≡ Menu

Covert Schizoid Sexuality: Behavioral Patterns

Individuals diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder can have “covert” symptoms. Meaning, people with this disorder many not appear to be schizoid on the surface. Covert schizoids appear to be very social, have an active social life, and can even seem extroverted on the surface. However, these individuals are basically just putting on a show when they are in public. They keep their emotions sequestered and may even leave a situation that requires them to be emotionally intimate with someone else.

In regards to their sexuality, covert schizoids may not be interested in sex like a traditional schizoid. In many cases though, individuals with schizoid personality disorder many seek out “secret” sex and if they are in a relationship have affairs. They can seek out sexual partners that they do not know such as meeting people online (e.g. dating apps) and/or at bars. This allows them to experience short term encounters and fill a sexual void without feelings of emotional intimacy.

Covert Schizoid Sexuality: The research

A leading researcher, Harry Guntrip describes a “secret sexual affair” that married schizoids may be involved with. This is merely an attempt to reduce the quantity of emotional intimacy focused within a single relationship. Covert schizoids may exclude sex as being “too intimate” for a permanent relationship – which may result in covert schizoids having sex with strangers.

Another aspect to keep in mind in regards to individuals with covert schizoid personality disorder is that they may restrict all of their relationships to sexual contacts and not share any other emotional or bonding experiences with the partner. Individuals that are covert or “secret” schizoids tend to have social skills to find other partners. For this reason, they are more likely to end up engaging in sexual activity.

  • Affairs: Secret sexual affairs or “cheating” is likely the case with some schizoids. They feel too emotionally connected to their partners and don’t like the feelings of emotional intimacy. In this case, they may seek out other secretive partners and have affairs.
  • Asexuality: Some covert schizoids are asexual – and do not desire any sort of sexual activity with the opposite sex. Typically this is not the case with covert schizoids and is more common with traditional schizoids.
  • Celibate: Sometimes people with covert schizoid personality disorder are completely celibate. They may turn their focus towards other areas of life and not be motivated by primal, sexual instincts.
  • Frequent sex: Some covert schizoids may engage in very frequent sexual activity – and in some cases a sex addiction. They do this to fill voids in their life including: emotional intimacy voids and social voids.
  • Masturbation: Some secret schizoids may engage in masturbation or become addicted to pornography. This allows them to experience sexual gratification without seeking out another partner.
  • Meets at bars / online dating: An easy way for covert schizoids to meet people is at bars and/or via online dating sites. Being at a bar under the influence of alcohol makes it easier to socialize and online dating sites can help minimize anxiety associated with social interaction.
  • One-night stands: It is common for schizoids to have one night stands as a means to avoid emotional intimacy with the prospective partner. Instead of something ongoing, they may resort to finding a new person each night to have sex with.
  • Schizoid hunger: This is a phenomenon detailed by Jeffrey Seinfeld (New York University), who published reports that schizoids seek out sexual pursuits to fill voids of emotional hunger, loneliness, and emptiness. The sex serves as a temporary solution to meeting the covert schizoid’s needs.
  • Sex with strangers: It is common for individuals that are covertly schizoid to engage in sex with strangers. People that they just met and/or new social contacts may serve as the perfect opportunity for sex without a long term emotional component.

Are you a covert schizoid? How is your sexual behavior?

Although it is pretty difficult to study covert schizoids in general, there is some good information on their sexual behavior from various researchers. If you would label yourself or have been formally diagnosed with schizoid personality disorder (SPD) and you would classify the diagnosis as a “covert” subtype, how is your sexuality. It would help if you shared your thoughts and personal experiences in the comments section.

Related Posts:

{ 25 comments… add one }
  • Holly September 18, 2014, 12:28 pm

    Hello I would classify myself as a covert or “secret” schizoid. I am 19 and my father has SPD as well but he wouldn’t be described as covert by any means.

