. Today I’m not crazy for food, I figure we need food to live, it keeps the heart beating and why would I want to do that, so I eat very little. Normal weight 135/140, today’s weight 122. Meds to me are nothing but band aids that only cover the problem they don’t fix the problem. And I’ve been on enough to know the difference.

    I still talk to God once in awhile, and if and when I pray I mostly pray for a heart attack or a fatal car accident. Like I said I hate this story, I avoid mirrors because they are a constant reminder of everything that’s happened to me. I recently moved away from those who have wiped there feet on me. I live 3000 miles away from them, but I thought out of sight out of mind. But my feelings are still with me, and death is something I can’t get out of my head.

    I’m tired of thinking, breathing, and existing. So, I’m not dead yet. Please take care.

  • Zephyr March 13, 2016, 1:37 pm

    There is so much pain on this forum and I am so sorry. What I want to say, in scrolling through the responses, is that the vast majority of you DID NOTHING WRONG. You did nothing to deserve the pain. You have clear consciences and are good people. I know that does not take away the pain but it means you do have some hope of liking yourself and who you are someday.

    My depression came because I did something horrible and immoral. I’m 39. Before that I had some anxiety and a family history of depression but I had a great life and liked myself. I ruined it in one fell swoop. I’m pretty sure that some of you and the world in general might actually encourage me to kill myself. If the world were just, I would get cancer or hit by a bus or murdered. And I can’t take it back, make amends, whatever.

    That is not possible. I just death grip through my days trying to provide my two young children some love, which they deserve, and faking it with everyone because if they knew my dark secret they would all hate me or at least pity me. This is the REST OF MY LIFE. Nobody else makes this epic of a mistake. I am hurting my sister and Mom and husband by wishing for death at every turn.

    I obsess over going back in time and fixing things, which of course I can’t do. Please have some hope for yourselves. You can find a way out of the depression you don’t deserve, but even if I cure the depression, my conscience will never heal.

    • redfern March 15, 2016, 5:51 am

      Oh my gosh, this sounds awful. Is there really no way to amend? Living amends to the rest of the world, perhaps?

      • redfern March 15, 2016, 5:53 am

        (I don’t mean what you did sounds awful, I have no idea…but I mean, even if the people around you can’t/don’t want to forgive [and that is their right], the pain you are feeling sounds awful, and you can work on your own internal worldview, and help yourself by finding some way you can live with that looks like amends).

    • Eric March 15, 2016, 8:23 am

      Zephyr, You are already paying the price, and seem to be making the best of the rest of your life. Please forgive yourself for being human – we are all flawed, and we can make horrible mistakes. You are a better person for your mistake(s) – you’re now a person who would never do that (again), right?

      If you don’t let the guilt destroy you, you can still do some good in this life. Look forward to that redemption, because someday you’ll reach it – yes, in THIS life. I believe in the you that’s here, now. The past is just a story – that’s why they call it his-story…

  • I just want to kill myself March 8, 2016, 2:29 pm

    I want to kill myself. I have no pupose to even exist. I tried to get social support, but everybody ignores me and says I’m pretending it all. I tried all distractions, but all of them made me feel even more useless. I tried to use medicine, but nothing happened. I tried professional help, and I felt better for a week until it came back. I’m in need of help. I need somebody to reach his/her hand out and help me. I need somebody to cure me. Help!

    • redfern March 15, 2016, 5:58 am

      Hug hug hug!!! Just keep trying things like you’re doing… at some point, it WILL shift! Just take the best care of yourself you can. Make that your only focus. People (social support), can’t always handle what others need them to, unfortunately…that is so frustrating and sad and hurtful and feels like abandonment (at least to me it does), but YOU are worth the little things you can do for yourself to take care.

      Soothing juice or food or soup or tea, a gentle walk outside when you can, a favorite book or TV show, a favorite blanket to curl up under as soon as you get home from work or school, a letter you write to yourself… you can do it!

    • Eric March 15, 2016, 8:13 am

      You’re not pretending. It’s very real, and I understand. Medicine never worked for me either. I cope by being aware of my negative thoughts, and trying to counter them with a good thought (this is called “cognitive intervention”). I also use the “distraction” method to lose myself in a story (movie/book), which gives me a “break” from the pain.

      I agree that distractions sometimes makes me feel useless, but it’s not your life – it’s just a brief break from pain. There’s no magic cure, but it DOES get better with time. Don’t expect so much of yourself – it’s okay to take breaks. It’s okay not to be “special”. A lot of people won’t understand. But many of us do. You are not alone. In fact, I wish I saw your post last week. I hope you see my response.