    I am still young but I am very aware of my feelings. I have had many short relationships over the past few years. I have this idea or fantasy in my head that I desire a relationship and someone to be in my life longterm. So I flirt with guys and hook up with them quite early on. Depending on the person, whether we have chemistry or just a physical attraction determines how long I can deal with them. What I mean is that I do enjoy sex, but after the first time I have sex with a new partner, I lose most of my interest in them.

    Because by that point they start to show affection and emotion for me. Which is the biggest turn off for me, and I end up ending the relationship because it is too much for me to handle. The guys are always heartbroken and confused and I can never tell them the truth that I did like them, but now I feel repulsed by everything they do.

    Sex in general is very uncomfortable for me.. I don’t like to show any satisfaction- which makes me look like it’s not pleasurable for me. This tends to hurt the guys feelings, or they will try even harder to ‘please me’. They want to see enjoyment in my face or hear that what they’re doing is pleasurable. I hate to express emotion, and any show of enjoyment from me is forced.

    The first time we have sex is fun because it’s new and exciting, but every time after that is just more and more of a hassle. I get so annoyed when they are horny and always want to have sex. I put up with it sometimes but I feel like a rag doll and want nothing more then for them to stop kissing me.

    Overall I personally try to avoid intimacy and sex, unless it’s a one night stand or with no strings attached. Sorry if what I have said doesn’t make sense- I have never really put how I feel about sex and intimacy into words. Email me if you want me to elaborate or have any more questions.

    • Sam January 14, 2015, 1:44 pm

      I am a covert schizoid. I was a virgin till I was 22 years old. I had always wanted to have sex with a woman, but I never felt I could trust them with intimacy. It wasn’t until after my time in the Iraq War that I sought intimacy in the form of promiscuity, and had over 100 sexual partners in less than 7 years. During my teen years, I never drank alcohol or went to parties, I was gifted physically, but never excelled in sports and I always quit the sport I was in.

      I saw everyone in my school as inferior even though I was failing as as student. In the Marine Corps, I never drank or partied with fellow Marines, I always opted to moonlight, and work a second job just to keep away from social type settings. I have trouble keeping a job, as I am very sensitive to criticism, I have had over 35 jobs in 5 years, but… I can get a job easily because I can put on an ‘act’, and I enjoy being productive and making money, even though most people would describe me as lazy.

      I am married now, but I show no emotion for my wife. I care about her, but I have no enthusiasm or interest. I am quick to ask for gifts for Christmas or my birthday, but I am slow to doing nice things for her, or celebrating her birthday. I do not enjoy going out to dinner with her, even though I enjoy having her as a wife, I hate eating with her, and I hate eating in public. I prefer to eat alone. We do not have sex much, even though I am very attracted to her, I prefer to masturbate to pornography instead.

      I can explore my sexual fantasies more appropriately that way and not feel ashamed of my desires, and how often they come. I have exactly 1.5 friends. One I trust with all my problems and feelings, the half friend is just someone I look up to and vent to, but he doesn’t vent to me. I have no other friends outside of this, and I do not talk about the war, or sexual desires, or anything private or intimate with my wife. I am a Covert Schizoid.

      • John April 17, 2016, 11:06 pm

        Wow, you’re description of high school is spot on for me. I’m graduating in 2 months and actually want to join the military for 4 years also. I might actually be a covert schizoid, seeing as I don’t get pleasure from socializing, it’s more of a chore, I’d much rather stay home to myself, but put on an act to fit in.

  • JA April 29, 2015, 9:44 pm

    I have all of the symptoms of covert schizoid personality disorder except that I can’t get enough sex and masturbation. However, in order to be satisfied, I need the sex to revolve around taboo fantasies/role-plays. If my partner is not interested in playing along, I will play it out in my head.

    I’m very curious if this is common with other schizoids. Things that are a turn on:
    -watching my partner engage in sex with others
    -incest
    -bestiality
    -showing pictures of my partner to others

    • AJ June 7, 2015, 4:48 pm

      Having been with someone who expressed the same fantasies, I’m curious about your need for sex to revolve around taboo fantasies and role play. My partner had anxiety about having taboo fantasies, but the fantasies would disappear as soon as he had been satisfied. I wondered if it stems from a fear of getting emotionally close. What’s your thoughts?

    • Shawn October 24, 2016, 12:22 am

      I am in the exact same boat. I’ve been trying to get my wife to take others for a long time. And I’ve masturbated to all of your topics a lot.

  • cat May 11, 2015, 3:27 am

    I am a somewhat “covert” asexual schizoid female. I act pretty normal and sociable around people, but inside I always want to get away and be alone. 25 years old never had relationship, never had sex. Sex, even a one night stand, seems way more intimate than non-sexual activities. For me it’s the ultimate invasion of my security and personal space, even literally speaking. It doesn’t matter about emotions, the physical closeness/bodily invasion aspect of sex is awful enough.

  • Wendy June 17, 2015, 2:30 pm

    Entire list, completely accurate. My strategy was to become a sex worker, I am able to define the level of sexual contact with clients through target marketing to the type of acts I prefer, I detest contact with humans for any purpose other than work or obtaining drugs which I find an absolute necessity and which I consciously choose to prioritize over human relationships. Every few years I will be subject to falling in love, but I do so with the understanding that it’s not a situation I can sustain for long, which is fine because they usually aren’t good people to be involved with long term.

    They don’t really understand me and eventually find me intolerable. I’m overwhelmed with a desire to be monogamous to them, but knowing it cant last anyway, I don’t bother. Screwing someone other than the guy I love nauseates me and makes me want him even more, but I never anticipate that he might feel the same. I have no belief that mutual monogamy is possible and have chosen to be the woman men cheat with rather than on, and it suits me well. I’m way too awkward and strange for a guy to want long-term.

    The prospect that love might draw me into attempting anything resembling a normal social life fills me with dread and anxiety. I know I couldn’t resist attempting a long-term relationship with a man who really loved me, which I sense would be disastrous and much more painful after attachment grows over time. I only am drawn to men which are very likable – but who I sense don’t really like me enough to stick around long. Falling in love serves a practical purpose of reminding me why falling in love is just a terrible and terrifying idea.

    I treat my relationships like psychological studies, mapping childhood traumas by the behaviors they resulted in. It helps maintain detachment. Drugs are my true love, I’m not ashamed, I find it practical and satisfying.

    • Stephen March 3, 2016, 7:32 am

      You seem like my type of lady Wendy! Keep it up!

  • tom December 12, 2015, 8:09 pm

    I am also a covert schizoid. I don’t think that anyone except close family members understand this, cause I got used to wear a mask while on public. It just needs to be not to far away from real me mask so that I could play a role for hours of interaction with people. It just very comfortable to seem like a friendly, feeling, guy which can join conversation and look like everyone else, so I cannot be myself without feeling bad.

    After two or three years of mastering it, I think that probably it’s the best thing for me. Although sometimes I have strong depersonalization attacks that don’t stop. In the army I realized that I like to belong to a group. When a platoon have a task, people work as team without useless talking, but there is an emotional connection in which I do not take central part, it matched perfectly. Something similar I felt in the university, but it required more time spending together outside of the system, which I consider as a personal time and on personal time, I need to be alone.

    In the end I have an urge to sustain a “regular” life, so I act as regular person. I had some partners, but for no longer than 4 months. When I start dating I (of course!) wear a mask of a good and friendly guy, so when spending more time together I get to tired :). Another problem is that I need to control time spent together. When I come to a woman’s place, I can go any time I want.

    When she comes to my place, I don’t see a polite way to tell her to go in the morning or day. They automatically stick around till the evening, and that freaks me out. The worst part however is my inability to take criticism from close people. I understand, this is stupid, but if a girl dislikes the music I listen to, or rejects me sexually because she is tired, I may have depersonalization attack, which usually lasts till next morning.