  • Community March 5, 2016, 11:15 pm

    I haven’t ever hurt myself, but I sure have been lonely for a very long time. It waxes and wanes. Look everyone, FIRST REMEMBER THIS! Your loneliness is NOT CAUSED BY YOU. The suicide feeling is NOT CAUSED BY YOU. The state of our SOCIETY is what is causing the tremors that constantly reverberate within you. In the old days, life was TOUGH, but generally, people were close knit.

    There were communities. In fact, this wasn’t that long ago. Where is this now? People put their parents in care houses. If you still live with your parents in America, doesn’t matter if you have a great life, you’ll be ostracized and said, “Go be independent!” Independent. That’s what American’s have been brainwashed to become.

    A little bit of in dependency is needed for the proper growth of all humans. But humans need communities to help each other! The community has been DESTROYED by a carefully crafted social engineering by the joint efforts of psychology, government, education, media, and corporations. If we bring back the community, we will help each other.

    We will be stronger as a nation. There won’t be a need to be lonely or suicidal because everyone will have a care for another person! We will stand up to oppressors, especially our own government who has been oppressing us for years. We will be CLOSE ONCE AGAIN! Fight the foolish brainwashing of ‘becoming independent, going out on your own, creating your own life’, and instead help to create a COMMUNITY!

    THAT is the cure to the wound! The reemergence of the community must begin now.

  • Tom March 5, 2016, 7:05 pm

    Who knows if this will be read. I don’t really care. I am in hell. My wife has Leukemia, and is in preparation for a stem cell transplant. She just finished her first round of chemo, and I try to remain supportive and hopeful, but I feel as though I have already lost her. I’m 36 and she is 30. Watching her slowly decay from the poison that is extending her life is killing me faster than I think the cancer is killing her.

    To top that off, I have given up everything. My privacy, my inspiration to do the things I love, all to take care of her. And now, I suppose as a coping mechanism, my wife is shutting me out. I am slaving all day to keep her safe and comfortable. We have given up our home and moved in with her parents for the extra help. I packing our house, all the while wondering if my wife will ever see any of this stuff again.

    I’m taking care of our 3 year old daughter, and I’m working over night to maintain an income. Even if I had any time to sleep I can’t. Nightmares haunt me, and when it’s not nightmares it’s my own racing thoughts of my wife dying and leaving us behind. I don’t know what to do. The urge to cry comes on dreadfully like the urge to puke so I hide out in the bathroom until it passes.

    I sit in our room and look at its four walls like a prison as her parents prattle on about something I don’t care about, and all the while I wish my sick wife would just come over and talk to me. I don’t want to be a part of this world anymore. I have no more desire to go on. I have multiple ways out. Maybe I just need to courage to be a coward and leave all of this behind.

  • Blake March 2, 2016, 12:09 am

    I have lived with depression 90% of my life. I really don’t know what its like to not be depressed. I have made SO many stupid mistakes in my life. And those were not small simple mistakes. Each one of those mistakes were severe, and changed every aspect of my life, for the worse. I cannot forgive myself for them. I can’t. I have tried. But I can’t.

    I am 25 years old, living with my parents, and going absolutely nowhere in life. My parents are both alcoholics. They have always been. I no longer have any friends. My sister is one of the most selfish people in the planet, and despite all I have done for her, and how much I defended her from people, she is doing better than me. And doesn’t even care or check up on me. Life is so cruel…

  • ? February 26, 2016, 6:42 pm

    I am 31 and very depressed. I have two children, 13 and 8 months. I never wanted kids I only had them for their fathers. It’s a f*cked up story. Two separate fathers. I’m drowning in over 30 thousand in debt. My last child’s father can’t help me out. I’m too scared to kill myself of fear of the unknown but if I died in my sleep that would be great or a deadly accident I’ll take that to.

    I hate my job, my relationship, I don’t even find joy in my kids I just look at them like chores, I drink a lot and smoke cigarettes. When I try to stop I get so depressed and down. I have no one to talk to. My past is so horrible I know I’m going straight to hell. I have to force myself to smile I find joy in nothing.

    I don’t want to go anywhere I just want to be left alone. I hate being responsible for two kids. I hate being a parent. My mom raises my older son and I wish my youngest child’s father would take him and raise him in another house.

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