    About sex: it seems now that schizoids have different sexual needs, just as regular people. I am very monogamic, and don’t want to be with a new woman every night. It is disgusting to exchange fluids people you barely now. Maybe she f*cks with everybody? I tried prostitutes in the youth, but had no erection. By the way I lost virginity at 22.

    But with a regular partner, sex is an excellent solution: I don’t need to let someone in to my internal world, yet I establish an emotional connection! I have only one close friend and one not so close friend, so usually I feel lack of connection. It is much easier to make a physical connection rather than classical “loving” connection. The article is useless: they describe nearly every possible sexual manner, from celibate to promiscuity, yet I felt glad while writing about myself and sharing my experience so the goal is kind of achieved.

    I don’t think that I am better or worse than everyone its just me, I got used. If you experience something similar and want to talk you can email me, I want to anonymously discuss it more.

  • Deborah Perry February 19, 2016, 4:19 am

    I think that I am a covert schizoid female. I don’t like people much. Never had an interest in people or activities that most seem to find pleasure in. Matter of fact I can’t really remember feeling pleasure or joy in anything. My mom knew this about me I think but no one else has ever guessed this. I am usually the life of the party and most people find me funny and outgoing when around me. The problem that has been hard for me is that I hate socializing and avoid it whenever I can. I tend to run out of excuses as to why I don’t visit even with family.

    • Cyd May 29, 2016, 6:49 am

      I am a covert. I have always worn a mask in public social settings. I tend to not socialize too much and just want to be alone, because wearing a mask is very tiring. I really don’t care for serial interaction, and push my partners away when they get too close. I am very good at being friendly but much prefer being alone.

  • Marf March 22, 2016, 9:22 pm

    At 46, looking back it is clear that I have always been a covert schizoid. Much angst and 2 divorces would have been avoided by realizing and embracing this earlier in life. I don’t know what lonely feels like and need my regular alone time and actively take steps to get it. My sexuality began to wane about 12 years ago and now the thought of sex makes my skin crawl thinking about the emotional, physical and psychological closeness required to share the act with another person.

    I’m a software project manager, which requires an abundance of interpersonal skills, and I do it well. However, it is all an act. Even presentations in front of VPs – no problem, because those people aren’t ‘close’ to me, and at the end of the day I go to my place in the country where I truly can exist in my own singularity.

    To the researchers I have a question. Sure, when it negatively impacts me or a partner or relationship, it’s a problem – but that’s true about literally anything. If milk gives me gas and that bothers my partner, that’s a problem.

    I’m not in a relationship now and have no plans to do so. Already covered what sex means to me, as well as my ability to do my job. I’m nice to people and animals, and am a responsible citizen of mother earth. I’m happy alone. When reading about personality disorders it is common to see “personality traits are deeply ingrained” – isn’t that the same thing as saying we are who we are? I didn’t choose to be white, or tall, or my gender, or hair color, or to be a schizoid. All those things and many more make me who I am.

    I have come to a point in my life where I actually embrace my schizoid. It doesn’t hurt others or me and when I honor its desires it brings me peace, tranquility, and provides the only times when I can have deeply spiritual experiences. Why is this a ‘disorder’? Telling me it’s a disorder is wrong, like telling a gay person they’re wrong for being gay. Schizoid is a very significant part of WHO I AM and I love it, and here’s the deal – no amount of therapy can remove schizoid from who I am.

    I say that trying to fight it is unhealthy because it has a life force all its own. Better to learn how it wants to manifest in your life, figure out the ripple effects of those manifestations (maybe you shouldn’t marry; maybe you shouldn’t live with others; maybe you should choose certain jobs…) and then embrace it. “This is who I am”. Anything less results in sadness/anger/frustration/… because I’m trying to be something I’m not – which is an unhealthy way to live and never leads to inner long term happiness.

    The flip side of my argument is the legal profession, particularly attorneys. Many people think they want to be an attorney without actually determining if that would fit into “that is who they are”. Just google attorney suicide rate and see how happy it makes people to be attorneys when that’s not who they are. Good luck to everyone. You are who you are. Figure it all out and embrace it. (And if I’m completely skewed on my perspectives, please let me know).

    • Leo August 24, 2016, 3:47 pm

      Way to go, my man! After some real serious thought and research on the matter (incidentally I am mostly overt, but with style) I realized that I happen to like who the hell I am and my schizoid is part of that. I don’t come anywhere near my full potential and that is unfortunate but I bounce along and stay out of everyone’s way. Hey, if I have to have an illness, I would rather it be this one.

  • Liz April 19, 2016, 5:51 pm

    I was married to a covert schizoid. We were both pretty young when we got married, didn’t have sex before we were married (even though we waited several years before getting married) and then eventually divorced because of his addiction to porn and sex with people off the internet – and no longer interested or capable of sex in our marriage. I didn’t know at the time, and neither did he, that he was a covert schizoid.

    He was/is very successful, both in career and in his social relationships (although I realize now he wasn’t close to anyone, it was all surface type stuff). My question, just for my own understanding, is what is it that a covert schizoid finds attractive in a partner? I’m trying to find out why he picked me because other than the fact that my dad was completely emotionally unavailable (and so I was used to it).

    I am a person that needs a very high level of emotional intimacy and I never let up in my attempts to get it from him. Why wouldn’t someone with C.S. want to pick someone who didn’t seek that so intensely??? Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me.

    • john April 24, 2016, 7:43 pm

      As someone who knows, these days, that I am a schizoid of some type, not sure if I’d be a covert one or not, I can say that a lot of things about your self-description remind me of my girlfriend of three years who recently left me. I wanted more than anything to be able to just become that ordinary person with that ordinary job and that ordinary girl and that ordinary life that make people say you must be “on the right track,” no matter how miserable you are inside.

      And here’s the thing – I really did care for her, and desire to take care of her, and make her feel loved, and safe, and wanted. But I also have a hard time with sex – just, about fifty different things have to be going absolutely right for it to even seem a possibility to me – I’ve had (a few) real, fulfilling romantic relationships before, though I find I don’t have the ability to sustain that without some sort of semi-regular regimen of psychedelic drugs in my life, softening up my emotions, worrying down the caked material to something pliable again (without, of course, going at it too fast, too strong, and just cracking it while it’s dry).

      I’m excited to see the direction of psychedelic medicine because they are the only drugs I give any credit to having helped me make lasting changes to my psychological landscape. Anyway. I didn’t do either of us any favors by allowing her to believe I was normal enough to participate in a regular relationship, but in spite of being very particular about it, to some extent I do enjoy having another person around, a partner of some kind, basically because it gives me a template for what the hell to do with myself, who to be.

      And as much as I really cared for her well being, and even admired her and wanted to achieve closeness, I got about as close as I’ve ever come but it wasn’t anywhere near enough for her normal emotional needs. And as much as I thought I’d lucked out in finding someone with a similarly low sex drive as mine, mine was even lower than hers. What’s more, her need for companionship surpassed what I could provide, and she began cheating on me here and there. I guess she thought I didn’t know because a normal guy would probably react.

      I just hoped she’d get what she needed and stick around at the end, but I wasn’t really equipped to give her what she wanted or needed out of life/a partner, which, among other things, would have been a child. I still struggle with seeing my own life in terms of cost-benefit analysis, and I’ve reasoned before that if I ever did feel the desire to share myself with offspring and impart whatever worldly wisdom I might have, I would adopt a preexisting person, and not subject them to my DNA.

      I know life isn’t miserable by default for everybody, and I don’t think it’s fair to create a new life with that in the foundation. I would pity any child of mine. I feel to an extent my father is a schizoid, whose marriage with my mother lasted primarily because it was more a social and economic partnership than a singularly romantic one.

      I always wanted close relationships, I’m absolutely capable of feeling lonesome, though it’s almost in the sense of a “withdrawal” from socializing with others… although I’m usually just giving people what they want to hear or see when I interact with them, to some extent I think that’s just what people do, and being cognizant of it just adds this weird shade to it, but hey. But I may feel lonesome until I break completely through, back into my real self, who I remember from age 5.

      I used to be able to manifest daydreams into reality by basically being excited enough at the time. Eventually, solitude is god’s harmony, but it takes the proverbial leap of faith and trek into the lowest point of the valley before you’ve passed the borders. I don’t want to get too far off track with my own background, cause I’m sure if you were married to a schizoid some of it is redundant.

      But essentially, my foray into that type of relationship was a cynical-disguised-as-optimistic attempt to change myself into something which would be easier to be, but which was utterly opposite to my nature. It’s just that I’ve spent so long being told that it’s not my nature, it’s a disease, a problem, something extricable and undesirable. But it is my nature, and for all my faults, I don’t wind up doing things like, say, cheating.

      I am far from a sociopath, but out of curiosity I took the Levenson self-report psychopathy test, and while I was relieved to see I wasn’t undesirably high in the dark triad aspects, I managed to score high on the antisocial aspect singularly for my “high tolerance for antisocial orientations” in others, which to me sounds more like radical compassion than any form of empathy-lack, but there you go. It’s also that factor which has made who I am, to a very large extent, at least in terms of external manifestations, circumstantial according to what company I keep.

      Which also played into my desire to pair off with someone who was utterly different from me. We both hoped, from the start, that we would rub off on one another – she wanted to be more creative, and serious minded, and to cast off the manacles of her compulsion to answer social expectations, for which she admired me. And I wanted to learn how to move more fluently through the world of human beings, and to learn the more practical way of living that most people seem to grasp innately, wherein they’re able to remove the cosmic perspective from their day to day lives.

      I’m the sort of person who finds it difficult to make the bed because I know it will just get slept in again anyway. So it was an investment in a potential future (i.e. a god damned schizoid fantasy), not quite a reaction to anything in reality. It didn’t really pan out for either of us – she remained materialistically motivated, and I remained detached. We tried to change and just hurt and confused each other in the process.

      I really cared for her, still do in a way, but I was never going to be able to be what she wanted me to be, nor she for me. But as far as why someone like me would want to be with someone like her? I actually wrote her an album of songs when I was busy courting her those three years ago… The last one was called “open all nite” and the words were pretty much… “What’s a nice girl like you doing hanging around with me? And what’s a weird f*ck like me doing hanging around with you? You wanna freak out? I wanna freak out with you… you wanna freak back in? I’ll learn to do that too.. I’ve never done this before, I’ve never done this before, I’ve never done this before, I’ve never done this before… but I was open all night to something new.”

      We can all be a little guilty of optimism and ambition. I didn’t get proper help for my preexisting problems, nor she for hers (she had toxic parents and the same emotionally unavailable father – unless he was drunk enough to cry – and hey, I guess rage is an emotion too). As a result, we fell apart, tho we tried to hang together for awhile. But I wound up going back to my vice, heroin, and she wound up going back to her vice, which was letting herself get picked up in bars by people she knows don’t respect or care about her.

      (In spite of being a heroin addict I always hated alcohol, so the bar was a place she’d be free to do what she pleased cause she knew I’d never wanna come along – though after awhile she stopped inviting me, and when I’d smell beer and ask her if she’d stopped for a drink and she’d say no, with there being no reason for her to deny simply having a drink, well, I wasn’t that dense). Neither was really a vice we could forgive or understand out of each other, so trust was never restored. Even after I got on methadone and was able to stop using heroin for the most successful period since I first started (when I was 17), there’s no methadone for her kind of emotional void and cheating, and anyway, there were other factors.

      There’s a lot of idiosyncratic personal stuff I’m trying to avoid unless it’s relevant, cause all I’m trying to do is answer your wonderment about why a schizoid might want to pair off with a more emotionally-fluent individual. Basically, cause they might admire that about you, even if they can’t quite relate. At least that’s how it was for me. And I thought by loving someone normal, maybe one day I’d wind up on the other side of the glass.

      Kind of backfired. I’m still out there trying, but that’s not a mistake I’ll make again. I don’t see the use in pairing off with your absolute clone, which I’ve also tried and which was no healthier of a time, but you do need to have some fundamental values, and perceptions, in common. And we did, just not enough. The trouble with filling in the cracks with optimism and hope is that that stuff only works so long as the climate supports it… when it gets cold, the sealant dries and goes brittle – it just doesn’t stand up to the harder tests a relationship will have to weather.

      We really loved each other for awhile and maybe if circumstances hadn’t tested us so harshly at first we mightn’t have wronged each other so irreparably down the line. But if anything, I felt I wronged her not even so much by relapsing (although of course that’s something too), but more accurately, more completely, I’d wronged her by inflicting myself upon her when I really should have known better in the first place.

      It’s not like it was in any way malicious, but I should have known that, in that situation, she was the 1 and I was the 0, and multiplying by 0 always leaves you with 0. It’s just… no matter how aware of that I might be, it’s a difficult prospect to push away love in the beginning, just on the suspicion that it will fail because you won’t be able to improve as a person. So I felt I had to try.

      I have to stop, and hopefully I’ve said enough to give you something useful. I hope I haven’t just confused things more.

    • Shawn October 24, 2016, 12:32 am

      Hi Liz, I’m basically your husband, but with narcissistic traits. My wife of 16 years just found about me being a covert SPD and was shocked to learn everything I had done while together. I chose her because she had a boundless ability to accept and forgive. My wife is the only person I talk to or care for, I don’t even like my children.

      I don’t have any interest in having sex with my wife, although I’d love to see her getting used by others, but I still need her. I don’t even know why I need her, I just do. We are still together because I’m still manipulating her, and I hope it stays that way. Regardless, your husband probably didn’t cheat or get addicted to porn to hurt you, in fact he probably cares for you as much as he can for anyone.

      I know that I never wanted to hurt my wife, it just happened without thought. You’re probably better without him, but you would have been cherished with him, even if it didn’t seem like it.

  • Tapestry Proxy April 25, 2016, 4:31 pm

    I’m a “covert” or “secret” schizoid as well. As a boy, I basically figured that romantic relationships and sex were unattainable for me, or sometimes that they’d sort of happen magically. I lost my virginity when I was 18, after a girl in my college dorm got attracted to me because I was rather distant and aloof and had unusual ideas and wore strange clothes.

    But she wanted to spend time with me every single day, and sleep in the same bed most nights, and even wrote letters to me at my parents’ house when I was there during winter break, and this was *way* too much intimacy for me, so I ended it pretty quickly. Most of my interactions with girls for the next decade were like that: I went about my life, a girl became interested in me, I fumbled into some kind of romantic-like situation, and then I couldn’t handle it and it ended.

    In my late 20s, I got the idea that I could master the ability to talk to girls using dating apps, and even date them and have sex with them, with minimal romantic relationship stuff. It worked for a while and I did have sexual encounters with about 60 girls over the next several years. But by my early 30s, I had mostly lost interest.

    I still use dating apps and chat with girls from them, but I haven’t met a girl from a dating app in a year and a half, and I haven’t dated or had sex with anyone in about a year. So a lot of the above describes me very well: long periods of celibacy with very frequent masturbation, punctuated by periods of frequent sex that features lots of one-night stands with strangers from dating apps.

    • Shawn October 24, 2016, 12:36 am

      I’ve done the same, although while married. If I might make a suggestion; find a wife, one that understands your issues. The only reason I’m still alive is because my wife is, apparently, a masochist. You need one person, even if it isn’t intimate.

      • Tapestry Proxy October 29, 2016, 10:04 pm

        If I might make a suggestion; find a wife, one that understands your issues.

        @Shawn I’ve thought a lot about that, but I have no idea how to find someone I can tolerate for more than one night, or maybe two nights, and I don’t know how I could morally justify marrying somebody while knowing these things about myself.

        Also, what if she decides she wants children? I would love to be a father – 1% of the time. 99% of the time I just want to be alone.

  • Harriet May 26, 2016, 2:41 pm

    I’m 21 and have a diagnosis of SPD and BPD. I have had this diagnosis for almost three years now. I could never stay loyal and couldn’t understand why I couldn’t. I wanted to! I didn’t want to be a cheater. I tend to keep very detached from my partners and get extremely uncomfortable when the other forms feelings for me. As soon as there are emotions on my part I break it off. I have slept with a lot of people for my age and all, but three of them, were one night stands.

  • Jimmie June 16, 2016, 4:43 pm

    I’m a covert schizoid male. I sleep with prostitutes almost exclusively because (1) I can’t handle the intimacy of a relationship and (2) it satisfies some emotional needs. No one would know I am schizoid other than I simply don’t date anyone, because I come across as polite and engaging (when my energy is high). It’s all an act and very tiring.

    But can be enjoyable. I also used to compulsively watch porn and masturbate all the time. And I still fantasize deeply about having sexual relations every night in my head (as in I picture a vibrant world in which that’s what I’m doing in my head). I can fantasize like nobody’s business.

  • Jeff (Abdel Salemski) July 11, 2016, 12:48 pm

    I am evidently what shrinks refer to as a covert schizoid. I seem a bit extroverted in society and can become quite friendly with co-workers and associates. However; I always keep them at arms length at minimum and never “break bread” or hang out with anyone. I haven’t dated in years and have no interest in intimacy with anyone.

    This said, I still have animalistic desires, and found when I didn’t satisfy myself on a regular basis, my prostate produces odd colored semen. As a result I satisfy myself once at a minimum daily. Although have done it as many as 6 times in a 24 hour period. I find porn helps me get in the mood although I don’t agree with that lifestyle and wouldn’t ever associate with that element of society.

  • Doc October 22, 2016, 6:44 pm

    Hi. I thought I was just weird about sex! There seems to be a lot of us out there. Most people never suspect that I have schizoid personality. I am a very well known mental health professional in my state and have international recognition for my work. I come across as socially adept when necessary, but it is more a practiced act than anything else. It totally drains me to be social for any length of time.

    For a long time I could only have sex with a lot of alcohol in me. I considered a long term relationship if either of us used the real name that matched our drivers license! I also relished in sleeping with someone married or super religious because it proved my hypothesis that intimacy was a bunch of crock. I gained pleasure from getting someone to do something that they claimed was against their morals. It also kept me from having to actually have any emotional attachment.

    Now that I haven’t drank in many years, I have also not had sex or a date. I find all kinds of excuses for not dating since I am kind of considered a catch…not bad looking, have money, appear to be out going etc. but I couldn’t care the least about dating or sex. If I want sex, I just masturbate. But it bugs me a lot when people ask “who are you dating”???? Hummm? I want to scream NO ONE! Just myself!

  • Hurt November 14, 2016, 3:51 am

    Thank you all SO much for sharing your perspective. I have (had?) been seeing someone diagnosed with schizoid and, as a sensitive human, was feeling really, really hurt when it seemingly abruptly ended. Reading your comments was very eye-opening and, even though I have come to the extremely disappointing realization that although I thought this person was truly amazing, we will never be compatible and I need to let go of my expectations. Best wishes to all of you.

Leave a Comment